My legs are in a coma and I’m wearing vegetables while looking at full frontal nudity

by Creative Junkie on June 24, 2010

I was all set to blog the third and final installment of my Weight Watchers journey where I was going to discuss the benefits of exercise with as little profanity as possible but shit on a stick, guess the hell what, everyone?

I’ve got shin splints. As in, razor sharp, jagged splinters soaked in sulfuric acid. IN MY FREAKING SHINS.

I can’t, in good conscience, talk positively about the benefits of exercise while sitting here with bags of frozen peas on my shins because (1)  there are no benefits of exercise when you are a moron who doesn’t stretch beforehand and afterward, unless you call having your shins morph into butcher knives and commit suicide by repeatedly stabbing themselves a benefit; (2)  it’s surprisingly hard to type while balancing frozen veggies on my legs; and (3) you probably couldn’t hear me anyway over the shrieks of pain flying out of my mouth.

So I’ll save my exercise post for later, when I don’t feel so homicidal. In the meantime, I’d like to share with you a view I frequently get to enjoy from my office chair.

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have already seen one of these photos, and if you don’t, SEE WHAT YOU’RE MISSING?

This is how Oliver sleeps 99% of the time. Kind of like Nate, except furrier. And Nate doesn’t have a modesty patch. Oliver has one here because I didn’t want to accidentally offend your sensibilities. Why do that when it’s so much more fun to do that kind of stuff on purpose?

I’m considering permanently affixing a modesty patch to Oliver’s business so that we can distinguish him from the carpet and lessen the very real potential of sucking him up in our Dyson. Can you imagine? I mean, do you have any idea how much that Dyson cost us?




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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Twitter: eclecticred
June 24, 2010 at 8:41 pm

omg.. he’s adorable andy!! LOL! i HAVE to get glasses! at first i had NO clue why on earth you put a paw print on him!! :p THEN at first i swear i thought he was a “skin”..LOL!! omg jack sleeps this way too a lot. i’d need a MUCH bigger paw print to cover his boy! Sorry bout the shin splints…that SUCKS and is precisely why i take care never to move too often 😉 get better!
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Esther June 24, 2010 at 8:42 pm

OMG! Thanks so much for cheering up my morning. You have created so many hysterical images in my head!! I swear that is the cutest “modesty patch” I have ever seen!!

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Twitter: momnmk
June 24, 2010 at 8:53 pm

He is quite possibly the cutest dog I have ever seen… to my Studley
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Heather T.
Twitter: heather_t_
June 24, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Oooh, I’m so sorry about your shins. Ouchie.

But I think I know why Oliver sleeps like that all the time. It’s because that way the hair falls out of his eyes, and he can actually SEE something. Don’t think I didn’t notice the look of terror in that last pic–either it was the peas, or another one of those modesty stamps approaching his privates…
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Heather T.
Twitter: heather_t_
June 24, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Oh, and did you notice we have backslashes in front of our last posts? 😉
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Ann Adams June 25, 2010 at 7:39 am

Seems like we think we are on track with our health,and something else happens! I am recovering frrom an injections in my ankles to help with arthritis pain! My feet ankles and legs have been so swollen for over a monthI am sick of resting,icing,keeping them elevated I could scream! Also all the different drs and tests I had to have were over $1000 dollars! I guess the joy of turing 65 this year! Yikes I am getting OLD!!!!! If it wasn’t for my grandkids and my precious grandog Oliver I don’t know how I would handle it! Just had our 46 Anniversary on Fathers Day! Hang in there!

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stacey@Havoc&Mayhem June 25, 2010 at 8:22 am

He does blend right in with the carpet doesn’t he? Handy for shedding season
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Andrew Quixote June 25, 2010 at 8:39 am

I roared with laughter at this post. Thank you!
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Alli June 25, 2010 at 9:55 am

What.. We don’t get to see photos of Nate minus the modesty patch? 🙂

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Dee June 25, 2010 at 10:24 am

Oliver is one of the cutest furbabies I have ever seen. If you want to see our furbaby in a similar nudie type position, check out my blog! Fortunately we have a girl….
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Heather June 25, 2010 at 11:20 am

I cannot believe you blacked out your dogs wiener! Sorry you’re in pain but at least it hasn’t affected your sense of humor.

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Cole June 25, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Too cute…and I love the modesty patch! My hubby–like Nate–doesn’t have a modesty patch either, but he usually sleeps on his side and burrowed in a blanket. And, now that our little boy climbs in bed with us most nights, he (my hubby) has bregrudingly learned to don pants every night! lol

Thanks for the giggle this afternoon!

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Twitter: sixfeetunder
June 25, 2010 at 2:57 pm

He’s cute even with his “paw print” showing!

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Lynn from For Love or Funny June 26, 2010 at 6:46 am

Did you get shin splints because you were starting to train for that 5K??
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Twitter: ConnieFoggles
July 2, 2010 at 10:50 pm

I think you’re taking “family friendly” blog to a whole new level! Hope you’re feeling better.
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