If you make a living as a chauffeur for fecal matter, I guess you had better have a sense of humor

by Creative Junkie on September 29, 2011

Yesterday, it took me one hour to drive one mile YES I SAID ONE FREAKING MILE and I don’t even live in LA.

I live in western New York where Route 590 is a goddamn, filthy cesspool of traffic jam every morning.

Periodically, while at yet another dead stop, I’d yell SHIT SHIT SHITTY SHIT SHIT ON A STICK at the miles of vehicles stretched out before me, including this one, whose cargo, I believe, turned out to be quite prophetic.

Irony, thy name is Witty Septic Guy.




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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

Twitter: householdsix
September 29, 2011 at 7:42 am

Sounds like how I-81 gets here. I swear there’s an accident at least once a week that slows traffic to a stop.
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Twitter: barbhogan
September 29, 2011 at 7:49 am

That’s hilarious!
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Twitter: CarolynRva
September 29, 2011 at 7:58 am

I would want to hurt myself every morning if I had to drive in traffic like that.

On another note, I bet that kind of daily stress would qualify you for medical marijuana. You should look into that.
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ChristyC September 29, 2011 at 8:20 am

On the back of one of our local (Maryland) septic company’s trucks, it reads “Politicians’ promises on board.” I’ve followed that one a few times. All of their trucks have witty sayings. Who knew septic company owners had a universal sense of humor?

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Marianna October 8, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Oh that is a funny one too!
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Heather @ nobody-but-yourself
Twitter: MissusSmith
September 29, 2011 at 8:22 am

Yeah, 590 is a pot-hole laden stretch of traffic hell. So is 490. And 390. Basically, all of our “expressways” are the exact opposite of “express” during any hour remotely connected with “commuting to work” – this is no small part of why we moved from one side of the county to the other. I’m so glad that I live close enough to my work that I could walk and/or ride a bike there. Could, mind you. Theoretically. Not that I actually *have* or anything.

Witty Septic Guy made me snicker.

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Jill/Twipply Skwood September 29, 2011 at 8:31 am

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Kasandria Reasoner September 29, 2011 at 10:44 am

Wow can you imagine describing what you do for a living at a party? lol
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Janmary, N Ireland September 29, 2011 at 11:13 am

Hilarious – and good to see you still write hilarious blog posts too.

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Jenny September 29, 2011 at 11:19 am
Heather T.
Twitter: heather_t_
September 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Maybe you could walk the mile: just rope the wheel and leave the car in neutral and have other people push it, then you can hop back in when it catches up. Exercise, less frustration!

And that’s a pretty darn funny sign…

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Lindsay September 29, 2011 at 8:28 pm

That is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time! I had to read it to my husband and could barely get through it due to the laughing!
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Kandee September 29, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Before moving to California 5 years ago, we lived in Webster NY. Our septic tank cleaner’s name was Mr. Pitts… Ironic how a name can so fit the profession.

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Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity
Twitter: BabyRocasMama
September 30, 2011 at 2:09 am


BTW, you actually made better time than we do out here in LA traffic. Just sayin.
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Twitter: bugsinmyteeth
September 30, 2011 at 2:15 am

I betcha ya no one gets in a wreck with him. Crash!! Shit! Why yes, yes it is and all over your car.
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Rebel Chick Jenn
Twitter: therebelchick
September 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm

LOL!! What really, really cracks me up is the bucket attached to the septic tank!!
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Michelle J September 30, 2011 at 11:50 pm

Too funny!!!
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Marianna October 1, 2011 at 8:48 am

Ugh I am sorry for your craptastic drive but that truck is hilarious!
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Twitter: amomsimpression
October 1, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Nothing frustrates me more than traffic. I feel your pain!!!
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Holly October 2, 2011 at 4:59 am

LOL! I definitely appreciate that driver’s sense of humour!
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Penelope October 2, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Omg, I never saw one of those before….eeew!
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Twitter: IDoTheeWedSara
October 2, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Annie @ Mama Dweeb October 3, 2011 at 9:48 am

that is hilariously ironic! OMG!! I am so glad we don’t have traffic like that here. hooray for living in the country! 😀
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Lisa @ Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy
Twitter: lisanoel03
October 3, 2011 at 11:46 am

LOL we must be able to laugh at ourselves to truly enjoy life and it seems that driver can!
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Toni @ A Daily Dose October 3, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Ugh I have been in situations like that. I remember an hour drive taking us 5 omg i was ready to die and we still had 11 hours to go after that.
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hairstyles for girls October 3, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Oh shoot. It looks like you would have been better off walking. 😉

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Anne - Mommy Has to Work October 3, 2011 at 8:49 pm

LOL – That’s too funny!
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tricia Nightowlmama October 5, 2011 at 11:39 pm

yalk that is soooo gross
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kenyagirl October 6, 2011 at 8:22 am

LOL that was disgusting, just think what was inside that tank makes you say yuck! well better off to just slow down on the side then let it pass for about 20 minutes. It was not your day friend! better to follow a forklift that that.
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Kathleen October 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm
Cindy W. October 8, 2011 at 8:38 am

Too funny. Hope things are going better for you and yours.

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Rachel - Following In My Shoes October 10, 2011 at 12:59 am


(but sorry you had to be stuck behind him for so long!)

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Jenna Haskins October 10, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I’ve been reading all of your posts about Oliver (and a few other ones too, I thouroughly enjoy your wit!) and I was wondering if you could tell me where you got him? My dog Persie (short for Persistent, she was a barker) died recently and I’ve made a deal with my parents to buy another dog in January. Persie was a shih-tzu and I really like the shih-poo mix. I live in Massachusetts but I’m having trouble finding a reputable shih-poo breeder anywhere near here, so New York isn’t looking too bad if thats where you got him! (Also he is incredibly adorable, despite his defecation problems!) If you could help me out I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!

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Rebel Chick Jenn
Twitter: therebelchick
October 11, 2011 at 11:22 am

I love those crazy photos opps that you just can’t make up!
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Trishia October 12, 2011 at 1:11 am

hahaha! I really laugh hard on the picture.. Is this fr real? This is really funny.. Stinky Bus!
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Dawn C
Twitter: dawnsdailydiggs
October 14, 2011 at 11:26 pm

That is funny!
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Twitter: IDoTheeWedSara
October 14, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Gotta make ya laugh!
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Lisa October 15, 2011 at 6:09 am

Hahaha, this is awesome!
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Twitter: texastypeamom
October 15, 2011 at 10:40 pm

HAHA I would have taken a pic too!
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Twitter: whitneybaugh
October 16, 2011 at 12:04 am

I love it when I really do get a chuckle out of a post. Stool Bus? That is awesome, haha.
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Dee October 16, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Rebel Chick Jenn
Twitter: therebelchick
October 17, 2011 at 9:56 am

I keep checking back for newness…I’m thinking of you and wishing you well. xo xo
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Wella M. October 17, 2011 at 10:31 am

oh how i hate traffic too! but on the other hand you just crack me up…it is freakin hilarious! lol
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Dee @ Cocktails with Mom October 17, 2011 at 8:54 pm

This is just too funny. Never heard of a stool bus before lol.
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Karylle Lynch October 19, 2011 at 4:49 am

This is so funny! So where are the kiddos?lols I definitely love the humor of the driver’s or owner of the septic tank! Anyway, be glad because it is not every morning that you can see that!
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Twitter: ohkeeka
October 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm

HA! Also: ew. That’s a job I definitely wouldn’t want.

…and hey, this is my first time here and I notice you love Nutella and Anderson Cooper too. You clearly have impeccable taste.
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Tony Scott October 20, 2011 at 2:49 am

Really funny and fitting, the septic guy with stool bus. Witty in fact!

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Anne November 13, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I hate sitting in traffic, it is so frustrating.
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Kaz November 23, 2011 at 2:46 am

lol that’s too funny! well the sign at the back of that truck. 😀
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Dublin Chauffeur August 21, 2013 at 8:51 am

Whoever doesn’t have a chuckle at that has no sense of humour!

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