If hairy little vermin ever attack us, they are in for a world of hurt. And by world, I mean the really tiny, miniature kind where primordial dwarfs are considered giants.

We did not buy into the whole Zhu Zhu pet insanity known as Christmas 2009, when otherwise perfectly sane and rational adults ran all over town like lunatics while screaming OH MY GOD, IF MY KID DOESN’T GET A STUPID WIND UP TOY THAT LOOKS LIKE A HAMSTER STRUNG OUT ON METH AND IS PROBABLY MADE WITH TOXIC CRAP BY CHILD LABOR CAMPS SOMEWHERE IN CHINA, MY LIFE WILL SUCK FOREVER. By not buying into it, I mean that when all the stores started selling out of them and crazed people started hocking their own plasma to buy them off Ebay, I became proactive and by proactive, I mean that I took precautionary measures by hogtying Nate and throwing him down in the basement where, even if he McGyver’d himself a laptop out of our sump pump and some patio furniture, he still wouldn’t have any Internet access if and when his brain decided that Zhu Zhu pets were a distant relative of the Chia pet and hey, if he once paid $80 online for a Chia pet, he could most certainly do it for its kin.

Our house remained a Zhu Zhu free zone until last week when out of the blue, Helena asked Nate to take her shopping for one because she had $20 to spend and watching it get saved inside her piggy bank for her college education was boring boring OH MY GOSH, CAN WE PAINT SOMETHING AND WATCH IT DRY BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A LOT MORE FUN THAN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, MOM boring. This would be the same $20 she won from her father a couple of weeks ago when he bet her that she couldn’t eat an entire lemon wedge … rind, pith, pulp, seeds and all. I’m just grateful the bet wasn’t $100 over curried lamb brains or something equally as expensive and repulsive because quite honestly, they haven’t invented a bet yet that can be turned down by either Nate or his shorter, bespectacled, nine year old DNA imprint.

You are probably wondering why she didn’t ask me to take her shopping, right? Because I am the mom, after all, and shopping with my little girl is supposed to be one of the things that makes that wicked scar above my lady garden and the stretch marks on my boobs and ass all worth it, right? But if you were a nine year old and wanted to waste your hard-earned money on an ugly wind-up toy rodent that is not only too young for you, but that will only keep you entertained for all of 3.9 seconds before it winds up as the concubine of horny dust bunnies under the couch, who do you think would be most persuaded to drive you to the store and make it happen? The anal-retentive parent whose tongue swells up with hives at the mere thought of impractical spending and who recently complained about a $20 karate shirt and who refuses to pay $40 for ugly ass karate shorts because her kid can suck it up in ghee pants and an air conditioned dojo? Or the parent who can’t walk by The Sharper Image in the mall without coming home with a deluxe shiatsu massage chair, talking meat thermometer and miniature flying helicopter in his wallet?

The Zhu Zhu pet came home and, as predicted, Helena played with it for all of two minutes before abandoning it in favor of picking a scab off her leg and I slathered Benedryl all over my swollen tongue and stapled my lips together so as not to holler I TOLD YOU SO at the top of my lungs to anyone who will listen, which is no one.

Luckily for us, however, someone in this house has found value in the Zhu Zhu:





Share this post

27 thoughts on “If hairy little vermin ever attack us, they are in for a world of hurt. And by world, I mean the really tiny, miniature kind where primordial dwarfs are considered giants.”

  1. Avatar

    Awww…. poor little Ollie poo! That is too funny. One year for Christmas my mom bought this little remote controlled robot dog just to annoy our dog. It was great. I also have been known to use a Fur Real elephant to drive Jack crazy. If they weren’t so damn cute when they were all scared/annoyed/confused I wouldn’t be forced to do things like that…

    Also, how on earth is it possible that Oliver has gotten even cuter?!
    .-= Anne’s last blog post is here ..Whale Dog – Part One =-.

  2. Avatar

    *chuckles* That’s some braaaaaave dog you have there, Andy…

    (Oh, and “my lady garden”???? I about choked when I read that–that’s the funniest euphemism ever!!!)
    .-= Heather T.’s last blog post is here ..Published! =-.

  3. Avatar

    Totally worth the $20. What did you do before you had puppy entertainment? BTW, a dry mop is another source of constant entertainment for the 4-legged set.
    .-= Dorothy’s last blog post is here ..Nursing duties =-.

  4. Avatar

    ROFL! We didn’t do the big must-have Christmas present either, but then Michael asked for one, so the kids got them for Easter. He played with his longer than she did with hers, she got hers stuck in her hair when she forgot it was on the couch and accidentally laid down on it. Don’t think either kid has touched them for weeks now. At least they were only $8.
    .-= Mary Ann’s last blog post is here ..Happy Cache-iversary =-.

  5. Avatar

    As the mother of a newly minted 7 yr old, I was begged to drive a certain child with a wad of birthday cash to Target after school yesterday. We came home with The Happiest Child, Ever and a Littlest Pet Shop set in a box almost as big as the kid.

    We are also a zhuzhu pet free house, but I fear that will change following her bday party next weekend. She discovered them when half the first grade got them for the holidays and has been lusting after them ever since. I have heard her telling her friends that is what she wants for her bday, so we’ll probably wind up with a herd of them. Yeeha.

    OMG Oliver is HUGE!!!!!!!
    .-= Heather @ nobody-but-yourself’s last blog post is here ..Mostly Wordless Wednesday…Lucky Number Seven =-.

  6. Pingback: Tweets that mention How to play with a zhu zhu pet and get the most bang for your buck | --

  7. Avatar

    You are sooooooo right. My two daughters JUST HAD TO HAVE these. And so they spent their hard earned monies on some Zhu Zhu pets, and by hard earned I mean what the Tooth Fairy, Gramma and Daddy Warbucks who gave them money for picking up their dirty laundry and putting it into the hamper which surely warranted giving $5 even though they live here and wore those underwears.

    I’m just hoping they get caught in my girls’ hair so I have an excuse to throw them away because when your foot accidentally brushes against whatever new nest/clubhouse/resting place my kids have created in the dead of night, the last thing I want to hear and/or feel is the Zhu Zhu pet coming to life and chirping.

  8. Avatar

    My sister roped me into standing in line at Toys R Us as soon as the Thsnksgiving dishes were done to score a Zhu Zhu. We froze our tryptophan buzzes off watching movies on her laptop for hours. She still owes me! 😉

    .-= Tami’s last blog post is here ..Let’s kid around this summer! =-.

  9. Avatar

    Oh man, I was so happy that Hannah was too young to care about the current craze. And *fist bump* on the wicked scar above our lady gardens. haha!

  10. Avatar

    hahaha, we did the EXACT same thing! My DD’s best friend got one for her birthday last weekend and so my girls just HAS to spend their allowance on one too. They have been playing with them quite a bith though, makes for dangerous meal making though.
    .-= Lisa Dorsey’s last blog post is here ..Gift of Laughter =-.

  11. Avatar

    So Fab – and from your timer, we can see that Ollie played with it for way more than 2 mins…did he kill it????

  12. Avatar

    Good thing you have Oliver to rid your house of those nasty varmints! He has got to be the cutest puppy ever. Of course I am currently puppyless and if I did have a puppy he would be the cutest ever but Oliver would most certainly be the second cutest.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *