Weekend regurgitation: it’s almost the most wonderful time of the year

*RING*RING*RING*RING*RING*RING*RING*

Hear that?

That’s the sound of my ears ringing.

Are yours?

They should be.

Actually, all of our ears should not only be ringing, but also quivering with excitement.

Because tomorrow is going a big day for ears on this blog.

B*I*G

Here’s a hint: I’m going to be giving away an orgasm of sorts. And if you’ve been hanging around here for awhile, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

And who doesn’t love a free ‘gasm? Where all you have to do is lay there?

Lie there? Lay? Lie?

Who cares? It’s a free ‘gasm!

THAT’S THE BEST KIND.

So meet me here tomorrow and your whole body can quiver with excitement.

Until then, I leave you with my hit song With Twelve Days Left of Summer. Make sure you try to sing it to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas and fail miserably. And don’t forget to sing it off key or I’ll just think you’re showing off.

And yes, technically, we have eighteen more days until school starts but close your eyes and pretend you never saw me type that.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

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~ WITH TWELVE DAYS LEFT OF SUMMER ~

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With twelve days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

A dozen smelly, mildewy pool towels

and a one way ticket up a pear tree

With eleven days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Eleven “STOP IT, YOU’RE A BRAT, DON’T LOOK AT ME. MOOOOOOOM!”s

and a one way ticket up a big ass pear tree

With ten days days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Ten hours of crazy stupid

and a one way ticket up a really, really, really big ass pear tree

With nine days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Nine possibles for the stench emanating from the kitchen

and a one way ticket up a big ass. Oops, sorry. I mean, a big ass pear tree.

With eight days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Eight “I DID NOT! YOU DID! STOP LYING! I’M TELLING MOM! MOOOOOOOM”s

and a one way ticket up a big ass pear tree. With thorns.

With seven days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Seven reasons to run away

and a one way ticket up a big ass pear tree. With thorns. Surrounded by poison ivy.

With six days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Six hours of driving and driving and driving and then some more driving

and a one way ticket up the stupid pear tree that I swear to GOD is mocking me

With five days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

FIIIIIIIIIVE GOOOOOOLD-EN MIGRAINES

and a one way ticket up … you guessed it … the big ass pear tree

With four days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Four hours of peace and quiet interrupted by five hours of yelling

and a one way ticket up that goddamn pear tree that won’t die already

With three days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Three more summer reading assignments. Surprise! *Thud*

and a one way ticket up the &%$#@ pear tree

With two days left of summer, my two kids gave to me

Two tons of dirty clothes

and a one way ticket up … ugh, I can’t even say it anymore

On the last day of summer, my two kids gave to me

An apology and I love you’s

and a brand new, gift-wrapped with a bow and sealed with a kiss … ladder.

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~ The End ~

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