Why can’t the D.O.T. pave our highways with antacids instead of gravel? Then this crap wouldn’t happen to me.

by Creative Junkie on April 1, 2011

Remember me almost exactly two months ago, to the day?

I was the one whose windshield was the recipient of a pebble fart from a passing snowplow, causing it to crack like a plumber’s fanny and I didn’t have glass coverage on my auto policy? And I wound up adding glass coverage for a measly $9 a year but not before I had to pay out the nose for a brand new windshield, which I did by yanking a snot-covered check for $200 out of my left nostril and handing it over to the filthiest, scuzziest garage in western New York because they wouldn’t take credit cards? The same garage from which I almost contracted emphysema because it stuck its tobacco-infested tongue down my throat and french kissed my esophagus without my permission, five minutes before the rest of me was accosted by not one, not two but three drunkards, all while my fallopian tubes almost froze together?

Any of that ring a bell?

Guess what?

I-390 North is a raging, pebble-strewn, assy douche noodle with a shitty sense of humor. And acid reflux.

Later today, I’ll be having my almost brand new, $200 windshield replaced.

After that, I have my yearly appointment to have my boobs squished flat in an x-ray machine.

Guess which one of these appointments I’ll find immensely more enjoyable?




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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather @ nobody-but-yourself
Twitter: MissusSmith
April 1, 2011 at 8:14 am

Dude, that is one nasty April Fools’ joke the expressway played on you. Boo hiss. Don’t forget your brown-bagged bottle for your wait in ER…
Heather @ nobody-but-yourself recently posted..Off to the Great Fishbowl in the SkyMy Profile

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Lynn from For Love or Funny April 1, 2011 at 9:39 am

Hope you have a good mammo today!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..Itโ€™s only delusional if youโ€™re wrongMy Profile

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Twitter: lisanoel03
April 1, 2011 at 10:24 am

good luck with the mammo and sorry ’bout the windshield!! ๐Ÿ™
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stacey@Havoc&Mayhem April 1, 2011 at 11:23 am

sucks about the windshield! But thanks for reminding me I need to take my Imaging Referral form from my OB and actually make that bewb squishing appointment
stacey@Havoc&Mayhem recently posted..March readingMy Profile

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Tammy April 1, 2011 at 11:32 am

Did the chip spread into a crack? <– okay that sounds wrong on a whole ton of levels so get your mind out of the gutter, you know exactly what I mean!

We've had a chip on our windshield about 7 years ago, and it cracked about 2 inches from the chip, but they were able to do something where they stopped it from going any further, it only cost us about $25, and has held all these years.
Tammy recently posted..Kids Eat Free in April at IHOPMy Profile

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janmary, n ireland (but you know that - so visit me already!)
Twitter: Janmary3
April 1, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Hope you remembered to smile for the camera ๐Ÿ™‚
janmary, n ireland (but you know that – so visit me already!) recently posted..Bespoke OrdersMy Profile

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holly* April 1, 2011 at 4:52 pm

i’m really over with today already. hope your evening is better than the day portion….
holly* recently posted..heart pains and joysMy Profile

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Twitter: armsofasister
April 1, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Yikes. That’s definitely bad luck. I’d be so pissed!

I think your insurance company might just repair that chip rather than replace the whole thing. Usually if the “problem” is smaller than a dollar bill, they’re repair it instead.

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Jill/Twipply Skwood April 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Oh my gosh! I’m going to go out on a limb and say I wouldn’t find either one of those activities very enjoyable at all!
Jill/Twipply Skwood recently posted..Start With Pee- End With a Special Event Or maybe its the other way aroundMy Profile

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Janessa April 1, 2011 at 11:58 pm

You poor thing! Neither of those things sound remotely appealing!

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Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity
Twitter: BabyRocasMama
April 2, 2011 at 2:21 am

Dude, that BLOWS.

Which reminds me, I’m overdue for the “stand right here while we TRY to squish your ginormous boobs flatter than a pancake between two cold steel plates and pull it to the other side of the room but have to keep readjusting and bitching because you’re so tall and have ginormous natural tits we can’t afford to buy ourselves.” test.

I hate that damn test. And the skinny little twits who perform it on me.
Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted..I Am Attempting NaBloPoMo For The Month Of AprilMy Profile

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Brandi @ Flip Flop Mama April 2, 2011 at 4:18 pm

LOL at the way you post, but oh so sorry for the circumstances and your planned day ๐Ÿ™

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