Before I announce the grand prize winner of the Harry Mason $100 shopping spree giveaway, I wanted to remind you that *EVERYONE* who entered the giveaway gets a $25 shopping spree with any $50 purchase at Harry Mason! Simply email Harry with a copy/paste of the comment you left in the giveaway post and he’ll take care of you. You can find the giveaway post HERE. Navigate through the comments to find yours – there are links for “next comments” and “previous comments” on the bottoms of the pages if you need to search through more than one page. When you find your comment, simply highlight the text of your comment, right click, choose copy, then paste it into an email and send it to harrymason@harrymason .com (delete any spaces, please!). Oh, and make sure you put “BIG O” in the subject line of your email so that Harry knows you’re not spam. Spam is slimy and smelly and I think it makes him vomit.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

See Harry’s animated over there in my sidebar? Under my photo? ———————>

If you click on it, it will bring you to a page on Harry’s website where you can grab a code for another $5 of your order. Yay! Merry Christmas 51 days late! Or 314 days early! Or Happy Valentine’s Day right on time! Whichever floats your boat.

By the way, as you scroll through the comments, you may notice that my comment numbering is, yet again, screwed up. OF COURSE IT IS. No matter how many times I’ve taught my blog to count, it refuses to cooperate out of sheer spite. After I write this, I’m going to take it into a back room and rip it a new one. I hope it can’t sit down for a damn week.

In the meantime, because of this numbering issue, I didn’t use random.org to choose a winner like I have with past giveaways. Instead, I used a plugin called “And the winner is …” which doesn’t care if your blog is a snotty jerkwad because it chooses a random comment, not a random comment number.

So, it’s still random which is good because if it were left up to me to choose a winner, we’d all be at the  mercy of my perimenopausal hormones and they just got finished crying at a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial so God only knows how long we’d be here.

Without further ado, the winning comment for this giveaway is …

Congratulations Kim! Email me at admin @ thecreativejunkie .  com (delete those spaces please!) to claim your prize! Once your ears are done showering you with kisses, that is.

Thanks so much to all of you for participating! I never get tired of saying it … I have *the* best readers in all of blogland.

And thank you, Harry Mason, for rocking our ears one more time.

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This is a giveaway which means I yammer on for awhile because my brain and fingers are incontinent and then I give something away to one lucky reader. The prize and the rules are explained at the end of this post. If you’d like to enter the giveaway, simply answer the question I ask in the “nits & grits” section below by leaving a comment in this post. To leave a comment in this post, click HERE which will bring you to the comment section. Scroll down and fill in the required fields at the bottom of that page and click “Submit.” You’re done!

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When I emailed Harry about this giveaway a couple of weeks ago, I had just come inside after shoveling 43 feet of snow off half my driveway and the reason I shoveled only half my driveway was because my lips had frozen together with snotcicles and when my lips are frozen together with snotsicles, no one can hear me repeatedly scream WINTER CAN BITE ME while I bend over to moon God and if I can’t make a spectacle of myself in my own neighborhood with a soundtrack, what’s the point?

Harry emailed me back with something like Aloha Andrea, blah blah blah, having a wonderful time, blah blah blah, wish you were here, blah blah blah, giveaway is on, love Harry and he sent me this:

And then I deduced that he was in Hawaii because I ARE SMART. Then I waited for the condensation to evaporate off my glasses before I emailed him back with something like You suck, Harry, blah blah blah, it’s negative 842 degrees here, blah blah blah, my cervix is frozen shut, blah blah blah, I have to go outside and defrost my garage door with my hair dryer now, love Andy and I sent him this:

And then he sent me this, which sheds a little light on the slightly whackadoodle-ish personality of his website, don’t you think?

And then I called in a few favors and ordered 43 feet of snow to be air dropped on Hawaii within the hour but guess what happens when no one owes you favors? Absolutely nothing and you still wind up outside on your hands and knees in subzero windchill, defrosting your garage door with a stupid temperamental hair dryer and yelling OH MY GOD, DON’T STOP, all while your favorite San Francisco jewelry designer and his beautiful wife are on their hands and knees on some romantic, exotic island in the Pacific and probably also yelling OH MY GOD, DON’T STOP but for entirely different reasons.

If you’re new around here, you don’t know the love that I have for Harry Mason and his earspirals. If you’ve been around here for awhile, your eyes are probably glazing over and you’re lapsing into a coma as I type.

WAKEY WAKEY!

Bring on the ear porn!

I like to call this Eargasm of Hearts. I’m lobbying to get the word “eargasm” included in next year’s Oxford English Dictionary and by lobbying, I mean I’m thinking really hard about possibly Googling “how the hell do I lobby something” before I eat lunch.

How perfect are these for Valentine’s Day?

If you are not familiar with earspirals, they function exactly like earrings except instead of having a clasp or some other mechanism by which to secure them to your ears, you simply twist these suckers in, following the curve of the spiral.

You might be tempted to look in a mirror when you put these on so you can see what you’re doing and if you’re one of those people whose left remains left and whose right remains right when you’re looking in a mirror, then go you! I happen to be one of those people whose mirror takes all sense of direction and shoves it into a Cuisinart until I wind up saying stuff like No no no! Forward! Wait! I mean, backward. Left! Left! That’s right! I mean, wrong! That’s wrong! What the hell, Andy? OH MY GOD, JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY to my reflection. Kind of how Nate sounds when he’s backseat driving from the passenger seat.

Eargasms come in all shapes and sizes. I like to call these Big Giant Danglegasms but only because I can’t think of anything else to call them.

One of the great benefits of earspirals is that they don’t fall out of your ears like traditional earrings. This means that if you happen to be eating dinner at your favorite restaurant, your left spiral won’t accidentally and unbeknownst to you, plummet into your potato bisque where it will languish until you unwittingly slurp it up without chewing because your teeth were too busy eviscerating your fourth piece of bread, and three days later, you won’t go to the bathroom and look down and holler HOT DAMN, I JUST SHIT GOLD! WE’RE RICH! GET ME SOME GLOVES!

Or it could be one day later, depending on how much fiber you’re getting in your diet.

These are Harry’s new Mystical Magical earspirals or, as I like to call them, MINE ALL MINE KEEP YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS OFF OF THEM.

And then we have the threads …

And the ear fancys …

And lookie lookie! A little neck nookie! Pendants, otherwise known as neckgasms. Because why should ears have all the fun?

Up for grabs:

One person will win a $100 shopping spree to Harry Mason Designer Jewelry, at his online shop or at his Pier 39 store in San Francisco!

How nice would some earspirals be for Valentine’s Day? So much better than flowers or chocolate or lingerie. They won’t make you fat or give you diabetes, they won’t wilt and die and no one will expect you to have sex while wearing them. Unless you want to, of course.

While you’re browsing all the beautiful goodness at Harry’s shop, don’t forget to use his wishlist feature. Comes in very handy for those of us born with the attention span of a chihuahua whacked out on meth.

*** SWEET JESUS IN BIRKENSTOCKS, GUESS WHAT? ***

Harry is offering *everyone* who enters this giveaway a $25 shopping spree with any $50 purchase. Everyone wins! After the grand prize winner is announced Monday on this blog, everyone who entered can simply email Harry at harrymason@harrymason . com (delete any spaces, please!) and include a copy/paste of the comment you left in this post. Make sure you put “BIG O” in the subject line so he knows you’re not spam. Last I heard, spam doesn’t need any eargasms because it has no ears.

The nits and grits:

• To enter, leave a comment in this post and tell me if/how you celebrate Valentine’s Day. Do you go out for dinner? Stay in and eat your weight in chocolate? Burn a sock puppet of your lover in effigy?
• One entry per person, please. Your comment might go into moderation if I leave my computer for a bit but as soon as I’m done going potty, it will show up. I promise!
• Anyone 18 or older can enter, even if you live in Timbuktu. You poor thing, you probably need a ‘gasm more than any of us, living way the hell out there.
• The winner will be chosen randomly and notified by email so make sure you leave a valid email address. The shopping spree expires thirty days from winner notification and the winner must confirm notification within 48 hours or I’ll have to choose an alternate. UGH. Just typing that gives me hives.
• If you have trouble setting limits **coughcoughlikemecoughcough** you can spend more than $100 and simply apply the $100 to your total due.
• No entries after 5:00 p.m. eastern time on Sunday, February 13, 2011 because that’s when I’ll be busy making my sock puppet trying to make something for dinner out of Fruity Pebbles and an onion.
• I’ll announce the winner on Monday, Valentine’s Day!

Good luck!

PS: Aloha from Harry

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I so appreciate all of your comments and emails and messages with regard to yesterday’s post. They reminded me once again that while the Internet is often times distant and detached, it can surprise you by getting up close and personal just when you need it to the most. Thank you so much for the warm fuzzies and squooshy hugs. They were just what I needed.

I’m putting on my big girl panties and dealing with whatever life sees fit to throw at me because that’s what mothers and wives and females in general do, right? We woman up. All hail the power of the hoo ha!

I want you to know that I’m perfectly aware that that sounded a lot better in my head than it does on my blog.

Moving on … tomorrow I’m having a giveaway and it directly concerns two specific parts of your body. Which ones, you ask? A few hints:

• They come in pairs.
• They are incredibly sensitive.
• They stick out from your body.
• They come in all shapes and sizes.
• Men seem inordinately drawn to them.
• One is usually bigger than the other.
• You can dangle stuff from them and even twirl them in different directions if you’re really talented.

Find out tomorrow, bright and early!

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