If we had an IKEA near us, you guys wouldn’t have all this uncertainty

If everything has gone according to plan, you will be reading this whilst I’m in my own bed, sleeping off our first road trip from our home in upstate New York to the IKEA in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I wrote this post before we left because I knew by Sunday, I’d probably be physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and quite possibly financially drained and in no condition to write anything other than possibly a suicide note. A short one at that.

If everything has not gone according to plan, you will be reading this while I am stuck on the side of the road somewhere in some Godforsaken little shit town, watching Nate read a map and fiddle with his GPS. I am most likely torn between the desire to holler at him for refusing YET AGAIN to ask for directions and the urge to skip the hollering entirely and jump to the part where I strangle him with the map and his own testicles.

I hope our trip was successful.

I hope Nate still has his testicles.

I hope Helena’s bedroom has new shelving to organize the 5,476 items that survived the GO CLEAN OUT YOUR ROOM, I BET YOUR FATHER $50 THAT YOU HAD CARPET IN THERE SOMEWHERE episode from two weeks ago.

I hope our kitchen has a new table. One that isn’t pitted, scratched, gouged, lopsided, decoupaged with magic marker or held together with a cement-like foreign substance which, upon closer inspection, might have been actual cheese at some point.

I hope our dining room has a table now. Maybe even some chairs. Chairs that don’t shriek and then immediately collapse at the sight of an impending fanny.

I hope our office has some new storage units that don’t look as if they were built by Dr. Seuss. And a new work station that won’t sag under the pressure of an irritated fifteen year old trying to block the view of her Facebook chat from her inquisitive nine year old sibling who can’t help but lean over her and yell I’M NOT READING IT! AM NOT. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHERE TO STAND. YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME seventeen times a minute.

I hope Nate and I agreed on everything and are still on speaking terms.

I hope my offspring behaved themselves and that I was not forced to commit spontaneous involuntary manslaughter on I90.

I hope we have money left over to pay our mortgage and maybe even eat.

I hope when I wake up, I’m a size six and all my laundry is done.

Have you ever been to IKEA?

What was your favorite purchase?

What’s the one thing you bought and now regret?

And most importantly, did you think their meatballs were everything they were cracked up to be?



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23 thoughts on “If we had an IKEA near us, you guys wouldn’t have all this uncertainty”

  1. Avatar

    My favorite Ikea purchases were the slide under bed/crib storage box that almost seems to glide when I bring it out to go through the next step of clothing for my son and the plastic plates that they have for children in different colors. Both items were inexpensive and that is my favorite part of Ikea…I take my time and more so love to dream about all the possiblities…they are ENDLESS!!! Also I love how they display all that you can do in such a small space…its fun to go through!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you have fun!!!

    oh btw I came across your blog from 2peas and I LOVE IT!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Avatar

    My favorite IKEA purchase was my entire room in college – bed, tv table, side cabinet, storage units, shelving, and one absolutely ginormous desk. I sold everything but the desk, because oh man it was beautiful. Then my father stole it and put it in his study. And I’m no where close enough, have not enough time or energy, and my brother has my truck, so I can’t go steal it back in the dark of night.
    .-= Libby’s last blog post is here ..Czeching out Prague =-.

  3. Avatar

    Andy, I live 10 minutes from the IKEA in South Philadelphia. I’ve been known to drop off a kid at Preschool, bust a move to IKEA, shop, and get back in time (2 hours) to pick up said child. We have a bottomless supply of the kids’ plastic plates/bowls/cups. Most of them are outside under the snow in the backyard, thanks to the 9, 7, and 3 year old children that I birthed.

    It is the most amazing place!! I hope you had a great experience. It’s overwhelming at first, but oh so much fun!

    Never had the meatballs, but the chicken caesar salad rocks! That dressing is awesome!
    .-= karen.jersey’s last blog post is here ..My daughters and my camera =-.

  4. Avatar

    I didn’t realize IKEA was that far away. Mine is only 90 minutes away but I never go because it is in the 7th circle of traffic hell and I have to go through the 5th and 6th circles to even get near it.

    We got a great sofa there about 15 years ago. I was not pleased with a throw rug I got there 6 years ago. It fell apart in less than a year
    .-= stacey@Havoc&Mayhem’s last blog post is here ..Weekly Winners =-.

  5. Avatar

    So very much of my home is furnished with IKEA….. our kitchen/dining room table and chairs, dining room hutch, bed, dresser and bureau in our bedroom, entertainment center, computer stands, we’ve owned couches and shelving units and on and on and on…….

    In short, I *big, red, puffy heart* IKEA. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that I am part Swedish. Seriously, when I found my birthmother and found out her mother was 100% Swedish, I was all “Aha!!! THAT explains my affinity for all things IKEA!” ๐Ÿ˜€

    Also, my big tip: Tell Nate to rig up a hex key to his cordless drill. Makes furniture assembly go *much* faster and leaves one with a much less cranky husband.

    I don’t think the meatballs are all that, though I usually succumb when I’m there. I am a fan of the IKEA lingonberries, though. Mmmmmm, lingonberries.
    .-= Heather @ nobody-but-yourself’s last blog post is here ..Mostly Wordless Wednesday: I love a parade =-.

  6. Avatar

    I’m less than an hour form IKEA, My kitchen is decked out ikea style, including the counters/cupboards and flooring.
    and I have been know to indulge in a meatball or 2….

  7. Avatar

    My coolness factor has plummeted to -4.7 because I’ve not yet had an Ikea experience. It’s going on my list. Right after 32. Find out if I’m a waterproof macara woman or not already and 33. Design brassieres for the heavily breasted folks.
    .-= Kearsie’s last blog post is here ..Keyboard Confessions =-.

  8. Avatar

    there is nothing that Ive bought from IKEA that Ive ever regretted. In fact, 90% of my house is from them. They make me happy ! My fav purchase is my hanging iron spice rack with the metal buckets. It looks so pretty no matter where I put it, and I can use it in any room. Customizable is awesome.

  9. Avatar

    I have heard that Colorado is suppose to be getting an IKEA, and I am really opening that they will start building it soon. I have already told my DH when it opens I am planning on getting a bookcase and many other items.

  10. Avatar

    “I hope Helenaโ€™s bedroom has new shelving to organize the 5,476 items that survived the GO CLEAN OUT YOUR ROOM, I BET YOUR FATHER $50 THAT YOU HAD CARPET IN THERE SOMEWHERE episode from two weeks ago.”

    You’ll have to let me know how that works out for you. Because my dd has 5,477 items and I’m about to take her out.

    Just sayin’.
    .-= Heidi’s last blog post is here ..Sledding! A first for my Arizona babies! =-.

  11. Avatar

    I *HEART* IKEA! i have one close by, but because i don’t drive, i can still pay our rent and feed the kids. That all changes this summer. My husband will know if i am no where to be found and the kids are left here, most likely i will be found at the bookstore or ikea.

    My favourite purchase, is pretty much everything i have from there.
    I paid $15 for my desk. i have these neat little shelf above my desk holding my background stamps. Love my red mini chest of drawers. The bed i got my daughter for $70, kids hooded towels. Just everything.

  12. Avatar

    Oh my goodness, this post was laugh-out-loud funny!! Love it!! I linked here from a thread at 2Peas and I’m bookmarking you – I’ll definitely be back!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I live between TWO Ikeas – 20 minute drive in either direction. I’m in Vancouver, Canada and there is an Ikea in Coquitlam to the East and Richmond to the South! I’ve always just taken Ikea for granted, and now I feel somewhat ashamed about that…I had no idea that there are places in the civilized world where Ikea is NOT a daily cheap dinner option…the meatballs are okay, BTW! ๐Ÿ™‚
    .-= Jillian’s last blog post is here ..Share The Love Sunday – Inaugural Post… =-.

  13. Avatar

    I have to admit, we go for the meatballs. But I can certainly live without the marathon showroom walk of “Ohhhhhhh’s Ahhhhhh’s” (-:

    I get sucked up in it every time.

    Typing from an IKEA desk

    Here from SITS but I’ll definitely be back sister! (-:

  14. Avatar

    I also heart IKEA – it’s about an hour and a half drive to the closest one for me – the one in Burlington. I’m actually thinking about going this weekend. My favourite purchases are always the small ones – the cheese grater, the plastic bag holder…I’m a big fan of their wrapping paper too, I always stock up when I go!
    .-= ashlie’s last blog post is here ..Award! =-.

  15. Avatar

    Oh good Lord, IKEA is like, the most AMAZING place EVER. <3 I've been to the one in Pittsburgh a few times (my hometown is Erie, PA, which you surely passed through on your way from NY to Pittsburgh). When I moved to Nashville a few years ago, I was so bummed to find out the closest IKEA here is in ATLANTA. UGH!!!! I'm moving back to Erie in a few months and one of the things I'm most excited about is that there's an IKEA just 2-hours away!

    Hope you found everything you wanted/needed!! (Also, hope you brought a BIG truck with you!)
    .-= Mandi's last blog post is here ..My (Furry) Family =-.

  16. Avatar

    I hope everyone survived the trip. The closest I’ve come to an IKEA is seeing the sign as we drove down I-270 (I think) around D.C. when we had to drive my husband the 4 hours down there to catch a plane out of Dulles. The closest store to us is in Philly, and frankly with my kids, not worth the trip.
    .-= Amanda’s last blog post is here ..What I Do When I Canโ€™t Sleep =-.

  17. Avatar

    Alas, we don’t have one here. I hear about it all the time. I think the closest is in Chicago, but I don’t know if it would be worththat long of a drive.

  18. Avatar

    Can’t choose a single IKEA item over another – that would be like having to choose which of my kids I love most!

    Love them all, love the fact that there is now one of Europe’s largest Ikea’s is now 20 minutes from me in Belfast – but I would not mention that to you, as that would be gloating.

    I confess I do love the meatballs, but I adore the DAIM mini bars (also know as Dime Bars).

    Hope you all survived the trip intact!
    .-= janmary, n ireland’s last blog post is here ..Taste Test – Organic Chocolate – a tough job, but someone has to do it! =-.

  19. Avatar

    We have an Ikea about 30 – 40 min. from us, depending on the traffic. My favorite Ikea piece will be the tv stand we will soon go to get. I’m sooo tired of the crap that the tv sits on now. Love a chest I have from there but most of all love their directions for assembly – so easy to follow and nothing that my husband won’t read anyway.

    I can take or leave the meatballs – will have to try the caesar salad.

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