Next time we’ll drive three miles to PetSmart and shell out $20

Two months ago, we packed up our Durango full of gas and offspring and drove to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for the purpose of furnishing a good portion of our house via IKEA and endured …

  • 4 hours of driving at warp speed one way, courtesy of Nate’s latent NASCAR tendencies
  • A few wrong turns
  • Cussing
  • A rousing rendition of STOP IT! NO, YOU STOP IT! YOU’RE SUCH A BUTT! YOU’RE A BIGGER BUTT! MOM, SHE SAID BUTT across two states that seemed to grow exponentially bigger with each decibel
  • 5+ hours inside IKEA browsing, measuring, calculating, list making, kid tracking, number crunching, brainstorming and Swedish meatball eating
  • 1+ hour in the IKEA parking lot, measuring the dimensions of the Durango and all possible configurations of potential purchases
  • 1+ hour of roaming charges to research the pros and cons of U-Haul rates vs minivan rentals
  • Cussing
  • A bed so lumpy I thought we were sleeping on my mashed potatoes
  • Cussing
  • A brand new day to drive all over creation in search of an airport to rent a minivan at Hertz
  • A few wrong turns
  • Lots of staring up at the sky and dutifully reporting “No, Nate. There are no planes landing or taking off anywhere. There are no planes, period. Yes, I’m looking at the sky. Where else would I be looking? In the trunk? Wait. Wait! Yes!! I see one! Yay! I see one! Oh! Wait … it’s a …
  • *SPLAT*
  • … bird. Sorry!”
  • Cussing
  • Déjà vu
  • Another 4+ hours inside IKEA buying, measuring, buying some more, rationalizing, measuring some more, convincing, talking me down from the ledge, negotiating, more convincing, talking me down from 23 more ledges and more buying
  • 1+ hours in IKEA parking lot, loading up the Durango and the minivan
  • 4 hours of driving at warp speed the other way
  • A rousing rendition of STOP IT! NO, YOU STOP IT! YOU’RE SUCH A BUTT! YOU’RE A BIGGER BUTT! MOM, SHE SAID BUTT across the same two big ass states
  • Lots of cussing
  • Déjà vu all over the place
  • The incident
  • A very scary attendant a la “squeal piggy, squeal meets ZZ Top” at a very scary gas station in the dead of night
  • Several hours worth of assembly of IKEA furniture
  • More cussing

Little did we know that what we were really doing was buying a bed for Oliver.



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29 thoughts on “Next time we’ll drive three miles to PetSmart and shell out $20”

  1. Avatar

    I remember this post from before. It exhausted me even more reading it today. And I’m with ya! IKEA, no matter how close or far, is a complete time eater. I don’t think I’ve gone there w/ my husband w/o having an argument and wandering around lost for an hour.
    .-= Mads Mom’s last blog post is here ..Day 20, I feel a theme coming on! =-.

  2. Avatar

    But as the ad says “He’s worth it!” He is, isn’t he?

    We never did get to see all the Ikea purchases, did we? Or did I miss that post.

    Maybe it is mostly still in those flat packs with those confusing drawings – usually with a wee man scratching his head while reading the instructions and then having a light bulb moment ….. which is just a lie as we know men NEVER read the instructions!
    .-= janmary, n ireland’s last blog post is here ..Photos from Ballintoy, N Ireland =-.

  3. Avatar

    Wow what an adventure… I’m sure the puppy likes his new shelf and I’m sure the kids like the empty boxes or at least mine do. LOL

    Elisa K

  4. Avatar

    That is a lot of drama for just an IKEA, but I have to say I’m envious! I still haven’t been to real live IKEA store.

    P.S. I’m sorry I missed CLC AGAIN> Gymnastics run long, but it’s supposed to let out on time so hopefully I’ll make it this upcoming week.

    P.S.S. I finally remembered to subscribe to your blog yahoo!
    .-= Kasandria’s last blog post is here ..Dig into Earth Day with Sprout and dirtgirlworld =-.

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