Weekend regurgitation: I’m not throwing up anything today other than a heads

There are going to be a few changes coming to my blog and I figured I’d give you a heads up because personally, I think it’s only polite that when you invite friends into your home to shoot the shit, you warn them beforehand that while the shit might look different, it still smells the same. This way, your friends don’t wind up standing in the middle of your blog, freaking out and yelling WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OUR SHIT?

A few things to look out for:

• A new blog design. I haven’t yet won the lottery so I’m doing it myself. Again. Because apparently, I didn’t learn my lesson the first time around when I ate my frontal lobe and burped out a psychological meltdown. But this time, I’m being smart and ordering an extra 52 cases of Xanax and vodka, just as a precaution. I figured that way, if my blog explodes in my face and covers me in gelatinous goopy glops of HTML and CSS, I won’t care.

• A “store” of some sorts. And when I say “store” I don’t mean that I’ve hijacked Amazon and I’m holding it hostage on my blog although wouldn’t that be downright nifty? No, I mean that with my “Stuff I love” series, I will occasionally offer whatever it is that I love that day for sale right here on this blog as part of the new OpenSky e-commerce platform. Now, don’t expect a storefront with millions of generic items in it because my name is not Walmart. I will only offer very specific products that I love, based on personal experience. These items will not include my husband or children. Unless, of course, they continue to do this with toilet paper in which case, all bets are off.

• Also as part of my “Stuff I love” series, I may not offer an item for sale on my blog but I might provide an affiliate link to purchase the product elsewhere. Sometimes, I might even do this on a totally unrelated post, like if I’m talking about Skinny Cow ice cream or my latest putrid bladder infection or cold sore. Although I’m not quite sure what product I would link to when I’m peeing an ocean of fluorescent neon orange urine or playing hostess to a rancid leeching hemorrhoid on my face, unless Amazon starts carrying shiny new bladders and/or lips in which case, SIGN ME UP.

• Remember my UkuMi post from earlier this year? They’ve been working hard getting their ducks in a row so you might soon be seeing their newest generation of widgets around here. Here’s to hoping that they don’t run across any drunk ducks because it’s really hard to make those suckers stand still even when they’re sober.

• I have installed a new plugin in my comments section so now, if you want to specifically reply to someone’s comment, you can click the “reply to this comment” option located below each comment and not only will your reply be posted here but an email will be sent to the original commentator notifying him/her of your comment and giving them the opportunity to post their own response. I’m hoping that this type of interaction will foster great relationships amongst my readers. And as for me? Well, you guys know that my OCD tendencies dictate that if I respond to one comment, I must respond to all comments on all posts until the day I die or risk breaking out in an itchy rash all over my body. So up until now, I have avoided responding to comments and thusly, have not scratched all the flesh off my bones. But … I am going to try very hard to reign in my freaky weirdness and occasionally reply to some comments. Maybe someone will ask me how I made something or how I intend to handle Oliver’s increasingly obstinate bowels or how much I’d be willing to fork over for Anderson Cooper’s private cell phone number. Cortisone and skin grafts are on standby. And if they don’t do the job, there’s always the Xanax and vodka.

• My left kidney. Just in case you were wondering, Anderson.

That’s about it! Nothing too drastic, although dealing with any kind of change, for me anyway, is akin to puking up my soul. So I guess I did regurgitate something in this post after all.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

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