I’m still here. Kind of.

by Creative Junkie on September 12, 2011

It’s been a couple of months now since my life was decimated by an F5 tornado.

Figuratively, I mean. Not literally. We typically don’t have tornadoes in my neck of the western New York woods. However, we did have a freak earthquake here the other week! But I didn’t really notice it. Well, I should say, I didn’t really appreciate it for what it was. I mean, I felt the earth move and everything but I assumed it was due to me shoving a vat of Nutella down my throat at the time.

When I say Nutella rocks my world, I am not blowing smoke up your fanny.

So, it’s been a couple of months since my world was upheaved and I still feel kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz except Dorothy wasn’t a forty-four year old mom unless she was hoarding her lost virginity, some Botox and an illegitimate child or two under Toto in that basket. And speaking of Toto, he wasn’t named Oliver and probably wouldn’t brave a funnel cloud to chase down a flying couch to the ends of the earth just so he could poop behind it out of sheer spite.

Is upheaved a word? It should be.

I’m still busy picking up the pieces of my life and trying to make sense of it all. I wish I could be one of those bloggers who can spew butterflies and rainbows and glitter all over her blog during a personal crisis, but I’m not. I also wish I could be the kind of blogger who bitches, moans and complains about the suckfest that has become her personal life all over her blog but I’m not.

OH, FOR GOD’S SAKE, FINE. I do bitch about stuff. And moan. And complain all the goddamn time a bit.

And seeing as how I did wax poetic about a thong recently and seeing as how that same thong is currently residing atop a stinky basket called I WILL PAY SOMEONE ONE MILLION DOLLARS TO WASH THIS, I guess you could technically argue that I have aired my dirty laundry on this blog.

I have always relied on humor to help carry me through difficult times but recently, I’ve been hard pressed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and rise above my own sorrow long enough to sit my ass back down and write about the funny, and this really blows because there are funny things to write about, even if some of them weren’t funny at the time or are mixed with equal parts heartbreak. Like, say, being in my forties and finding myself single parenting two for weeks/months/who-the-hell-knows-how-long-at-this-point, which, as it turns out, is a whole lot more exhausting than single parenting one in my thirties. And Zoe getting a job at McDonalds and buying ugly-ass Herman Munster shoes. And me landing my first job in the outside world in over eleven years only to suffer a cold sore, bladder infection and lice, YES I SAID LICE ARE YOU ITCHY YET, during my first week. And so on.

I hope to soon write about those things and more.

Just bear with me as I regroup and get back to a first name basis with my laptop. And if anybody’s got a spare pair of bootstraps lying around, I’ll take ’em.

.

.

60 comments

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{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

1
Amanda
Twitter: householdsix
September 12, 2011 at 7:54 am

I don’t think the lice are funny. That had to be pure suckage. But Zoe working at McD’s and buying Herman Munster shoes has to be funny. Especially if they reside next to last year’s prom shoes in her closet.

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2
Lynsey Jones September 12, 2011 at 8:04 am

Sooo love you and can not WAIT until you are “back at it” again. Much love to you friend!

And… I am sure that you can make even the topic of lice deliriously funny.
Lynsey Jones recently posted..Portofino Resort Pensacola Beach FloridaMy Profile

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3
SWJenn
Twitter: ScrapprsWkshp
September 12, 2011 at 8:05 am

Darlin’ you’ve got some bootstraps around there somewhere, probably under that stinky laundry. Do what needs to be done, come kvetch here when you need to, come shake your head and laugh when you need to. I have every confidence that you’ll figure out how to do this, and come out on top.

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4
Kristin September 12, 2011 at 8:12 am

If you find bootstraps, would you please share? I too, am drowning in the suckage. Want to catch up and look for the funny?

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5
esther_a September 12, 2011 at 8:20 am

I just discovered the derivation of the term “lousy” recently. What a terribly “lousy”x10 time you’ve had! I wish I could find you some bootstraps. I was hoping that this would not be the reason you requiring them. {{hugs}}
esther_a recently posted..RememberingMy Profile

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6
Beth
Twitter: BlissfulBabe
September 12, 2011 at 8:22 am

I’m still thinking of you. I know of what suckage you speak. And all I can say is, you will make it. As soon as I find that extra pair of bootstraps, I’ll send them your way.

Many hugs & much love.

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7
stacey@Havoc&Mayhem September 12, 2011 at 8:33 am

How did you get lice at work? I thought they were confined to the heads of grade schoolers.
stacey@Havoc&Mayhem recently posted..Entrepreneurial spiritMy Profile

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8
KateC September 12, 2011 at 8:36 am

We’re here waiting patiently…we get it. And lice? Really? Gotta go wash my hair…bye!
KateC recently posted..Some new LOsMy Profile

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9
Ann September 12, 2011 at 8:46 am

Even in the “suckage” of your life, you are still hysterical. So glad to see you post.

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10
Jen September 12, 2011 at 9:15 am

I feel you on the lice, we dealt with it last year. Things will get better, even though it doesn’t seem like it, it will.

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11
Scraps
Twitter: scrapsoflife
September 12, 2011 at 9:30 am

Man, it really sucks when life goes pear-shaped and I’m really sorry you’re having to go through all this right now.
Scraps recently posted..Do You Believe in Magic?My Profile

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12
Lor September 12, 2011 at 9:34 am

Hi Andy! So great to see you pop up. I wish I was a blogger reader that gives you great big squishy hugs filled with sunshine and rainbows but I am not. If I was I would certainly send them to you! Keep on going and for god’s sake come back soon and give us a something great to chuckle at, you are missed!

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13
Ruth September 12, 2011 at 10:02 am

Thanks for the lightness you bring to our days … hope it boomerangs back to you soon!

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14
Tina Burke
Twitter: tinster67
September 12, 2011 at 10:51 am

Big hugs. That’s all I can offer, but they are offered freely and consistantly.

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15
Heather T.
Twitter: heather_t_
September 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Lice?!? OHMYGOD. Stop trying on other people’s hats, eh?

So glad to see you pop up in my reader this morning, though! Hi! =)
Heather T. recently posted..It’s Tuesday–for the 12th time!My Profile

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16
Rocky September 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Glad to have a update of sorts! Reading between the lines,here for you whenever! Hang in there!

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17
Yogi
Twitter: thriftynistas
September 12, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Glad to see you’re hanging in there. You’re a mom and that’s what moms do, “Kick ass until they get the results they want!” Or are those Ninja Turtles? But anywhoo honey, sometimes life sends you bull—it to sift through but I’m convinced that when it is all over, God definitely has some blessing with your name on them.

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18
Carolyn
Twitter: CarolynRva
September 12, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Andy, only you seem to be able to take a life full of suckage and still manage to turn it into a funny blog post. Lice and everything. Word of advice, don’t pull yourself up by your thong. Instant wedgie.

Keep going, you’re doing great!

Hugs and love to my favorite blogger!

Carolyn
Carolyn recently posted..I do! I don’t! I do! I don’t!My Profile

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19
Heather @ nobody-but-yourself
Twitter: MissusSmith
September 12, 2011 at 5:48 pm

If you’re over the lice, cold sore, bladder infection, et cetera, I’d be happy to pop by and lend you some of my bootstraps. Just remember, mine are blue and red paisley. Also: roomy.

Call me! Text me! Roll up a note in your thong and slingshot it to my house! Okay, maybe not that last one. But holler at me or whatever the kids these days say. I don’t know what kids these days say, but all *my* kid says is big huge dramatic sighWhatEVER, so I guess I could go with that.

So, call me, text me, whatEVER! (Except the thong-note-slingshot.)

PS – I have the premiere ep of Anderson’s show on my DVR – we could have a viewing party…… πŸ™‚

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20
kristin September 13, 2011 at 7:43 am

We all need to catch up. It’s a shame you girls aren’t drinking, cuz I could really go with that. But cupcakes work tto. Okaay, FINE, salad. Hummpf. But I too have ANderson on my DVR. In. my bedroom, lol.

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21
Rebel Chick Jenn
Twitter: therebelchick
September 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm

We love you, and we will be here waiting for you. Take your time. xo xo

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22
Rachel September 18, 2011 at 12:47 pm

This. And I hope you bought extra Nutella after the lice… Blech. Hate those things!

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23
cindy September 12, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Andi, I know what you are going thru. Alot of it. If you need someone to talk to..that’s doesn’t really “know you”…you can email, pmail me anytime.
ie..cindyupnorth

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24
charline September 12, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.

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25
Joanna
Twitter: bugsinmyteeth
September 13, 2011 at 12:21 am

I’m sorry you have been dropped kicked through the goal post of life. You will come out of it stronger.

In the mean time, find people to laugh at. Best therapy ever.
Joanna recently posted..Not Much Of NothingMy Profile

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26
sarah
Twitter: caiafacraziness
September 13, 2011 at 3:55 am

hugs and prayers. Herman munster shoes made me giggle!
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27
Mary Ann September 13, 2011 at 7:47 am

Hugs and good thoughts coming your way… Holler if you need anything. Well, not literally because I tend to block out loud noises now that my 10 y.o. is listening to hip-hop… But you know what I mean.

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28
Bethany Larrabee
Twitter: http://musingmainiac.com
September 13, 2011 at 8:25 am

Big Hugs Andy…we all know how much you rock. I hope the hurt subsides soon and you can release the funny again!
Bethany Larrabee recently posted..Easy Pumpkin Cupcakes and Cupcake Bites with Cream Cheese FrostingMy Profile

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29
Granny Sue September 13, 2011 at 9:56 am

Can’t give you bootstraps, can give you love and prayers.
I firmly believe that we will see the good things of the Lord and laughter will be all around!

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30
Amy Kinnaird
Twitter: amykinnaird
September 13, 2011 at 10:39 am

Andrea, I don’t know you in person like some of these others do, but I wish you the best as you dog-paddle to the side. Most of us have stuff we are dealing with – your struggles are probably bigger than many. We don’t know how strong we are until strong is the only option left. You seem mighty strong.

As a private person myself I appreciate your refusal to air your dirty laundry.
Hang in there. You still have much to be grateful for.
Amy Kinnaird recently posted..A check, a bank, and a cool girlMy Profile

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31
Martha September 13, 2011 at 8:34 pm

LICE?? ‘k now kiddo…if anyone can do LICE you can!! LOL!! No not funny I know..however I know YOU can make lice funny if anyone can! Can’t wait to talk. We have lots of catching up to do. After all we started our “out side the home” jobs at the same time!

?

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32
Lindsay September 13, 2011 at 9:31 pm

You have definitely been dealt a sucky hand, but if there’s one thing I know it’s that you’re strong as can be and you are going to find your funny bone soon!
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33
Shannon September 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Sounds like we are both getting dealt a sucky hand lately. But I’m under the impression we are both too damned mean to not come out of this doing just fine. Good to see you!

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34
Felicia Stevenson September 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I so feel your pain, I’ve so been there. Check out my blog for posts about my own struggles with anxiety and depression.
Felicia Stevenson recently posted..Passenger – A revealing look into the crazy/beautiful mind of Felicia StevensonMy Profile

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35
Barb
Twitter: barbhogan
September 15, 2011 at 6:10 am

Herman Munster shoes are funny. Everything else….well, not so much. My heart is breaking for you, I sure wish I was closer and could really help out, even if it was to just supply you with gallons of cheap wine. Love you! <3

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36
kristin September 15, 2011 at 8:21 am

@Barb – road trip! πŸ™‚

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37
Marianna September 15, 2011 at 9:36 am

I am so sorry you are going through all of this crap. You don’t deserve it. And Lice? Bleh. Did you get lice from your job?
Marianna recently posted..Grilled Summer Vegetable SandwichMy Profile

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38
Annie @ Mama Dweeb September 15, 2011 at 10:55 am

You have friends here Andy that are ready to give you a hug, a laugh or shed a tear with your posts when you write them again. Take your time, take care of YOU.
Annie @ Mama Dweeb recently posted..Last day to enter Macys classroom makeover!My Profile

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39
Rebel Chick Jenn
Twitter: therebelchick
September 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Lice are the bane of my existence. I wish there was a lice-removal service we could call when our kids come home with them!
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40
Meg September 15, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Ummm…. I don’t think you need the bootstraps, you’ll be fine. How do I know? Because you took the reigns and took control of your life….went back in the work force after all that time when you could have wallowed and hid in your house. The funny will come…I bet it will be healing! Can’t wait!

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41
Debbie Gabura
Twitter: Gabura
September 15, 2011 at 7:42 pm

We are all here for you – I have missed you and your lovely twist on things. I too have survived single motherhood – it does suck but it does get better.

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42
Shop with Me Mama (Kim)
Twitter: shopwithmemama
September 16, 2011 at 1:16 am

Surprised someone in your house got LICE!! You won’t even share hats! LOL! I am sorry hon πŸ™ I hope things get better, they HAVE to, right? You are in my thoughts girl, HUGS.
Shop with Me Mama (Kim) recently posted..The Moon Dough Gets A “Doughlift”! (Review)My Profile

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43
Kathy
Twitter: amomsimpression
September 16, 2011 at 9:20 pm

You will find your funny back! And when you do, I can not wait to hear about this lice story. I know you will be able to spin it better than anyone. We are hear for you if you need to talk, or vent, or even cry.
Kathy recently posted..Britax Marathon 70 Review and GiveawayMy Profile

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44
Kathy September 17, 2011 at 4:57 am

Your “bootstrap” is your writing and no one can take that away from you. Have missed your posts…
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45
Whitney
Twitter: whitneybaugh
September 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm

I’m so glad you are still posting and I hope you find your groove soon. It’s amazing that you can have me laughing when I know that you’ve had it rough lately. Congratulations on your new job!
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46
Cindy W. September 18, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Love reading your blog, find you hilarious but completely get that some days you just don’t have funny in you. I survived the implosion of a 26 year marriage due to infidelity and I am here to tell you that it does get better. I have been single now almost 6 years and I feel like a new woman. Whatever you are dealing with, it WILL get better. It sure the hell won’t feel like it some days but hang in there. Good luck and I vote for wrapping the lice in the thong and tossing the whole shebang. πŸ˜‰

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47
Tricia Night Owl Mama September 20, 2011 at 12:25 am

Ewwww lice Good god girl. Ick. and yes I’m itchng I hate them little buggers

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48
Bobbie September 20, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I don’t have bootstraps, but I do have Nutella.. Surely that will hold you over.. I mean at least you’d get up to get a spoon; you do use a spoon right? Or at we at the point of licking out of the jar? At any rate, I am looking forward to you getting back to things. Take the time to heal and get yourself on track. We miss you and we love you, but we want YOU. πŸ˜‰ <3
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49
Janice September 21, 2011 at 3:36 am

great post thanks for sharing this with us i am so happy i heard Nutella i love nutella ever..
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50
Betty September 21, 2011 at 4:50 pm

It is great that you find humor in things happening in your life. A trait worth the admiration. I am sure you’ll find a solution in all of your dilemmas. Good luck on the stinky laundry and lice problem.
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51
Kathleen September 22, 2011 at 11:32 am

Ugh lice are awful. I had them as a kid and wish them upon no one. It isn’t like you weren’t already dealing with enough right? {Hugs} and just know we are always here for you!
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52
Rachel - Following In My Shoes September 26, 2011 at 1:50 pm

How are things going this week, Andy?
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53
Elle September 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Hi, I only just stumbled upon your blog and I am sorry that the time I chose to find you is during a bad time. I am sorry you are having a poo time… and being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world… my hat goes off to you. My Mother is a single parent and I am sure you cope just as fantastically as she did. I am a nanny and I look after 2 kids solo for 10 hours a day so I have a sneak peek into the world of parenting and I don’t know how you single mummies do it. Bravo! πŸ™‚

p.s. I am loving your work

Elle xo
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54
Penelope September 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Andy, I miss you! Come back!!
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55
Toni @ A Daily Dose September 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I found you from momdot, and this is my first time reading about what all is going on . I am so sorry you had such a rough go of things and I truly hope they are looking up.
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56
Beth September 28, 2011 at 1:09 pm

It’s a line line between comedy and tragedy – you are walking that line very well. Thanks for making me laugh and wince!

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57
Michelle J October 6, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Oh wow that totally sucks! I don’t have an extra pair of bootstraps, but when I find a spare I’ll send them your way!
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58
jewel October 7, 2011 at 7:40 am

I must really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Good luck on the stinky laundry and lice problem.hehehe..You make me laugh!
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59
Kelly
Twitter: texastypeamom
October 20, 2011 at 12:21 am

((Hugs)) I hope things are getting more bearable as the days go by.
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60
Anne November 6, 2011 at 8:57 pm

hope things get better soon
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