It’s like I’m living a really crappy Lifetime movie

by Creative Junkie on October 20, 2011

If you’ve been around here for awhile, you know that my family has been going through something since June. I’ve been posting sporadically since then and only occasionally referencing the total suckage that has become my life, without getting into detail.

I thought that maybe I had it in me to continue posting innocuous, funny stories and use my blog as an escape from the bitter, harsh reality that I am living.

I admit defeat. The funny continues to elude me. I hope that won’t always be the case. But for the moment, it is.

My blog has always been based on my life. My stories are grounded in truth albeit garnished with a bit of exaggeration. I drew my inspiration from my husband and my kids. And my dog’s poop.

I loved my life. Even the poop behind the couch was expected, a familiar constant, a sign that yes, my life was average and normal and predictable but in a good, comforting way.

There is nothing predictable about my life now. I am struggling to find any source of comfort. I have been thrown into a new normal and I am floundering.

The man I have deeply loved for fourteen years, my husband for the last twelve, with whom I raised a family I adore, the subject of so many stories on this blog, is no longer the man I know. He hasn’t been for some time but I kept fighting to bring him back because denial is a wonderful thing. It shields you from pain so horrendous, you cannot even imagine.

But reality is brutal and merciless and it comes at you at warp speed when you least expect it, cloaked in a frigid coat of betrayal so staggering and cruel, it knocks you breathless and senseless, leaving you doubled-over with gut-wrenching sorrow.

For the preservation of myself and that of our kids, I have made an agonizing decision to separate our lives.

I am inconsolable. I am numb. I feel so empty.

I think I am still in shock.

And I am so profoundly sad that it is hard to simply breathe.

The rational, logical part of me knows that I am a strong woman and that I will be OK. That these were his choices and not a reflection on me. That I’ve already proven I can single parent, having done it for the last two years in one sense or another. That there are still blessings in my life and that I am so incredibly fortunate to have two wonderful daughters who really, if truth be told, are the only reasons I have continued to wake up every morning and get out of bed.

But I cannot reconcile that part of me with the emotional part of me which still cannot grasp the enormity of what has happened to us. The part that is wondering what is wrong with me, why wasn’t I good enough, pretty enough, whatever enough. The part that is heartbroken and feels like a colossal failure. The part that is desperately trying to make sense of this, the part that refuses to believe that the man I so deeply love could have done the things he did, the part that cannot come to grips with the overwhelming loss, the part that can’t look at anything without being blindsided by a memory of our life together.

Memories hurt.

 

.

.

115 comments

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{ 104 comments… read them below or add one }

1
Heather M October 20, 2011 at 8:52 am

I’m so sorry… you will make it through tis.. it’ll be really damned hard but you can do it..

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2
laloca October 20, 2011 at 8:53 am

i’ve been there. and it sucks. and it’s little consolation for a complete stranger to tell you that this too, shall pass, and you shall heal, and you shall be happy again. but i’ve found it to be true.

your writing has lost none of its wonderfulness. your strength comes through loud and clear.
laloca recently posted..in which i write a rambling post about a bunch of thingsMy Profile

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3
Amanda
Twitter: householdsix
October 20, 2011 at 8:54 am

(((hugs))) It’s a grieving process. You’ve had so many years together, and not all of them were bad. From the sound of it, not even a majority of them were, so I can understand how you’re reeling. It’s a loss. Like the loss of anything, you need time to grieve that, and denial is part of that process. If nothing else, I hope you find at least one thing to do for yourself that makes YOU happy. Time for YOU. Even if it’s just stopping for 5 minutes to eat a spoonful of Nutella or stare at Anderson Cooper’s likeness.
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4
Bethany Larrabee
Twitter: http://musingmainiac.com
October 20, 2011 at 8:56 am

I am so sorry you are going through this. You are a wonderful person, woman and mother. I know you will come out of this and find your funny again. Chin up my dear…you have legions of woman behind you who have your back!
Bethany Larrabee recently posted..Funny Zombie BabyMy Profile

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5
Ria October 20, 2011 at 8:57 am

I am so sorry. {{{{hugs}}} My own marriage had a wee meltdown labour day weekend, we are working on it, counselling etc. But the line “And I am so profoundly sad that it is hard to simply breathe.” Jumped out at me, that is how I felt for a good part of September. I wanted to cry for you, it is so hard. You can get through this, and you will, and you know if you need to vent, there is a whole cyber world of people here for you.

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6
HeatherLeah October 20, 2011 at 8:58 am

Nate is officially on then “Men Who Suck” list. I hate that he has done this and made you feel this way. I only know you from the blog, but you don’t deserve this and he doesn’t deserve you. The funny will come back – someday. And when it does, your readers, who love you, respect you, and enjoy your company, will be here – waiting. We’ve relied on you for entertainment and laughs. It’s ok to rely on us for support and love

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7
paula
Twitter: frostedfingers
October 20, 2011 at 9:04 am

I know I don’t say so, but I think of you a lot. Huge hugs.
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8
dysfunctional mom October 20, 2011 at 9:09 am

I feel like a douche, I’ve been in la-la-land and didn’t realize you were in the middle of a shit storm.
I truly believe that you are strong, and you may have to keep reminding yourself of that and draw from wells of strength that you didn’t even know existed. But you will be okay.
If you need to talk, email me. You are not alone.

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9
Scraps
Twitter: scrapsoflife
October 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

I am so sorry–I figured it must be something of this level that had you in a tailspin (hate being right all the time).

But, you know what? Those Lifetime movies? Even the crappy ones have women who are strong and they always get their happy ending, even if it’s not the traditional happily ever after. It sucks now, I know, I’ve been in similar shoes myself, but you’ve got strength inside you that’s yet to show itself and you will prevail.

Wishing you comfort…
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10
Becky October 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

I am very sorry for what you are going through, but I applaud your attitude and how you are handling a life changing situation. You could be on your blog, bashing him and venting for the world to see, but you still maintain dignity and poise and respect for the father of your kids. You are too good for him. My BEST friend in the universe has been struggling in her marriage for years. She is beyond gorgeous inside and out. If I were into chicks, I would totally put a ring on her finger. She is a hard worker, a fabulous mom, an incredible friend, daughter, wife, you name it. And her husband has done and continues to do unspeakable things. It kills me. IT IS NOT HER, and IT IS NOT YOU. There is nothing about you that made your husband act the way he is acting. There is something wrong with HIM. It’s hard to accept and understand, and I would be second guessing myself as well… it’s human nature. But truth be told, you are not the reason someone else makes crappy choices. I hope you find strength in your daughters, your ‘fans’, your friends, and everything else in life that brings happiness.

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11
Barb
Twitter: barbhogan
October 20, 2011 at 9:16 am

Very well said.
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12
photojenic October 20, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Amen. Becky is absolutely correct.

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13
Janice October 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

I’m so sorry … Went through something somewhat similar several years ago. I remember all of the feelings you’re describing. I just had to feel terrible until I didn’t feel terrible anymore. It took a long time. And I still live with that pain in a corner of my heart. I have no advice, but humor did help, eventually. Hugs.

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14
Helusion October 20, 2011 at 9:13 am

Oh my goodness πŸ™ I am SO sorry you have to experience this. Having gone through the same two years ago, I know the destruction it can have on your emotions. Just know, YOU are the key to your own happiness. It is horrendous to go through, but also, unless you were a terrible person, (Which I know you weren’t) you CAN’T blame yourself. People change, and sometimes even with all of our efforts, nothing can be done about it. Just know we all love you and will be here to do what we can. <3

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15
Barb
Twitter: barbhogan
October 20, 2011 at 9:16 am

My heart hurts for you, as you know.
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16
SWJenn
Twitter: ScrapprsWkshp
October 20, 2011 at 9:18 am

I’m glad you’re sharing here, sharing helps lighten the load. You will grieve, for a very long time. But before too long you’ll decide that the sad isn’t fun, and dammit you’re not going to let him mess up your life AND get your fun too. Then you’ll start having days where you not only breathe, but laugh. Meanwhile, know that you are dearly loved by so many of us, and NOT just because you are funny. We love you when you’re sad too, because we love YOU. So I’m glad you’re sharing here and letting us support you. If there’s anything I can do you know where I am. And I could think of some very inventive things to spraypaint on the side of someone’s car…

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17
Diane October 20, 2011 at 9:29 am

As a long time reader, I am so sad for you. It just sucks. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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18
Cindy W. October 20, 2011 at 9:32 am

I am totally reading between the lines here and may be way off base but I think your story is similar to mine. I was married for 26 years when I discovered my ex was having an affair. With a woman he worked with who also worked with both of our sons. With a woman he invited to our 25th anniversary party while he was f()*_ing her. \

It hurt so bad I thought I would die. I hoped I would die. I was crushed. I got through it one day at a time, one hour at a time and some times it was one minute at a time. Gradually it got better. Not overnight but so slowly I didn’t notice it until I realized I got through a day without crying. Then I got through a day without hating him. Then without thinking of him. It has been almost six years and my life has never been better. Will it ever be the same. No but it is a great life. My kids were my life stone. I had to make myself breathe for their sakes.

You will make it through. You will be better than ever. The one thing you absolutely need to know is that it was never about you. No matter what he says, no matter what she looks like, no matter what you hear about them, it was never about you. It IS about him, his lack of morals, his lack of virtue, his lack of common sense and his lack love for you.

Hold your girls close. Keep your friends around you. Take all the time you need to recover and rebuild your life. A new life that will be different but good. Be kind to yourself. Get a good therapist if you need one. Good luck to you and your girls.

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19
Dianne Snow December 3, 2011 at 8:25 am

Wow….can’t believe how much your story sounds like mine! I was with my ex for 32 years,married for 25 of them. High school sweethearts. He also had an affair with a woman he worked with, and my son also worked there. This was the hardest thing I have EVER gone through!
Now it is 3 years later and have never been happier. Met a man got married and moved from the only place I had ever lived, Maine, to North Carolina ….I was terrified!!! But I am loving it here so much and loving my life that now I see it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I don’t mean to ramble but just wanted to show that yes, things do get better with time. When all of this was happening , my sister kept telling me that change was always for the good and I didn’t believe her then…..I sure do now!

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20
Jessica Hill October 20, 2011 at 9:39 am

I am so, so sorry for you, Andy. I can’t imagine the memories that are dragged up each day. You shouldn’t have to go through this; no one should. I am praying for you and your daughters that each day becomes easier and easier.
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21
Melissa October 20, 2011 at 10:05 am

I will be the first to admit that I HATE platitudes at times like this. Part of me wants to wallow in my sorry and shout to the world “No, dammit! You don’t get it. You haven’t been there! You have no freaking clue!” And you know what? We don’t. All we can do is offer sisterhood and support and let you know that you are strong, you are not alone and you will rise above this. We can’t possibly know how broken you are right now. All we can do is offer the superglue to help put you back together. The best superglue you have is your daughters. Show them that it’s OK to cry, it’s OK to hurt and it’s OK to move on because this world has so much to offer. Show your daughters what being a woman really means – that strength can be found in our weakness and hope in our sorry and one day, the pain will hurt a little less and you’ll find yourself smiling again, then laughing and then living. Much love and support to you and yours!
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22
Tracey October 20, 2011 at 10:08 am

I’m sorry you are going through this. I went through a 23 month long nasty divorce and I honestly wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It brings out the worst, and you stand there wondering who is the two-headed freak I loved enough to have children with….

Take time to grieve, to find the new you, and you will rise up on the other side.

Many many hugs.

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23
Melissa October 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

P.S. You are not responsible for his actions and you are good enough, pretty enough and whatever enough. Please always remember that!
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24
Ruth October 20, 2011 at 10:19 am

{{Andi}} <3

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25
Angie C. October 20, 2011 at 10:32 am

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

I just wanted to say – you are good enough, you are pretty enough, and dammit, we like you. πŸ™‚

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26
Ann October 20, 2011 at 10:51 am

I figured that was what was going on. You don’t deserve this, but someday you will look back on all this as just a very distant memory. I have been having some issues in my own marriage, (not to that level) and often wish I could look at my husband and feel the way I did about him just a short year ago. I look at friends who seem so happy and comfort myself with the knowledge that no one know was goes on behind their closed doors.

You will come out on top!

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27
Heather T.
Twitter: heather_t_
October 20, 2011 at 11:17 am

Hard to say anything that hasn’t been said–there are a bunch of wise voices ahead of me. I’m so sorry it’s hit you so hard. I think you’ve already done much of the hard work–selling the house (?), going back to work, keeping the two girls going–and yourself. Just from the stories of your weight loss, I know you have a core of steel, and I expect that this will keep your feet moving while the rest of you crumbles apart for a while.

I wish I lived closer and knew you in real life! There would be a great many hugs coming…
Heather T. recently posted..Dress-Up (20% off through Sunday)My Profile

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28
Teri October 20, 2011 at 11:32 am

Oh Andi, my heart feels your pain. I am through a part of my life that was similar to yours. My children too, were what kept me going. I finally told myself I had to find the fun and wonderful in the world again. Every day I made myself find one thing that made me smile or happy. I called it My Beautiful. One day it was a red fall tree in the sunshine. One day it was a baby laughing, etc. Each night when I went to bed I tried to recall my beautiful. It’s silly and simple, but it made me focus on the fact that not every single thing in my life was crap. It didn’t always help much, but over time it got easier, never the same again, but easier. I hope your new normal gets easier to bear and someday you wake up and say, I feel good today πŸ™‚

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29
Tina Burke
Twitter: tinster67
October 20, 2011 at 11:56 am

Andy, I send you all my good thoughts and prayers, and much love. I am so sorry you and your girls are going through this, but hold onto the belief that you will all come through it stronger on the other side. I hope that the support of your friends, family, and the people who comment here on your blog lifts you up when you need it most. People love and care for you, and will be there when you need them. Lean on them, let them share the burden if only a bit. It will help. I am sending virtual hugs!

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30
sue October 20, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I don’t have any advice, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are suffering right now. I hope those two girls keep your spirits up. They are the best thing you ever did.

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31
stacey@Havoc&Mayhem October 20, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Oh hon, I wish I lived closer so I could give you a hug & lend you a hand. You are a smart, strong woman and you will get through this. We are all behind you
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32
Machelle October 20, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I’m so sorry Andy…I wish my arms could reach all the way from California to New York to give you a hug…but then I would have freakishly long arms, so maybe not. So I’m sending a virtual hug! Been there, done that…and all I can tell you is that it does get better. πŸ™‚

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33
Nicole October 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Oh Andy…I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I wrote once on your FB post about how I’m in the same situation and readng this post just strikes me because it’s exactly how I’m feeling. I have been struggling to bring back the man I fell in love with for the past 2 years as well; he, too, has made some baffling decisions that have really hurt me and our 2 young boys; I have lost my job because of his choices, and we have spent our entire life savings and his 401K andhave borrowed (so far) over $5K from our families just to pay bills and stay in our home…and now we’re losing our home anyway. My 5 year old is autistic with sensory processing issues and is currently having behavioral issues at school that require immediate attention to KEEP him in school, and I also have a very active 2 year old. Because we have children together, I can’t leave the state without my hubby’s permission, so I don’t even have family or friends to rely on (my only friend having turned her back on me). So, with 2 boys under the age of 5, no job, no family, no friends, soon no place to live, and no child support because my soon-to-be ex-husband is in a addiction recovery facility and not working, I now have to try to figure out how to survive. On top of that, I’m now feeling guilty for making this post about ME! LOL I guess I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I can feel some of your pain. Take some strength from the fact that you have been through one divorce…you can survive another. And it should NOT be a reflection on you as a person. You have 2 beautiful and well-adjusted daughters who love you and need you; YOU are a beautiful, creative and very talented woman. Somehow, you will get through it, somehow life will go on. And I say that for me, too, because it’s hard to believe sometimes! I know you don’t know me, but–seriously–if you ever want to just have a bitch-fest or a pity party with someone going through a similar experience, please write to me. I hope you find solace in all the good wishes so many people are sending your way. You have a lot of friends and fans who wish you nothing but the best! Hang in there!!

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34
Janmary (Atlanta!) October 20, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Everyone has already said so many lovely and wise words – so I’ll just add a ((((hug))))
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35
Britiney @ Consider the Lilies
Twitter: britineyj
October 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I’m completely at a loss for words, so I’ll pray, because that’s all I know to do.

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36
carolyn
Twitter: CarolynRva
October 20, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Andy, I’m so sorry. I’d try to find something funny to say, but let’s just face it. This is SUCKAGE. I’m sorry my blogging friend. xoxo
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37
Heather @ nobody-but-yourself
Twitter: MissusSmith
October 20, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Hey lady –

You know where I am when/if you need me. I come with brownies if need be, too, don’t forget. Also granny bloomers, if they’re needed. Oh, and let’s not forget the passive-aggressive accessories – happy to lend you a scarf. πŸ˜‰

(((((hugs)))))
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38
Kellie October 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I’m SO sorry Andy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your girls. HUGS

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39
esther_a October 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Andy, please don’t beat yourself up. I know we only know you through your blog but you are a terrific, witty, thoughtful, intelligent, creative, loving person. You are worth so much. You deserve better. I hope the symbolic “Stool Bus” gets out of your road and lets you get on with your life.
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40
Missy
Twitter: karmatir
October 20, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I went through something similar – though my ex-husband lost his damn mind. Literally. He went off the deep end and I couldn’t bring him back nor did he want to come back. He disappeared on me for 2 years. Just missing. I had no way to track him down except for a few bills and the lick he would send to my address. It hurt so much knowing it wasn’t me and there wasn’t anything I could.

This too shall pass and it will hurt less. Can’t say it will ever go away but it definitely will hurt less.
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41
Maren October 20, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I’ve been there. I never had children with him, but I’m divorced as well.

Also, I’m 100 times stronger than I was long before I even met him, and I know you will be to. Just keep on keepin’ on. You’ve got this. You’re a strong, beautiful, resilient woman. Your family is in my thoughts & prayers.
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42
Nancy B October 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Andy, I too have been reading your blog for a long time and echo what so many wise women before have said…I am sending huge hugs from Ontario Canada and adding to the long list of support! We got your back, girl! You and your girls will be in my thoughts too. xo

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43
Mary Ann October 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm

There isn’t anything I can say that someone else hasn’t already said. That being said, I can rally the troops whenever you’re ready for the distraction of a girls’ night out… You have a lot of support, both here at home and out there in cyberspace. Sending hugs up town…

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44
Martha October 20, 2011 at 8:15 pm

wow..so many of the comments are soo good! I wish there were a “Like” button next to all of them! I’m glad you put it out here Andy. You have soo many friends who will support you even across the miles πŸ™‚ You know I’m here. btw..you’ve given me the courage and strength to go ahead and blog my story. Will let you know when it comes to fruition. (((hugs))) to you and the girls.

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45
Joanna
Twitter: bugsinmyteeth
October 21, 2011 at 1:19 am

To be honest, if you were all the sun’ll come out tomorrow and things will be fine even though I was smashed to bits – I would be freaked out that you are a robot. You got karate chopped to the gut so I’m thinking this is your story of climbing out of the pit to kick life right in the fershizle – whatever that may be. I’m sorry you are going through this. Your humor has pulled me out of the dull-drums a few times. Wish I was half as funny as you to offer the same.
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46
Sam
Twitter: kidsumers
October 21, 2011 at 7:44 am

I’m so sorry.
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47
Kim @ What's That Smell? October 21, 2011 at 8:19 am

I’m so sorry.

You are so much better than this pain makes you feel………one day the fog will lift and you will find yourself even stronger.
Kim @ What’s That Smell? recently posted..Stand Up For Family – comedy the whole family can enjoyMy Profile

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48
Tracy Stone October 21, 2011 at 8:19 am

Good luck to you. It’s terrible that you have to go through this and a little disheartening to see how many women have gone through this already. Let me just say that eventually it gets better and I have some really good “tricks” (NO, not that kind) I pulled if you need any ideas. Made me feel better, anyway. Wonderful words from the people before me. Thinking of you…

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49
Katrina October 21, 2011 at 11:44 am

Andy, I have no wise words or particularly comforting thoughts, but I really want to send you a cyber ((hug)). I cannot imagine what you are going through, but your words painted a picture that makes my heart ache for you. I am so sorry. <3
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50
Karen October 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

When I read your words I felt your pain. My stomach ached and my heart hurts for you. Continue to get up each day even if for now it is only for your two beautiful, wonderful girls. Someday, and sooner than you realize, you will be getting up for you. It will get better. In the meantime, it sucks. It’s okay to feel that way, to hurt and to be angry. You are justified in your feelings, don’t deny them. Know that you are good enough, pretty enough, all that you can be, should be, and ought to be. He isn’t. Sad, but true. There is something missing inside of him that he could hurt someone that he has loved in such a way. Believe in yourself, we believe in you!

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51
Kelly W October 21, 2011 at 10:07 pm

(((hugs))) Although my circumstances are not the same the end result feels the same. Your last paragraph I could have written myself (if I were that good with words). Hang in there.
Kelly W recently posted..I am a ChristianMy Profile

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52
FrugalMamma October 21, 2011 at 11:27 pm

This is the first time I have ever read your blog (I was looking for something a little lighthearted to ease a few stressful days before I go to bed) and I was struck by your openess and vulnerability. I don’t think many people would admit to feelings so raw and deep, yet I bet a lot of people have them. The genuiness and the depth of your emotion came out of every sentence. I don’t even know you (or your blog) and yet I am deeply saddened for you. I know what you mean, where you know in your head that you will come out the other side strong, but for now it’s tough and it sucks and it’s hard to breathe. Keep your head up. It looks like you have lots of love from readers. I bet your funny will come back too.

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53
Christi November 13, 2011 at 6:21 am

Andy, I like FrugalMama am a sporatic and fairly recent visitor to your gem of a blog. Nothing has changed in that regard. It and you are still a gem. Gleaming even brighter than before, because you are in the tumbler that makes gems shiney and bright. In the proccess they get knocked, bumped and tossed around in chaos. But in the end, they are transformed into smooth beautiful stones that are unrecognizable from what they started out as in the thrashing and crashing proccess.
Don’t force the funny. It will run from you like the wind. Keep on doing what you are doing. Being honest, open and vulnerable. It is the only thing that works with writing. You know that. Your suport system here is amazing. Kudos to all the ladies.
I can’t tell you how many nights that I have wanted to die. Starting when I was about 9. I’m 52 and still here. The troughs are devastating. The good times are to be cherished. We all have different circumstances, but one thing is certain. Everything is temporary. Good and bad. The trick is to ride the wave and take breaths when it’s safe.
Remember, ” Comedy is Tragedy + Time. ” Take your time, dear. Take your time.

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54
Sandra October 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

I experienced something similar about three years ago. It is indeed a grieving process. The good memories become painful…time will help ease that. You will be in my thoughts. You will be ok.

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55
Dee October 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Andi, It’s not you. Repeat it like a mantra that will save not only your life but your childrens as well. I’m so glad you shared your struggle, its only when we are strong enough to share our own stories that we can find out how many others there are that have gone through the same thing as well as help other who believe they are alone. All my love and prayers are with you.

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56
mom taxi julie
Twitter: momtaxijulie
October 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Oh my gosh I’m so sorry πŸ™ I was just thinking of you this morning, I really enjoy reading your blog. I hope things just start climbing up for you!
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Michelle J October 22, 2011 at 8:22 pm

I’m so sorry! Sending you lots of {{{hugs}}}!
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Jennifer P October 23, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I’m so sorry you are going through this! My own divorce was pre children and I can’t imagine how hard this will be, but you will get through it and find peace at the end.

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Kathleen October 23, 2011 at 1:34 pm

You are an incredibly strong and gifted woman and you will come through this in the end. For now though, you have my support and {hug} because I know it sucks, for lack of a better word.
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Rebel Chick Jenn
Twitter: therebelchick
October 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Sigh. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I know that right now, it hurts and what is happening is horribly unfair, but in time you will be happy again. xo xo
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61
Marianna October 23, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I am so sorry that you and your girls have to go through this.
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62
Dee October 24, 2011 at 10:21 am

It’s not your fault it’s his. It doesn’t matter how good, pretty or whatever you are he’d still have the problem and would do and act the same way.
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Annie @ mama dweeb October 24, 2011 at 11:45 am

Wow Andrea. It took so much courage to write this. I am reaching out and hugging you right now. I am sitting here, hurting. My heart is wrenched as I read these words. How dare anyone hurt you like this? Especially the man you trusted and loved for so many years? I know you are strong, even though you feel the weakest and most vulnerable right now. I know you will rise from the ashes and kick life’s butt and find happiness again. I love you my friend!
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Elisa October 24, 2011 at 11:49 am

Hi,

You are only the second blog that I have ever read. I was struck by your integrity and honesty with respect to your situation. You are a strong person…..this I know from your blog…..remember there was life before him and there will be life after him.

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65
Toni @ A Daily Dose October 24, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I don’t know your whole story but I am so sorry for what you are going through. This post was such a heartfelt and courageous.
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Penelope October 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I’m so sorry πŸ™ There is not much left to be said. You need time, and everything you are going through is normal. Loss hurts. Even just losing who you thought someone was is extremely painful…it’s a loss just the same.
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67
Marybeth @ www.babygoodbuys.com
Twitter: Hamilton
October 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I wish I could see you in person, give you a hug and tell you everything’s going to be ok. Because it is. It might take a while, and it might not be the same “ok” you know right now, but you will be ok…better even, because you’re doing this.

I’m just so glad your daughters are seeing you for the strong, inspiring woman that you are. I can’t think of a worse example to set than to stay with your husband after everything. You’re teaching your daughters how to love and be loved, how to protect and be protected. You’re also teaching them the great divide between right and wrong.

Stay strong, woman! You’ll find your funny again someday.
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Kasandria Reasoner October 24, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Oh sweetie! I sooo wish I lived closer to give you a hug and some words of wisdom or just a shoulder to lean on. You are an amazing woman, mother, an dblogger. You WILL get through this.
Kas
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69
hairstyles for girls October 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

So sorry you’re going through a hard time right now. You are strong and will get through it! Wish I could give you a hug.
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70
Jessica
Twitter: mommies2cents
October 25, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I have no personal experience from which to draw words of wisdom to share with you. But I believe if you keep moving forward even though things are dark you’ll find yourself better and stronger on the other side.

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71
Phoem October 25, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Just wanna say too that my heart feels your discomfort. I am through a component of my existence that was similar to yours. My children as well, were what kept me heading. I lastly told myself I had to discover the fun and wonderful in the globe once more. Each day I made myself find one thing that made me smile or pleased. I called it My Beautiful. One day it was a red fall tree in the sunshine. 1 day it was a infant laughing, etc. Every night when I went to bed I attempted to recall my stunning. It’s silly and easy, but it made me concentrate on the reality that not every single factor in my existence was crap.
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72
mariele October 26, 2011 at 1:45 am

I read your blog because you are smart and funny and I love your sense of the absurd. And then I read this and it literally knocked the wind out of me… “no, not you and your family too.”

I wish this for you, that you have close friends who can comfort you, close family that is there for you, that you are strong for you and your children and know that as much as you hurt , they are bewildered and hurting even more, that you let them know it’s ok to be sad and it’s not their fault…not their fault, not your fault or his fault…it’s life and feelings and sometimes they hurt.

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73
Desiree D'Souza October 26, 2011 at 3:01 am

Dear Andy,

My heart and my thoughts go out to you. I read your blog pretty often, but rarely post a word or two. I wondered what was going on… but did not want to think the worst, but hoped and prayed all would be well with you. I wish I could give you and your girls a hug or help out in some way or another. It must be tough on the kids too and I’m sure you are doing your best to hold up the fort. I hope your mom and dad are fine and continue to lend you emotional support. I hope Oliver licks your tears aways and nuzzles close to you to remind you that he loves you.
I shall pray for you and your family.

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74
ghostfighter0506 October 26, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I am sitting here, hurting. My heart is wrenched as I read these words. How dare anyone hurt you like this? Especially the man you trusted and loved for so many years? | πŸ˜›
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Dee @ Cocktails with Mom October 27, 2011 at 9:34 am

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs and lots of comfort your day. Take one day at a time, it will get better over time and you will see that their is still funny left in you. Take care!
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Dawn C
Twitter: dawnsdailydiggs
October 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Nothing I say will take away the pain. So I will just say that I am sorry and give you a virtual hug! Hang in there and know that many people out there are sending thoughts and prayers your family’s way.
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newman143 October 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

I was struck by your openness and vulnerability. I don’t think many people would admit to feelings so raw and deep, yet I bet a lot of people have them.
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78
Isabella October 28, 2011 at 3:39 am

I know the hurt that you’re going through, i don’t know what to say. But prayers will do a lot of help. (((HUGS)))
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79
rebecca (mamabee) October 28, 2011 at 5:09 pm
80
Kathy
Twitter: amomsimpression
October 29, 2011 at 9:37 am

You are doing the right thing for you and your girls. Hang in there. I am so sorry for everything that has happened and I am here if you ever need a virtual hug!!!!
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Michelle J October 29, 2011 at 11:50 am

I wish I could give you some comfort. Sending you more hugs!
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82
Anne October 29, 2011 at 8:21 pm

I’m so sorry you are going through this, but you are doing what is best for your children.
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83
ohkeeka [The Type A Housewife]
Twitter: ohkeeka
October 30, 2011 at 10:46 am

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As the child of an alcoholic father, I can say that you are doing the right thing and your children will thank you for being strong enough to leave. My mom wasn’t as strong (in fact, she’s still with my dad–and miserable) and it impacted me and my brothers tremendously to live in such a chaotic environment. What you’re doing isn’t easy and I think you’re really courageous to take this step even though it means a lot of upheaval and heartache in the short term. In the long term, though, you will have a happier and healthier life and your children will benefit from it.
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84
FelipeG October 31, 2011 at 3:16 am

You can get through this! I’m sure of it! God will always help you cause you deserve it! Be strong my friend!
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85
Jenny October 31, 2011 at 10:04 am

I am so sorry you are going through this!
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hunterX0506 October 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm

I wondered what was going on… but did not want to think the worst, but hoped and prayed all would be well with you. I wish I could give you and your girls a hug or help out in some way or another. | πŸ˜›
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87
Sara
Twitter: IDoTheeWedSara
October 31, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine and hope you find the peace you need.
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Deb November 1, 2011 at 12:29 pm

hey, the last thing you need to worry about is being entertaining. And don’t just think you are getting through this because of the kids, sure there is that, but get through this for you too. Life throws us curves, how we respond is what makes us, well, us. And after reading your blog for quite some time now, I know you will make it through with courage, humor, and spirit. Just rememember who you are and don’t let what Nate is going through define you. I know there will be times you will get mired down. But push through and don’t dwell. Living well is the best revenge! And if it doesn’t come naturally fake it until it is natural. It will make you feel better, and confuse the hell out of people who expect you to fall apart. So worth it. We are all there for you.

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89
Alison November 2, 2011 at 8:39 pm

I think on the radio I heard this recently. It’s easier to deal with the loss of a dead one… it’s not the truth for the loss of a loved one that is still around. It’s true. They will be around, you will have to deal with them in one way or another… there is no finality to it.

But your awesome Andy. Your 2 girls love you. You have so many other people that love you. You’ll make it through this.

We’ll be here when the funny comes back! And we’ll cheer you along. πŸ™‚
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90
malunggay56 November 4, 2011 at 9:30 am

You are doing the right thing for you and your girls. Hang in there. I am so sorry for everything that has happened and I am here if you ever need a virtual hug!!!!
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91
Jeanine Peterson November 7, 2011 at 9:41 am

Andrea,

I’m so sorry… SELF PRESERVATION is your goal right now ! And you have what it takes to do it and survive. You are a BRILLIANT writer and I would only hope to be 10% as comical, down to earth, as REAL as you. Yes, Real hurts. Memories Hurt. But then they start to hurt less. Just one step in front of the other. And maybe some drugs along the way πŸ™‚
We’re here for you when you are ready ! (hugs)
Jeanine
http://icoulduseadeal.com/
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92
Janis November 8, 2011 at 9:36 am

i feel sorry you are going all through this, but let me share a short quote for you. “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
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93
Yumigee November 8, 2011 at 10:54 am

So sorry that your going through all this hardship.. Things will be better! I know it! Having a divorce is one of the most bitter feeling there is … πŸ™
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Rachel - Following In My Shoes November 9, 2011 at 1:10 am

πŸ™ Andy — you ARE strong and this IS a result of his choice and shortcomings and crap … NOT a reflection on you.

You’re beautiful and have beautiful girls. You will smile again.
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95
Aisheteru November 9, 2011 at 9:54 am

Be strong.. It’s is just part of life! There are always a sun after the rain..
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Ginger_79 November 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

My sanity spot was one of these little electric heaters, that blow out hot air. I grabbed a pillow nd lay in front of it for ages. The sound and the warm air rushing over me, was somehow soothing. It was my place, where I allowed all thoughts. The real ones, the silly ones, the angry ones, the bitter ones…just all of them, without feeling guilty of any.

I guess everyone has to find that spot. Hope you’ll figure out where yours is to get you through it.

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97
That Tech Chick
Twitter: jess_benton
November 9, 2011 at 8:09 pm

w-o-w

I suck at consoling people. But I can say i am sorry. Looks like you have a lot of support from the online world. Keep writing and finding your out that way. You will find that you are far stronger than you believe yourself to be.
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sandraw2580 November 11, 2011 at 3:14 am

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through all these pain. But you will make i through, I know in my heart that this will not stop you from being a great person that you are. God will help you through this..
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99
{Not Quite} Susie Homemaker November 13, 2011 at 2:57 am

My heart hurts for you but you’re doing the right thing. <3
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100
balimbing56 November 14, 2011 at 7:40 am

Life throws us curves, how we respond is what makes us, well, us. And after reading your blog for quite some time now, I know you will make it through with courage, humor, and spirit. Just remember who you are and don’t let what Nate is going through define you.
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101
superMan56 November 15, 2011 at 4:51 am

Looks like you have a lot of support from the online world. Keep writing and finding your out that way. You will find that you are far stronger than you believe yourself to be.
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102
Barbara Platt
Twitter: blp3
November 15, 2011 at 5:18 am

been there more than once and it was bad, but waited and let things work out by me just not speaking about it. Then when the time came and they were ready I let them back in and IT was not mentioned again.
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103
Belinda November 17, 2011 at 12:44 pm

This post makes me so sad for a couple of reasons. I just stumbled across your blog looking for a paper pinecone tutorial and had the best time that I have ever had, reading a paper crafting tutorial! So I decided that I needed to put your blog in my reader because i don’t read blogs much for entertainment but since I found myself entertained to tears, I couldn’t resist.
Your post was all too familiar and each word cut to my soul because I recognized the pain you are feeling all too well. It is a grieving process, and much like handling a death; whether you remain separated or not. I wish you well, and look forward to posts from you in the future.

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104
Belinda November 17, 2011 at 12:54 pm

On a side note, it was the relentless pursuit of nutella and anderson cooper that sent me searching for the rss feed. Two of my favorite things in the world!
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