I’m knee deep in mashed potatoes and my ankles never looked so delicious

by Creative Junkie on December 24, 2010

I just seeded a pomegranate by beating the snot out of it with a tenderizer mallet and now my hands and kitchen look like I skinned and gutted a tall human being. Just to clarify, I have neither skinned nor gutted a tall human being, even though he deserved it because he ate the Christmas Eve cheese that I specifically told him not to. Note to self: ask Santa for a biometric lock with built-in- facial recognition for our fridge.

I need a break from cooking so I’m going to take this opportunity to share with you a little Christmas story, courtesy of my mother-in-law. Did you know she once gave plant clippings to everyone for Christmas? Neither did I. Want to know what kind of plant it was?

A wandering jew.

You gotta love her. And suddenly, her son makes so much more sense to me.

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~ A little Christmas Story ~

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa out even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out Heaven knows where.

When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of it. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa! Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?”

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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Have a very merry Christmas, everyone!

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9 comments

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1
stacey@Havoc&Mayhem December 24, 2010 at 10:17 am

love your mother in law’s sense of humor
stacey@Havoc&Mayhem recently posted..Journal Your ChristmasMy Profile

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2
Janmary
Twitter: Janmary3
December 24, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Thanks for making me smile on Christmas Eve … and most of the rest if the year too :)

By any chance do you know where that super clever hiding place was where I stashed 2 of my daughters presents? I think we may have a new tradition in our house – find your own gift!
Janmary recently posted..On the 22nd December cant see the wood for the Christmas treesMy Profile

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3
Heather @ nobody-but-yourself
Twitter: MissusSmith
December 24, 2010 at 4:07 pm

*snort* That was great.

Merry Christmas! I hope that no one gives you any overpriced chia pets this year………. :-D
Heather @ nobody-but-yourself recently posted..May the Force be with you And also- baconMy Profile

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4
Nancy December 24, 2010 at 5:38 pm

You are my hero, did you know that? I have made the personalized hand gel for friends and family. Right now I am wondering if I can make some for strangers. I am planning to make your pine cone tree ornament and just printed out your mother in law’s Christmas Story to share. Thanks for always making me smile. You have a gift.

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5
Jill/Twipply Skwood December 24, 2010 at 6:42 pm

I didn’t even know you could tenderize pomegranates! Hope you have a great (albeit cheese free) Christmas!
Jill/Twipply Skwood recently posted..Satan Controls All Fun I didnt actually decide that I saw it on a church sign todayMy Profile

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6
Carolyn December 27, 2010 at 10:20 am

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That’s hysterical. The story and the wandering jew plant! :o)
Carolyn recently posted..I Cant Say What This Post Is About Because Im Scared to Type the Word AgainMy Profile

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7
Adrian December 28, 2010 at 1:23 am

Hilarious!!! I’ve never heard that one. Hope you guys had a great holiday.
Adrian recently posted..Clutterbugs- Time to Take the Tree DownMy Profile

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8
Norma Vargas December 29, 2010 at 6:05 am

I didn’t even know you could tenderize pomegranates! Hope you have a great (albeit cheese free) Christmas!

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9
Paula
Twitter: frostedfingers
December 29, 2010 at 8:01 am

OMG too funny!
Paula recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Merry ChristmasMy Profile

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