Because I have raised nagging to an art form, we filed our taxes back in February and have already received a much needed refund which was spent before it even hit our checking account. As I sit here perusing our census form, I am convinced that had we thought a little more out of the box, we could have done even better on our taxes and I’d be typing this while fondling my brand spanking new Nikon D90.
For instance, we could have written off the box as a second residence.
And we forgot to claim a whole slew of dependents, like:
“IT WASN’T ME” who likes to eat all the Skinny Cow truffle bars before I even have one and who leaves empty boxes of Weight Watchers peanut butter cookies and FiberPlus Dark Chocolate bars in the pantry, just to screw with my head.
And
“IT’S NOT MY TURN” who is allergic to clearing the table, cleaning the shower, rinsing a plate and taking Oliver out to potty.
And
“I DON’T KNOW” who spits gobs of toothpaste in the bathroom sink and nicks the kitchen granite countertop by dropping something heavy on it when no one is looking.
And
“I DID IT LAST TIME” who refuses to move laundry baskets from the downstairs to the upstairs because they are presumably made out of gravity.
And
“IN A MINUTE” who tells time by charting the stars and thusly, only moves from the couch once every nine days.
And
“HOW SHOULD I KNOW” who gets her jollies by hiding the cordless phone inside the couch and watching everyone else scramble around for it when it rings and when I say “everyone” I mean me, since I am the only one who ever answers the phone around here even though 99.99% of the time, it’s not for me.
And finally,
“I’LL DO IT LATER” who looks suspiciously like a teenager.
Next year, by golly, we’re going to be a bit more creative. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even get a chance to take a portrait of our very own personal IRS auditor with my brand spanking new Nikon D90.
.
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: heather_t_
March 29, 2010 at 10:47 pm
*giggles* That’s a cute post!! I especially like “stuff made from gravity” and “charting time by the stars”… *lol* I love how you look at things!
.-= Heather T.’s last blog post is here ..Tutorials and Marbled Papers! =-.
Twitter: Gaither
March 30, 2010 at 1:23 am
Wow, just add one more dependent to the mix and you wouldn’t have to worry about extra money from the IRS. You’d be the next Octo-mom, receiving hand-outs from everyone out of pity!
I just love your sense of humor…I tell you that in almost every single comment, don’t I??
.-= Helene’s last blog post is here ..Real kitchen utensils for small hands… =-.
Wait, I don’t think you can claim those people as dependents, because I’m pretty sure they reside at MY house!
Very funny post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.-= Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post is here ..What is this Good Housekeeping? =-.
Twitter: MissusSmith
March 30, 2010 at 9:09 am
After reading this, it occurs to me that perhaps I don’t have just one kid, after all. I’m pretty sure I DON’T KNOW and IN A MINUTE both live under my roof, as do I’LL DO IT LATER (though she looks closer to 7 than a teenager) and HOW SHOULD I KNOW, too.
No wonder I’m so tired. It’s hard trying to raise such a large family.
We also had filed and received our refund by mid-Feb. Hooray for husbands who are financial advisors and therefore anal about all things money-related.
.-= Heather @ nobody-but-yourself’s last blog post is here ..Bitch and Moan Monday, just what I needed! =-.
“IT WASN’T ME” took up residence here shortly after DS2 was born. Along with a guy named “NOTHING”
.-= stacey@Havoc&Mayhem’s last blog post is here ..Some assembly required =-.
Twitter: householdsix
March 30, 2010 at 10:35 am
Why not take all those dependents and get your own reality show? Then you wouldn’t have to worry about waiting for your refund. The dough would be rolling in.
.-= Amanda’s last blog post is here ..Some Good About Military Housing =-.
Excuse me, but they live at MY house! And I’m claiming them as mine! LOL!
.-= Beth’s last blog post is here ..And Now Some Easter Art =-.
Wow, that really hits it on the nose for our house !
As usual everyone had to visit my computer to see what I was laughing about. So relate to the variety and type of extra persons living at your home, since they live here too.
.-= Tea’s last blog post is here ..Tea and Comfort =-.
Twitter: barbhogan
March 30, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Ah, I <3 You!
.-= Barb's last blog post is here ..In the Spotlight over at ASD =-.
Lol, I have some stuff around my house that’s made out of gravity too. Such a shame that I’m the only person who lives there.
.-= InspiredDreamer’s last blog post is here ..Lonely… I am so lonely =-.
I can SO relate!
.-= Marlene’s last blog post is here ..It’s over when shower dude stops singing =-.
I so relate to the phone thing. My dh’s dad called and left a message tonight. My dh wanted to know why no one answered the phone (he was talking about me because I am the only person who will answer the phone).
Great post – you made me laugh.
.-= Sunshine’s last blog post is here ..Response to Comments =-.
totally understand
Twitter: sawickis
March 31, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Yep, I’m pretty sure we have those guys living over here too! Sounds like they really get around =)
.-= Kristie’s last blog post is here ..I Just Want to Say… =-.
Twitter: TwiMommi
March 31, 2010 at 9:33 pm
I was pondering claiming my German Shepherd.
.-= Robin’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday: The Beauty of Ugliness =-.
some of those are living at my house too.
.-= Kelly W’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday: She really wanted to go outside =-.
LMAO! I wish I could claim those people in my house too!
Twitter: shopwithmemama
March 31, 2010 at 10:21 pm
You know my son is only 4 and my daughter is only 2, but they are ALREADY starting to do some of those things!! UGH!
LOL and I thought I was the only one who had mysterious gobs of toothpaste show up. I was beginning to think we had a ghost.
.-= hairstyles for girls’s last blog post is here ..Princess Toy Box Giveaway! =-.
Twitter: CherylPeters
March 31, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Um. Sorry. Those people have already been claimed on MY taxes. My other favourite is “sumdood” Lauren picked that up from somewhere. “Wasn’t me. Sumdood”
.-= Cheryl’s last blog post is here ..How did YOU become a mother?! =-.
Twitter: carolinamomof3
March 31, 2010 at 10:21 pm
I just love your writing! And I do believe these people are living with me as well….
.-= april’s last blog post is here ..LuLu*s Contest =-.
Twitter: amomsimpression
March 31, 2010 at 10:22 pm
I think we ought to claim our pets as well… that dog with his allergies has cost me a lot more than my son so far!
I love your post!
Oh my goodness I grew up with those people!! My 2 year old hasn’t met them yet and I am wondering what I can do to prevent them from feeling welcome in our house? Any ideas? LOL
.-= Annie @ Mama Dweeb’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday – The Cat in The Cupboard =-.
Twitter: 2bnicole
March 31, 2010 at 10:22 pm
You are bloody brilliant!
I can SOOOOOOO relate!
oh man, that was funny!! You really are a creative gal huh. Wish I could write like you.
.-= Lori’s last blog post is here ..It Took Five Months to See My Face =-.
You are such a crazy woman…
no wonder I luv ya!
Twitter: Janmary3
April 1, 2010 at 11:47 am
Love it! Sure you wouldn’t notice a couple of extra kids if I pack mine off to stay with you. You could be “The Old Lady” who lived in a shoe, who had so many children she didn’t know what to know …… except you are not old, as you are an offspring of ’67, and as we both know WE ARE NOT OLD
Heading to Dublin tomorrow for a last minute house swap for Easter – 5 nights – can’t wait!
.-= janmary, n ireland’s last blog post is here ..Some Shabby Chic Wall Decor for our Cottage =-.
lol Thanks for the daily dose of giggles :}
Twitter: ConnieFoggles
April 2, 2010 at 8:17 pm
We once claimed I’m Too Sick To Go To School But Not To Play On The Computer, but then the police showed up at our house.
.-= ConnieFoggles’s last blog post is here ..Out Of The Blue Delivered Review Giveaway Mother’s Day Event =-.