Apparently, my bling likes to swing

by Creative Junkie on January 26, 2009

Sometimes I can be so freakishly organized, I even scare myself. The day we moved in our house, the very first thing I organized was the junk drawer in our kitchen. I didn’t care if we slept on doormats or used paper towels to dry off after our showers or ate off cookie sheets with screwdrivers for a week but no way was I going to fish around a drawer for a pen and get stabbed under my nail with a pushpin and get tetanus and rabies and sepsis simultaneously and have to be driven to emergency and have my ass hang out of a paper dress and fight with an orderly for some jello and miss my first night in our house.

Over the years, I have tackled one organizational disaster after another in our house and each time I successfully addressed one, there would be two more hiding in the wings, just waiting to be accidentally discovered with a resounding OH SHIT. It didn’t matter how many times I barricaded those damn wings, disasters always managed to find a way in. Who knew disasters could be so intrepid?

My jewelry box was one such disaster and sat at #29 on my list entitled Things To Fix After I Fix Everything Else. It patiently sat there as I’d fling my bling into it willy nilly, never once complaining about my utter lack of attention or the inch of dust resting upon its lid.

One day, we got an invitation to a wedding to which I immediately responded and jotted down on our calendar and then promptly forgot about until the day of, because my organization skills took an unauthorized hiatus during June.

On the day of the wedding, I turned into a chicken and immediately severed my head and ran all about my bedroom, complaining that I had absolutely nothing to wear, which came out sounding like “Cluck Cluck Cluckity Cluckity Cluck. CLUCK!” Turns out, I did have a nifty little black outfit that still fit, provided I suck in my breath and not exhale for approximately seven hours. But I needed earrings to distract people from my eyes bulging out of my head, and a necklace to divert their attention from my blue face so I once again opened my jewelry box.

It was then that I discovered that at some point since my last visit, my complacent, benign jewelry box underwent an identity crisis and had morphed into a full-blown, bawdy bling bordello and can I just say, that is an excellent example of alliteration, if I do say so myself.

Which I just did.

Anyway, it had turned into a full-blown, bawdy bling bordello and I stared in utter shock at the huge, mangled, intertwined orgy of gold and silver necklaces writhing inside of it.

As I desperately tried to extricate one necklace and a pair of earrings from the multitudes of ménage à trois before me, #29 Organize Jewelry skyrocketed to the top of my fix-it list, demoting Organize Nate’s Meds So That He Doesn’t Accidentally Kill Himself to #2. Maybe Nate will think twice before yelling C’MON, WHO CARES, LET’S GO ALREADY fifty-two times and thereby avoid an accidental dose of an estrogen supplement.

Just sayin’.

I managed to untangle what I needed and we made it to the church on time and as I sat there in my pew, listening to the couple exchange their vows, a light bulb appeared above my head and I turned it on and lo and behold, came up with a solution.

And I was so happy that I stood up and shouted HALLELUJAH and the Heavens opened up and angels flew all around the altar and I was bathed in a beautiful warm light and God bellowed YOU’RE WELCOME and the congregation shouted a collective AMEN and I sat back down and the wedding continued without further interruption.

That might have been in my own head. I’m not sure.

The day after the wedding, I ran out to several different stores to get my supplies and then I ran home and put on some music and ate an entire Tony’s pizza and washed my hands and made this:


I call it a Bling Board. Because basically, I couldn’t think of a better name and besides, it’s bitchin’ alliteration.

Say Bling Board ten times fast.


It’s basically an artist’s canvas that I altered with paper and lots of embellies. It’s got a bunch of hooks on the bottom of it for necklaces and bracelets and, on those occasions when your youngest daughter channels a slug and refuses to walk to the laundry room, a sock or two.


It’s got a chain to hold earrings and, on those occasions when your youngest daughter channels a slug and refuses to walk to the kitchen, a lollipop stick.

I meant to take a picture of the chain but I was distracted by the color of the ribbon. I love this ribbon.  If I could, I’d type this while wearing nothing but that ribbon but then I might scare the bejesus out of someone and I don’t want the responsibility of someone’s bejesus going AWOL.

Keep track of your bejesus. You can’t just run out and buy replacement bejesus at Target, you know.

Can you?

Who’s got a Sunday flier?


There’s also a lot of pretty going on.

It’s all about the pretty.

Well, it’s all about the function, too.

The pretty function.

The functional pretty.


You know what I mean.


Here it is in action. And of course, it’s in action in Zoe’s room because nothing is sacred in my house and I can call nothing my own anymore. Who cares that my jewelry box is riddled with sexual shenanigans the likes of which I’ve never seen before?

Nobody apparently.

But to be honest, it does look better in Zoe’s room than our room. Probably because she has plants in her room – you can just barely see the tip of one in this photo.

I don’t have plants in our room or the rest of the house. This is because I no longer have thumbs. They were so black, they rotted off.

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this bling board wouldn’t have meshed with our distinctive bedroom color scheme.

Then again, nothing meshes with Seasick Cookie Monster.

The next bling board I make, I’ll make sure it coordinates with Seasick Cookie Monster or my name isn’t Gert.

My name isn’t Gert.

Remind me to ask Nate to paint our bedroom.


Here’s a closer view.


And another closer view. See how well it goes with her walls?

I love her walls. They remind me of melted chocolate.

I’d lick them if I didn’t think someone would arrest me. Or look at me funny.

People look at me funny as a matter of instinct. I rather not give them an actual reason.

Now I must review my list and refresh my memory as to what needs to be organized next.

I’m thinking that as soon as Seasick Cookie Monster bites the dust, there will be no more fears of accidental female hormone ingestion by those family members sporting a y chromosome.



Like it? Share it! Karma rocks:

{ 100 comments… read them below or add one }

tupoi January 26, 2009 at 2:38 am

ROTFLMBO!!! Utterly hilarious. Your bling board is gorgeous and now I’m dying to see what color Seasick Cookie Monster is.

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Heather T.
Twitter: heather_t_
January 26, 2009 at 3:07 am

And I fall over giggling once again. And wow, I might even wear jewelry if I had a bawdy bling board (hmm, did you notice that “board” is “broad” spelled sideways? No wonder bordellos are blowzing through your bling!).

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Esther January 26, 2009 at 3:20 am

I have never thought of my neck chains as having an orgy or ménage à trois, but that describes it SO perfectly!! 🙂
Love your bling board. My system is no-where near as decorative – but at least it remains in my room!!

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Davinia January 26, 2009 at 4:44 am

Well that is truly inspired. I love it and now I’m going to make one the same and I don’t care if I’m a copy-cat. My brain is going 100 k’s and hour. Now to work out what colour will go with the double bed sheets masquerading as curtains for the last 10 years.

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Michelle January 26, 2009 at 5:41 am

ROTFLMAO! TOO FUNNY! I will definitely never look at my jewelry the same again. I will always be wondering, what they are up to.
Cute board, another thing you should think about selling. You have a lot of great ideas Andrea, that are perfect for an online website! Hint, hint!

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HollyTriedIt January 26, 2009 at 7:00 am

This is the funniest crafting post I have ever read! Kudos to you. By the way, do they still sell Kudos?

Visiting from SITS.

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Lee January 26, 2009 at 7:23 am

As always, you are flipping BRILLIANT!

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Twitter: barbhogan
January 26, 2009 at 7:32 am

I love that. I’m much more boring, I hang my bling in the closet on tie/belt holders.

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June January 26, 2009 at 8:05 am

I love that jewelry holder! Ah yes, I can relate to the constant messes all around me.

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Michelle Sauve' January 26, 2009 at 9:14 am

I don’t think I ever laughed so hard at someones blog! You are too funny and a very creative writer, not to mention a creative person, love that bling board!

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Beth Nixon January 26, 2009 at 9:24 am

Ok, when you make yourself your next bling board. Make two. Then have a give away. And give it to me. Because I want one. And I need one.

I never wear jewelery because I refuse to open the drawer that contains them. I’m afraid. If I open, they may come out. And strangle me in pretty sparkly ways because I’ve ignored them for so long.

So, get busy. Make two. Have a give away. But don’t tell anyone else except me. Then will pick me.

Got it??

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jessie January 26, 2009 at 9:43 am

LMAO!!! you are to funny! Love the bling board and I am so going to make mytself one! fabby inspiration!

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Stacey~ComfyMom January 26, 2009 at 10:02 am

I love the bling board! The ribbons and the flowers are so pretty! And the color of her walls is delicious!

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Twitter: sixfeetunder
January 26, 2009 at 10:18 am

I love the bling board. I need to make one of those too though most of the jewelry I have I can wear at one time. Love the wall color too- I wish I was as daring to go dark with my walls!

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Jennifer W. (Simple Scrapper) January 26, 2009 at 10:20 am

LMFAO! I love your bling board and dare I reveal my little secret, you! I love reading your blog and your hilariousness keeps me going. Thanks so much for sharing your humor with us.

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Twitter: eclecticred
January 26, 2009 at 10:24 am

Cute board, another thing you should think about selling. You have a lot of great ideas Andrea, that are perfect for an online website! Hint, hint!

LOVE it!! and see?? You SHOULD open shop!

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Blond Duck January 26, 2009 at 10:29 am

You’re hilarious! Stopping in from SITS!

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ivyPINK January 26, 2009 at 10:40 am

ooooh this is so fun and gorgeous you did such a wonderful job 🙂 great idea!

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Kim January 26, 2009 at 10:47 am

ROFL, you are too funny! Have you ever thought of publishing a book or having a column in a magazine? I’d buy it, even if they had to ship my monthly issues overseas each month! I love the blig noard, what a fantastic idea! My jewelry is at contant war too, this might be a lifesaver for them if I ever find time to make one of these! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

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Elaine January 26, 2009 at 10:58 am

LMAO you are too funny. Love the board to hand the jewelry. I may have to try this myself. Thanks for my first laugh of the day.

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Olwyn January 26, 2009 at 11:11 am

I have finally figured out my problem. I am missing my bejesus!!! It must have been scared out of me at some point and its absence is the answer to every problem I have had since. As to your bling board, I love it. I, too, have a bling board. Well, it is really a bling board attached to a bling door but that is a post for my blog (hmmm…idea there) Now I know what to blog about today. Come on over and check it out in about 10 hours, okay?

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Octamom January 26, 2009 at 11:54 am

Fab idea.

You’ve probably told me before, but I was trying to remember what number on your list the “Get Octamom’s junk drawer, laundry room, garage and master closet organized” is. I was hoping to get it on the calendar.

I’ve found your long-lost humor twin around the corner from me–I’m sending her over to your blog so that the two of you can make magic snarky together–look for a user name of skiertx or something like that–I’m pretty sure y’all are long lost relatives….


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Paula January 26, 2009 at 12:13 pm

I LOVE your creation! Jewerly boxes don’t really cut it! I gave you some link love! Thanks for sharing!

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Julie January 26, 2009 at 12:20 pm

That is awesome. Make some and sell them on Etsy, will you? Because if I try to make one, it’s going to look like anything but a bling board.

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Dee January 26, 2009 at 12:25 pm

You should make a couple dozen of these and sell them on Ebay! I am not kidding.

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Retro Heather January 26, 2009 at 1:15 pm

I love it! Is there no end to your talents? Very funny.

I too just hate it to death when necklaces get tangled. I think I spent half my childhood untangling gold chains & ripping then in half out of frustration.

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Becky January 26, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Wow! That is soo cool-I love the Bling Board!! Are you taking orders? I want one!

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evitangel January 26, 2009 at 3:03 pm

I love it – it’s just gorgeous!

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Jan January 26, 2009 at 4:21 pm

Oh hell. I don’t need another project to do, but I MUST make myself a Bling Board. I have a small bling bordello resting on my bathroom counter, and I have wondered for years what a good solution would be. This is the obvious choice. Of course, I will have to Mod Podge and polyurethane the heck out of mine because it must be stationed in our steamy bathroom, but other than that, I would make no changes to your brilliant bling board bordello buster.

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Denine January 26, 2009 at 6:55 pm

LOL…you are too much, girl! I do love that bling board, though. That is one awesome idea and one that I must lift one day as my jewelry is in a similar predicament! I guess I’ll put that on my list…LOL!

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Nancy Jones January 26, 2009 at 10:08 pm

That is soooo cute. I may have to make some of these as christmas gifts next year!! And I will have to see if My hubby can locate my Bejeezus! I really think that is what my problem is!!

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timethief January 26, 2009 at 10:27 pm

I love it. I’m going to make one too. Thanks for sharing and for posting the great images too.

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Sherri S January 26, 2009 at 10:50 pm

I love that your jewelry had an orgy! The project is too spanky, well, if you’re into that sorta thing. And some of these ladies apparently are not bc they are visiting from SITS and that sounds like a rescue group or something. 😉
In fact, I’d like to be clued in, cause I hate walking around clueless with grey hair that people just think I’m now a blonde instead of a redhead! Which I once was I tell you! Thanks for the laughs! I NEEDED them muchly today.

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Twitter: Gaither
January 26, 2009 at 10:55 pm

And you have the gall to say you’re not a crafty person??!! That is such a clever concept and it’s beautiful too!!!!

Good God, I love your blog!!! I always get a huge laugh every time I read it!!!

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Tiffany January 27, 2009 at 8:39 am

That is a great idea. Pretty and functional.

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bindersbee January 27, 2009 at 10:02 am

Pure genius! It’s pretty and functional and I’ll bet you wear your jewelry a lot more now that you can actually see it.

I collect ‘Old Lady Bling’ meaning vintage rhinestone pieces. I want to make a shadow box to display them in. I’d love to do something similar to what you’ve done but I think I’m supposed to protect the stones from UV light.

In any case, I love the idea of displaying jewelry out in the open.

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HumorSmith January 27, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Bada boom bada bling?

Of course, that has to be sung soprano.

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Arlice Nichole January 27, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Can you come to my house and organize please?!

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Lori January 29, 2009 at 3:40 pm

You are so crafty and creative it’s nauseating.

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Karabeth January 31, 2009 at 10:22 am

Wow! And I thought I ran a G rated house, or at best PG on some days, or X when the kid is spending the night at a friends house…never mind. Not going there. Anyway, now I see that there are all kinds of shenanigans going on in my jewelry box that need to be stopped! No hanky-panky going on in this house unless…again, never mind.

What a great organizing idea. Must make one. Immediately.

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Alicia @ Oh2122 January 31, 2009 at 11:21 pm

I just ruined a really dramatic moment in our current Netflix rental because I was laughing like a dork.

This is great. Crafty and organizational. LOVE IT!

(And I’ll be sure to stock up on back-up bejesus, as I will be returning to your blog very soon!)

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Vicki February 2, 2009 at 5:15 pm

That’s a beautiful board and a funny story. I was right there with you every step of the way. Except I have about one creative bone in my body and it agrees to let me use it about once a year. Good for you for finding such a great answer to the bordello prob!

And thanks for sharing on BPOTW!

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Melissa Papaj February 18, 2009 at 2:09 am

What a great idea! I need one! Stopping by from SITS!

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Mrs. Jelly Belly February 18, 2009 at 2:12 am

Wow, love the bitchin’ bling board! (And all the alliteration) It’s beautiful – and so creative!

Happy SITS Day!

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Eve February 18, 2009 at 2:19 am

Wow, that is just gorgeous!!

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laura February 18, 2009 at 2:21 am

OMG laughing my ass off and running out to buy the makings too! I might put velvet or something for pins and brooches to pin into. Seems I have a lot of them and not much else. Hmmmm must rectify. Hiya from a sits girl! Laura

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cat February 18, 2009 at 2:54 am

Hilarious! And I love that bling board. Have to make one. Problem is The Little Miss will want every item on it if it is on display like this..Maybe inside the cupboard?

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Stesha February 18, 2009 at 3:16 am

Wonderful job on your bling board!

Hugs and Mocha,

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Saundra February 18, 2009 at 3:36 am

Oh that bling board is fan, freaking tastic!

Great job!

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Lauren February 18, 2009 at 4:01 am

Ha! What a great story. I’ve been in the position of untangling earrings, necklaces, etc in the heat of the moment. I just might attempt to make my own. Also, I love how in the end you didn’t even get to enjoy it. Too funny.

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Danni February 18, 2009 at 4:53 am

Stopping by from SITS! Wow, I love your Bling board! Very creative and it looks great hanging up on the wall!

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Preston February 18, 2009 at 5:54 am

What a clever and very funny blogger you are. Congratulations on you SITS day. I’m so glad they featured you!

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Erika February 18, 2009 at 6:38 am

I.LOVE.THAT. What an ingenious idea!!!

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Lazy Daisy Marie February 18, 2009 at 6:39 am

Genius!! Must do this!! Jewelry can look pretty when organized well, and I think you just made the whole idea the absolute prettiest.

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Lisa February 18, 2009 at 6:54 am have a fantastic way of writing.
Made me smile this morning!

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Bethany Rose Morford February 18, 2009 at 6:59 am

This is adorable! Hope you have a great SITS day.

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Jamie February 18, 2009 at 7:11 am

I giggled all the way through this post. I sooooo need to make one of these boards for all my bling. I’ve got entirely way to much bling and there is a lot of shinanigan’s going on in my jewlery box right now.

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Veronica February 18, 2009 at 7:14 am

Not only was that hilarious, it was a fabulous idea!

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Katie February 18, 2009 at 7:14 am

Love the board, and you style of writing is pretty cool too!

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lizspin February 18, 2009 at 7:16 am

Loved it. Loved it. Loved it!!! I want a bling board. I don’t exactly know what color seasick cookie monster is, but I need one that goes with Seasick SpongeBob.

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Willo February 18, 2009 at 7:24 am

That is brilliant! (the blog and the board!)

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K February 18, 2009 at 7:25 am

I love the idea.

My jewelry is also up to some naughty behavior and could use a little straighten up.

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Sandy February 18, 2009 at 7:26 am
WhatACard February 18, 2009 at 7:32 am

I’m not crafty, but that is awesome! And very funny, too!

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Mandy February 18, 2009 at 7:33 am

LOL! Congrats on your SITS day!! 🙂

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astrid February 18, 2009 at 7:39 am


It’s awesome! LOVED reading your post! Thanks for the laugh on a dull Wednesday morning! 🙂
Happy SITS day!

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Quiskaeya February 18, 2009 at 7:47 am

HILARITY! Okay your blng board rocks! You probably have more talent (and humour) in your pinkie toe than I have in my whole body. Happy SITS day!

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Carolyn February 18, 2009 at 8:02 am

Happy Wednesday from SITS!!!

Funny! That is a gorgeous solution, great idea!

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Karol February 18, 2009 at 8:08 am

Geez! What kind of whore house are you running over there?!?! You are my kind of funny!
That board is fantastic! Great job!

*FWIW, I’d lick the walls, too. But then again, I believe I ate paint chips when I was a child.


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Heather February 18, 2009 at 8:14 am

Stopping by from SITS!

What a great idea!

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Cheryl February 18, 2009 at 8:16 am

Go ahead…lick away…no one will judge you.
Cute bling board.
Congrats from sits!

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Country-Fried Mama February 18, 2009 at 8:32 am

A blog that makes me laugh and gives me useful craft ideas? Fabulous. So happy to find you.

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Janna February 18, 2009 at 8:35 am

How fun! Will you come over and organize my house?

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Reluctant Housewife February 18, 2009 at 8:42 am

I love the bling board! I even managed to say it 10 times fast successfully. I always have appreciated good alliteration.

Great post!

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Sera @ Laughing Through the Chaos February 18, 2009 at 8:46 am

I love it! I may just have to steal that idea, if I can manage to actually MAKE something…

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Cindy February 18, 2009 at 9:02 am

OMG, you are freakin hilarious! And I totally stealing your idea, too! I think I have a canvas at home…thanks for the idea! I’ll be sure to send others your way!

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April February 18, 2009 at 9:09 am

How cute…I want one!

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Lisa M February 18, 2009 at 9:12 am

Gorgeous bling board! I’m totally stealing this idea! What about a place to put rings though? Maybe some cones at the top? I think that might take away from the gorgeous board. Ah, I’ll think of something!
Happy SITS day!

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amy February 18, 2009 at 9:13 am

That is really neat. I think that would look great in any room and keep everything all together.

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Gwyn February 18, 2009 at 9:16 am

I love this idea and will have to steal it!!!

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debilyn February 18, 2009 at 9:25 am

Absolutely amazing! But where’s the tutorial?? Because I HAVE to make one now…but I want to make sure I’m doing it right!

Wonderful blog…love your creativity and spunk!
Happy SITS day =)

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Elizabeth February 18, 2009 at 9:30 am

Great solution!

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Ryan Ashley Scott February 18, 2009 at 9:37 am

I was just wondering what to do with our “spare” bedroom – calling it a “Seasick Cookie Monster” theme is so much quicker and easier than actually cleaning it.

This post cracks me up – and I’m not crafty in the least.

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Hollie February 18, 2009 at 9:39 am

I love it! Pretty sure I’ll be making one soon!

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Lyssa Ireland Thomas February 18, 2009 at 9:42 am

Happy SITS Day! You are so creative! You should sell these babies!

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Safire February 18, 2009 at 9:44 am

Funny! Thanks for sharing. Happy SITS day!

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brandy February 18, 2009 at 9:46 am

The bling board is awesome!

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Kelly Deneen February 18, 2009 at 9:56 am

OMG, I need to start reading your blog on a regular basis! hehe. You are hilarious, and maybe some of your craftiness will rub off on me. 🙂

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Dana February 18, 2009 at 9:56 am

that is one nifty board! now if i only had some jewelry.

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Katie February 18, 2009 at 10:15 am

I’m stopping by from SITS!

You are so hilarious. I love the bling board but even more so, I love your humor.

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Summer February 18, 2009 at 10:30 am

I love this!! I may need one!

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Heather February 18, 2009 at 10:38 am

That is such an awesome idea for a jewelry holder! Very creative!

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Jamie February 18, 2009 at 10:42 am

Love that Bling board, very creative! And yes, I’d like that chocolate room too, hehe. Congrats on your SITS day girl! Off to snoop through some other posts.

Jamie 🙂

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Michelle February 18, 2009 at 10:48 am

I don’t really know what to say….but you are an amazing writer and very witty.

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Michelle February 18, 2009 at 10:49 am

OH yea, that post was about the board. Very nice! You totally got so off topic that I forgot…but in a good way.

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Christy February 18, 2009 at 10:54 am

Hey from SITS, this is awesome! (both the wit and the bling board)

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Carina gardner February 18, 2009 at 11:04 am

So funny! And a project to boot! Very cute project and loved reading this! Made me laugh out loud (in my office, no less), which will get me in trouble probably, Thanks for nothing! lol!

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wendy February 18, 2009 at 11:10 am

Happy SITs Day! You are all over the blogging world. It’s no wonder with all your hilariosity (new word). I hope things have cooled off in your jewelry drawer.

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Tracy February 18, 2009 at 11:15 am

I’m in awe! That is gorgeous!!! I love love love it! 🙂

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Joy February 18, 2009 at 11:25 am


– Slay me
– Impress me
– Make me sickly envious
– Inspire me to try what you did
– Have me in your writing grips. I will be back.

Joy, who is done sucking up now

{p.s. Congrats on your SITS feature!}

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