I don’t have enough wherewithal to come up with a title for this post

My parents are in town which means by the time you read this, I’m probably (1) completely immersed in the inner workings of their brand new point and shoot camera which apparently holds photos hostage and I SIMPLY CANNOT FATHOM WHY, JEEE-SUS CHRRRR-IIII-SSSST, according to my mother; (2) knee deep in conspiracy theories as to why my twin brother Tino and I accidentally on purpose broke mom’s favorite crystal vase in 1972; (3) asking my mother why she insists on pronouncing vase as “vaws” and “aunt” as “awnt” because last I checked, we grew up in Hilton and there weren’t no such swanky accents in them thar parts; and (4) in a fetal position in the corner, sucking my thumb and re-evaluating my life.

This week is going to be a busy one, filled with lunches, self-doubt, yelling YOU TOLD THAT STORY FIVE MINUTES AGO, dinners, shopping, guilt, movies, playing “Where the Hell is Aunt VeVe?”, Scrabble marathons and figuring out new and exciting answers to “What exactly is going on with your hair?” and “So, are laundry baskets the new ‘in’ thing this year for interior design?” and my personal favorite, “Hey, did I ever tell you the story of how you broke my favorite crystal vaws in 1972?”

By the way, I’m having lunch with my mom today and I’m wearing this shirt.



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25 thoughts on “I don’t have enough wherewithal to come up with a title for this post”

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention My mother is in town and I don't have any spare wherewithal to title this post | --

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    WHERE did you get that shirt?!! I need one! I dont know how you can have family in that long, LOL. Three days is my max for ANY kind of visitor – but especially one who constantly reminds me of my faux pas of my childhood.

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    How is it we have the same mother? My mother LOVES saying FourYay for foyer and vuhLance for valance. WHY WHY WHY woman. You’re from Kansas you mess.

    Oh sorry, just had a flashback.

    Good luck!

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    My mom also says “awnt” and “vaws”. Those two are cut from the same mold apparently!

    I love that you’re wearing that t-shirt while lunching with your mom!!!!!

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    I’ll see you your awnt and raise you a woman who insists on ALWAYS pronouncing the names of people she knows (in some cases, dear, close family friends – or even family MEMBERS for that matter) incorrectly.

    For example, her BFF for a couple of decades had the last name Gentempo. Pronounced JENtempo. For over 30 years now, my mother insists on saying GEE-en-tee-empo, which, GRRR and ARGH.

    She also does this with other common words. That indoor tree in my dining room? A FI-CUH, not a FI-CUS. Chicken French, according to dear, old Mom? Chicken Frahn-CHAY. And so on. Woman lives to mispronounce things, and she knows damn well she’s doing it too – I can’t tell you how many times we’ve corrected her (like, say, on her BFF’s surname) over the years. She doesn’t care.

    Two more things: I’m free for lunch and/or Scrabble if you need a human shield, and can I please borrow that t-shirt for my next trip to Jersey? 😀

    Hang in there!

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    My 11 year old daughter actually owns this T-shirt, while she is with me! LOL. Hey I tend to agree I even bought it for her. We got it at JCPenny I think.

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    When did you break that vaws again? I think I missed that part LMAO. This sounds just like my family, minus my mom. My mom is the only normal one and my best friend, but the rest of them could drive a sane person crazy and honey, I left the sane station four kids ago. Good luck to you and I would love to see a picture of you with your mom and that shirt on. Too cute!

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    I SO need that shirt because my mom is batshit crazy…FO Real! I love coming here and reading your posts they always make me crack that devilsh smile and laugh that evil laugh.

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    Oh Andrea, I am so sorry. Your mom sounds just like my mom. At least my mom makes me laugh sometimes, and not just when she sneezes and wets her pants. I actually LIVE with my mom. Much cheaper than paid childcare.

    I started a new blog called Bad Date Stories. Check it out!

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    I definitely think you should take her running with you. That way when the old man shouts “looking good sweetheart”, you can tell your mom he’s meaning her. And then she can tell him all about how you broke her favorite “vaws” in 1972.

    I just hope he keeps the frank and beans under wraps. For your sake.

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