Hope springs eternal

Everything is kind of chaotic right now and I’m trying to clean up my house a bit because we’re hosting New Year’s and nothing is where it should be and everything is where it shouldn’t be and Helena doesn’t have a decent set of clean jammies for tonight and I’m not sure if my chocolate chip cheesecake squares are thoroughly cooked and I think I just ruined the finish on the top of my brand new George Foreman grill, the one my parents got us for Christmas, by trying to get one stupid gigantic sticker off it.

It wouldn’t peel up on its own and neither hot water, oil, peanut butter, WD-40 or even Un-Du would work. I had to use my fingernails to scrape it off one microscopic bit at a time, leaving a big splotch of gooey residue all over the top of it.

I could not get that goo off. I finally resorted to Soft Scrub and an SOS pad and a nylon scrubber pad, which did the job but only at the expense of my shiny, glossy finish, which is now a dull, scarred, shadow of its former self.

Kind of like me, whenever I remove makeup.

The grill still works great. It just looks like it’s quadrupled its age in one day.

Kind of like me, whenever.

In a few more hours, it will be 2009.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions anymore. I’ve decided to spread out my ridiculously high expectations throughout the entire year so that I can thoroughly enjoy each and every accompanying disappointment in all of its glory, rather than experience one general, massive, overwhelming, excruciating, cataclysmic disillusionment on January 5. This way, I won’t have 360 continuous days in which to ask myself Now what the hell do I do?

That’s not to say that I don’t have some hopes, however.

Because I do.


I hope my mom doesn’t yell at me for the grill fiasco.

I hope if I see a FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, ANDY! WHAT WOULD GEORGE SAY? LOVE MOM in my comments later today, that it was typed with rheumatoid-arthritis free fingers.

I hope my cholesterol goes down.

I hope I can lose a little weight so that my cholesterol goes down.

I hope I can stop eating everything in sight so that I can lose some weight so that my cholesterol goes down.

I hope someone wires my jaws shut.

I hope it doesn’t hurt.

I hope I continue to blog.

I hope I get better at it.

I hope my blog makes people smile.

I hope it makes them laugh.

I hope it makes them think.

I hope I can worry less.

I hope I can worry a lot less.

I hope I can enjoy more. A lot more.

I hope my kids don’t kill each other by screaming one another to death.

I hope I don’t scream myself to death.

I hope I don’t do anything to death. Except breath.

I hope no one I know, care about, like or love, dies.

I hope no one you know, care about, like or love, dies.

I hope the earth can handle the overpopulation if no one we know, care about, like or love, dies.

I hope I’m proactive instead of reactive.

I hope this country becomes proactive instead of reactive.

I hope our new President and his family like their new digs.

I hope our new President leads. In a good way.

I hope we all lead. In a good way.

I hope no one else loses his/her house.

I hope no one else loses his/her job.

I hope no one else loses his/her retirement.

I hope we can all stop losing stuff. Except weight. And blind ambition.

I hope this economy can get itself out of the CAN IT POSSIBLY SUCK ANYMORE vortex.

I hope our 401K’s and retirement funds return from wherever they are.

I hope all of us find some happiness and contentment.

I hope to see you all back here soon.


Stay safe.

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25 thoughts on “Hope springs eternal”

  1. Avatar

    “I hope I continue to blog.

    I hope I get better at it.

    I hope my blog makes people smile.

    I hope it makes them laugh.

    I hope it makes them think.”#

    You do this all so much, already!

    Love your list, so many bits made me laugh.

    I had to share them with dh. I told him I am reading THAT blog, you know, the one who blogged about buying underwear for her daughter….that’s how you are known in our house. I am sure your eldest daughter is very proud of the fact her jeans and underwear shopping trip is known about in Northern Ireland! …. the wonder of the blogsphere.

    See you next year!

  2. Avatar

    Heyyy, happy New Year, Andy! We’ve already flunked the “I hope nobody else loses their job” thing, but I hope we find another one in time to avoid weight loss by penury! And thanks for giving me lots of chuckles every time I read your words. I look forward to more.

  3. Avatar

    Happy New Years Eve!
    I am sooooo glad you blogged today. I got up this morning and did a few chores (ugh) and then got on the computer and saw that you hadn’t blogged yet, and I was like “What??? it’s New Years Eve and Andy didn’t blog?????? Ohmigosh, what do I do now?”

    But I figured you were busy, and it sounds like you’re going to have fun. And oh by the way, chocolate chip cheesecake squares?? Mmmmmmm I’m in heaven just thinking about it.

    Just FYI, your blog DOES make me smile, laugh (out loud!), and think, and I hope you get everything you hope for, except maybe wiring your jaw shut, cuz I understand that hurts.

    So Happy New Years to you and your family, and we’ll read you in the new year!

    Machelle in California

  4. Avatar

    Happy New Year from Australia!

    I too have no resolutions, any I have made always fall by the wayside by day 4 of the year. I just don’t need the added disappointment at not being able to follow through so this way anything I achieve for the year is a huge bonus 🙂

  5. Avatar

    Amen to that Sister! I am glad to finally see you today, well actually I saved you for last since you have now become my fave. I agree with your list whole heartedly!
    May you and yours have a very Happy, Healthy, Harmonious New Year!
    Enjoy tonight!

  6. Avatar

    You always make me laugh, and that’s good because you’re always in my head and say what I’m thiking.

    I started on the South Beach Diet this past Monday. Wanna join me on vacation? We’ll be the hottest women on the beach for sure. No skinny bitches walking around feeling inferior to us, no sir-ree!

  7. Avatar


    George will probably say “Andy you’re ahead of the game-mom’s face looks like the new finish on my grille AFTER she applies her make-up !!!

    (Even Estee Lauder admits its a lost cause)

  8. Avatar

    I don’t think you meant to do this but hand me a kleenex someone fast before my small run off of tears turns into a massive surging river of tears over this beautifully put new year’s statement. I don’t think I could have put that way.

    Andy your blog has always made me laugh..

    Now I feel better about my two kids fighting all the time.

  9. Avatar

    I hope I do a better job of spending more time with my kids and husbands.

    I also hope I can have more time by myself, in my office, by myself,no kids.

    I love them, I do.

    Happy New Year! I’m so glad I’ve met you.

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