My legs are in a coma and I’m wearing vegetables while looking at full frontal nudity

I was all set to blog the third and final installment of my Weight Watchers journey where I was going to discuss the benefits of exercise with as little profanity as possible but shit on a stick, guess the hell what, everyone?

I’ve got shin splints. As in, razor sharp, jagged splinters soaked in sulfuric acid. IN MY FREAKING SHINS.

I can’t, in good conscience, talk positively about the benefits of exercise while sitting here with bags of frozen peas on my shins because (1)  there are no benefits of exercise when you are a moron who doesn’t stretch beforehand and afterward, unless you call having your shins morph into butcher knives and commit suicide by repeatedly stabbing themselves a benefit; (2)  it’s surprisingly hard to type while balancing frozen veggies on my legs; and (3) you probably couldn’t hear me anyway over the shrieks of pain flying out of my mouth.

So I’ll save my exercise post for later, when I don’t feel so homicidal. In the meantime, I’d like to share with you a view I frequently get to enjoy from my office chair.

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have already seen one of these photos, and if you don’t, SEE WHAT YOU’RE MISSING?

This is how Oliver sleeps 99% of the time. Kind of like Nate, except furrier. And Nate doesn’t have a modesty patch. Oliver has one here because I didn’t want to accidentally offend your sensibilities. Why do that when it’s so much more fun to do that kind of stuff on purpose?

I’m considering permanently affixing a modesty patch to Oliver’s business so that we can distinguish him from the carpet and lessen the very real potential of sucking him up in our Dyson. Can you imagine? I mean, do you have any idea how much that Dyson cost us?



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15 thoughts on “My legs are in a coma and I’m wearing vegetables while looking at full frontal nudity”

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    omg.. he’s adorable andy!! LOL! i HAVE to get glasses! at first i had NO clue why on earth you put a paw print on him!! :p THEN at first i swear i thought he was a “skin”..LOL!! omg jack sleeps this way too a lot. i’d need a MUCH bigger paw print to cover his boy! Sorry bout the shin splints…that SUCKS and is precisely why i take care never to move too often 😉 get better!

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    OMG! Thanks so much for cheering up my morning. You have created so many hysterical images in my head!! I swear that is the cutest “modesty patch” I have ever seen!!

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    Oooh, I’m so sorry about your shins. Ouchie.

    But I think I know why Oliver sleeps like that all the time. It’s because that way the hair falls out of his eyes, and he can actually SEE something. Don’t think I didn’t notice the look of terror in that last pic–either it was the peas, or another one of those modesty stamps approaching his privates…

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    Seems like we think we are on track with our health,and something else happens! I am recovering frrom an injections in my ankles to help with arthritis pain! My feet ankles and legs have been so swollen for over a monthI am sick of resting,icing,keeping them elevated I could scream! Also all the different drs and tests I had to have were over $1000 dollars! I guess the joy of turing 65 this year! Yikes I am getting OLD!!!!! If it wasn’t for my grandkids and my precious grandog Oliver I don’t know how I would handle it! Just had our 46 Anniversary on Fathers Day! Hang in there!

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    Oliver is one of the cutest furbabies I have ever seen. If you want to see our furbaby in a similar nudie type position, check out my blog! Fortunately we have a girl….

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    Too cute…and I love the modesty patch! My hubby–like Nate–doesn’t have a modesty patch either, but he usually sleeps on his side and burrowed in a blanket. And, now that our little boy climbs in bed with us most nights, he (my hubby) has bregrudingly learned to don pants every night! lol

    Thanks for the giggle this afternoon!

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