Hey everyone!
I’d like you to meet Hildegard, my newest house guest:
Hi Hildy! You’re looking particularly repugnant this morning, I must say.
For those of you new to my blog, I get cold sores in bulk and I’m prone to naming them and then blogging about them not only because I’m a freak of nature but because, other than “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ and “Octamom,” there are no better Google key words than cold sore to guarantee an orgasm of blog traffic and a healthy erection of your blog stats.
In case your interest is aroused, there are other Google key words that hit the G spot as well, but I’m going to have to think long and hard about them as I can’t recall them off the top of my head at the moment.
For those of you who have been here for awhile and are accustomed to seeing my anatomy in various stages of distress on a routine basis … I’m sorry.
Hildy came to visit yesterday and parked her big, fat, ugly ass on my lip, one week before we’re due to leave for San Francisco for our tenth anniversary celebration. Seeing as how my cold sores last anywhere from 2-3 weeks, I fully expect to pack her a little suitcase of her own, chock full of Valtrex and Lysine and Zovirax. I hope she doesn’t need her own airplane seat, the miserable little shit.
I have had just about enough of Murphy’s Law. Would someone please find Murphy and revoke his legislative powers? Because otherwise, I am going to beat him senseless.
Let’s recap, shall we?
Remember Millicent? She was Hildy’s twin sister who dropped in unexpectedly this past March, on the same day I was due to volunteer in Helena’s classroom, take her to gymnastics, go to a meeting at Zoe’s school and substitute for Bunco, which exponentially increased my chances of being noticed and thus tackled and hauled off to NASA to explain how I got an alien sucked to my face.
Milly stuck around for, oh, about two weeks.
And who can possibly forget the one, the only, the incomparable Bernice?
Not me!
Bernice was the badass mother of Milly and Hildy and, I’m pretty sure, every cold sore that ever was since the dawn of time. She came to visit me on July 4th of last year, exactly six hours before I was due at a picnic where I was to be meeting Nate’s friends and their families and friends, about sixty people total, for the first time. Right before we left for the picnic, I snapped this photo and cried.
Bernie sucked the life force out of me and overstayed her welcome by three of the longest weeks of my life. I never did get around to sending her a thank you note for the scar she left me. After DEAR BERNICE, SCREW YOU, YOU BIG, FAT HAG, I just had nothing left to say.
Who else gets cold sores like these? The kind they don’t show on Abreva commercials lest their entire viewing audience leave their TVs to vomit? The kind that swells up half your face and gives birth to dozens of canker sores and causes your ear to throb and your eye to ache and, in general, makes you want to slam your face against the pavement until it falls off?
Anyone?
Anyone at all?
To put it in terms that Google key words understands, being a pulsing, throbbing member of the trend setting community sucks and blows.
Multiple times.
.
.
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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: heather_t_
June 17, 2009 at 3:58 am
Oh Andy, I’m so sorry…. =(o
(that’s Hildegard there, on the frowny lips)
Twitter: MissusSmith
June 17, 2009 at 5:33 am
Oh *ouch* Andy! Hildegard looks like one mean beeyotch.
I’m so sorry she decided to visit you right now!!!
Hoping that she departs your face with plenty of time before San Fran!!!
Oh, and I have *fervently knocking wood* no experience with cold sores, but Hubby gets canker sores with great frequency and he swears by lots of yogurt to cure them.
Oh no!! Always at the most inconvenient time! I always recommend L-lysene. Do you take that? Marvelous for healing cold sores and ulcers and stopping them from reoccurring. Seriously!
I agree with Esther, L-lysene. My son suffers with them but fortunately not to the extent that you do, but if he remembers to take L-l regularly they aren’t as frequent or as debilitating. But I guess you’ve tried everything. Lets hope Hildy doen’t take after her mean mother.
Ow! Sorry, I hope it passes soon. I go through periods when I get them fairly often and then periods where I don’t get any. Stress seems to trigger them, so I try hard to be as lazy as possible.
im soo so sorry I get shingles and cold sores like that on my ear and face that make me wanna die so I can sorta sympathize I have photos too but aaahhh Thats ok. I just call myself swamp thing when I get it haha. (or leprosy girl) Im soo so sorry for your lip, That looks so miserable. They cant give you like abreeva to go with? or I guess that wouldn’t help huh? guess you see an infuktious disaster dr too huh? IM off to mine today he says its stress (no duh huh?) laziness work i see in a previous reply lol
That is one nasty looking cold sore. I hope she doesn’t overstay her welcome but wuickly packs her bags and gets out of town.
There aren’t words. You have my deepest sympathies.
More body parts! Oh man, I’m so sorry!
I’m sssss ooooooooooooooo sorry andy. I hope that this twin sister becames unseen!
Youchie. I get them occasionally, but only when I’m super stressed. I have a tendency to suck on my lip when I’m stressed and they always show up. Ugh, bastards.
I am so sorry for your miserable visitor to appear right before your trip. I get them too – though thankfully, not as big – but they are certainly painful, uncomfortable and uuugly! Hit the lysine hard – it usually helps with mine.
Just put some botox in that top lip and they’ll even out! You’re going to San Francisco, You’ll fit right in.
But in all seriousness, I understand. Not quite the cold sore, but I get canker sores, in bulk every single month. I hope that Mildegarde hits the highway soon. She don’t know who she fuckin’ wit’! *laughs*
Twitter: householdsix
June 17, 2009 at 11:07 am
My husband gets them on his top lip that make his whole lip swell. It always looks like someone punched him or he was making out with the vacuum cleaner.
As a side note, your Google search lists have got to be a riot with your descriptive language. You should post them sometime.
I found you (as I always like to say when ever you post your lip sore photos) by searching lip sore photos. It’s funny how we get them at the same time. I got a big one that almost missed my lip. It’s actually above my upper lip (in the parenthesis, if you know what I mean) this time. It’s healing now which means BIG YELLOW SCAB!!! I think mine are related to sugar. When i have a sweets binge or drink alcohol BAM! Painful, cracking, pus filled blister face.
Cheers, sore-sister.
Soooo sorry about that nasty ol’ Hilde! I hope she decides to disappear before you leave for your trip!
Kinda reminds me of the growth my cat had growing out of his head. I named it Madeline and completely creeped every one out.
I’m so very sorry. It sounds like stress brings them on, although not sure why you’d be stressed about your trip… hmmm… Hope this one goes away SOON!
Ouch Andy!! OUCH!! I’m soo sorry
She’s one mean bi**h isn’t she?
Those look downright painful!! And it does figure that they always seem to show up at the most inopportune times! I hope Hildegard finds a new home…fast!
omg! you poor thing. i’m thinking maybe murder and mayhem all over hildy and crew. l-lysine everyday may help.
Twitter: sixfeetunder
June 18, 2009 at 8:18 am
Hey, you look like Angelina Jolie!
No comfort to you, but yes, I get them, but NOT LIKE THAT!
Mine feel like they should look like yours, but actually are pathetic little raised wimpy hillocks – definitely the poor irish relation of yours.
Waving and sending happy get well thoughts……..from a distance, across the Atlantic Ocean!
oooh, that sucks!
At least you’re gonna get a lot of traffic with your opening paragraph!!
Other’s misery and suffering is not funny….
Really it’s not….
I’m not laughing…
I”M ROTHFLMAO!
Any woman who can word orgasm, erection and cold sore into a sentence is ok by me!
Stan at Scrappers Workshop
http://www.scrappersworkshop.com/blog
Twitter: ScrapprsWkshp
June 18, 2009 at 11:07 pm
OWIE! I’ve had sores that bad, only a couple of times, and hope to never feel again that I look like a cross between Angelina Jolie after a bar fight and Mr. Ed. Hope this one goes by fast and you’re back to your usual lovely self before long!
Twitter: barbhogan
June 19, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Bernice is a bigger bitch than all the Real Housewives rolled into one big bulging collagen injected lip.
Oh wow! That’s terrible. I’m sorry that happened to you. Have you tried Aloe butter + l-lysine + tea tree oil? That sometimes does the trick, but you’ve got so much swelling I’d be afraid to touch it. Have you tried the chamomile-lavender tea bags like compresses? Sometimes they can help with swelling. At any rate, I hope she dies a quick death without scarring. (Vitamin C can help with scars, btw.) Anyway, just good luck, hope she dies quick and painlessly.
Oh dear! That looks so uncomfortable! I am sorry.
I bet you do get a climax of blog traffic with your description, though!
No offense to Hildy and Milly, but Bernice really was my favorite…maybe because she was my introduction to your cold sore habit, as it were. But I know that Bernice wasn’t terribly nice to you and for that I will give her the cold shoulder the next time I see her…
Blessings~
Oh, dear! I sure hope this one doesn’t stay very long!
Ugh! I’m so sorry you have to deal with these awful guests. They sound awful.
I hope you manage to enjoy your visit to San Francisco. I live in SF and if you start feeling self concious just remember that SF is full of all kinds of oddballs, eccentrics, artists, weirdos, and for the most part people are not very judgemental.
Oh oh oh that looks so painful. But why have you given it a female identity? Really…. something as nasty, useless and painful as that surely has to be male?! Well… doesn’t it? Anyway, I hope he leaves you very soon.
OMG! You poor thing. Three of those mf’ers in one YEAR? I get ‘em on my upper lip but I usually get 18-24 months in between the lovelies appearances.
{{{hugs}}}
USE RELEEV! I get them like that too. I’ve found that if I start using Releev right when I feel one coming, they’ll only get about 1/3 that size and be gone within a couple of days. Unfortunately, I discovered this product about a week AFTER I got one that large…right before college graduation
yes, i get these, and yes, they’re that swollen sometimes. i get them on my upper lip, and i look like a monster for about 5 days. i’m just getting over a particularly bad one right now. it started about a month ago, actually, when a very small sore that never blistered b/c i caught it early with abreva and valtrex. but then, a week or so later, i went to the beach and wasn’t very healthy, got too much sun, etc., and the sores came back with a vengeance!!! it’s been 14 days since the second outbreak, and the scabs are gone, but my lips is a little scarred — mostly puffy where the scabs were (not swollen — the swelling’s gone — just puffy in two little areas). it’s so annoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ll have to wait a few months, i’m sure, until my lip is back to normal (i hope), and then i’ll probably get another one
Oh my god, I get these, too. And not usually just one, I get 4 at a time, always on important days when I least can afford them, and always when I must be on the lens-end of a camera. I feel your viral pain, girl.
YIKES!!!
Ouch. That sucks. I hope your friends went away in time for vacation. And, despite your pain, thanks for sharing G-spot blog words.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you, your family and all your ‘friends.’
LisaDay
Ouch! That looks incredibly painful. Here’s hoping Bernice and Co. have visited for the last time.
So cold sores are the new Botox ay? ;oP
My best, Lynn
There’s a prescription drug called Acyclovir (maybe mis-spelled) that I take every day in order to avoid people like Bernice from visiting me. At Kroger or Wal-mart (stupidest pharmacists ever – use Kroger) pharmacies you can pick it up as a 4 dollar generic. Totally worth 4 dollars a month to keep the baddies away; and it works! I never get them anymore; it’s wonderful!
I had one years ago that was worse that Bernice and lasted for about 3-4 weeks. I don’t get them much anymore, thank goodness. If I do, they are small and go away within days.
oh my gosh…..you poor thing!!!!!!! OUCH!!!!!!!
Just read this entry. I hate myself when I laugh at other people’s pain so right now I’m feeling very guilty. But I guess you asked me to laugh by writing the blog so I’ll get over it. Too bad these things are so funny when you have one.
And wow, that one looks particularly painful. But I’m with Esther (comment #3) about using L-Lysine. I used to get nasty cold sores although I can’t say that I ever named them. I take 500 mg of L-Lysine every evening and that usually keeps them at bay. If I do start getting one, I increase to several times a day for a few days — that usually makes them either go away or at least keeps them from getting to be more than a little sore followed by a small scab and then gone. Much easier to live with.