Everything is kind of chaotic right now and I’m trying to clean up my house a bit because we’re hosting New Year’s and nothing is where it should be and everything is where it shouldn’t be and Helena doesn’t have a decent set of clean jammies for tonight and I’m not sure if my chocolate chip cheesecake squares are thoroughly cooked and I think I just ruined the finish on the top of my brand new George Foreman grill, the one my parents got us for Christmas, by trying to get one stupid gigantic sticker off it.
It wouldn’t peel up on its own and neither hot water, oil, peanut butter, WD-40 or even Un-Du would work. I had to use my fingernails to scrape it off one microscopic bit at a time, leaving a big splotch of gooey residue all over the top of it.
I could not get that goo off. I finally resorted to Soft Scrub and an SOS pad and a nylon scrubber pad, which did the job but only at the expense of my shiny, glossy finish, which is now a dull, scarred, shadow of its former self.
Kind of like me, whenever I remove makeup.
The grill still works great. It just looks like it’s quadrupled its age in one day.
Kind of like me, whenever.
In a few more hours, it will be 2009.
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions anymore. I’ve decided to spread out my ridiculously high expectations throughout the entire year so that I can thoroughly enjoy each and every accompanying disappointment in all of its glory, rather than experience one general, massive, overwhelming, excruciating, cataclysmic disillusionment on January 5. This way, I won’t have 360 continuous days in which to ask myself Now what the hell do I do?
That’s not to say that I don’t have some hopes, however.
Because I do.
I hope my mom doesn’t yell at me for the grill fiasco.
I hope if I see a FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, ANDY! WHAT WOULD GEORGE SAY? LOVE MOM in my comments later today, that it was typed with rheumatoid-arthritis free fingers.
I hope my cholesterol goes down.
I hope I can lose a little weight so that my cholesterol goes down.
I hope I can stop eating everything in sight so that I can lose some weight so that my cholesterol goes down.
I hope someone wires my jaws shut.
I hope it doesn’t hurt.
I hope I continue to blog.
I hope I get better at it.
I hope my blog makes people smile.
I hope it makes them laugh.
I hope it makes them think.
I hope I can worry less.
I hope I can worry a lot less.
I hope I can enjoy more. A lot more.
I hope my kids don’t kill each other by screaming one another to death.
I hope I don’t scream myself to death.
I hope I don’t do anything to death. Except breath.
I hope no one I know, care about, like or love, dies.
I hope no one you know, care about, like or love, dies.
I hope the earth can handle the overpopulation if no one we know, care about, like or love, dies.
I hope I’m proactive instead of reactive.
I hope this country becomes proactive instead of reactive.
I hope our new President and his family like their new digs.
I hope our new President leads. In a good way.
I hope we all lead. In a good way.
I hope no one else loses his/her house.
I hope no one else loses his/her job.
I hope no one else loses his/her retirement.
I hope we can all stop losing stuff. Except weight. And blind ambition.
I hope this economy can get itself out of the CAN IT POSSIBLY SUCK ANYMORE vortex.
I hope our 401K’s and retirement funds return from wherever they are.
I hope all of us find some happiness and contentment.
I hope to see you all back here soon.