No regurgitation today. Instead, just say NO to skull fractures in ugly ass houses!

As a blogger, my inbox is routinely inundated with emails me asking me to use my blog to (1) buy something; (2) promote something; (3) give away something; or (4) find out why the hell my brother hasn’t gotten married yet for shit’s sake, what in God’s name is going on? Is he trying to kill me? WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?

Guess which ones come from my mother?

As for the others, I typically decline a majority of them because … well? To be honest, the offers just don’t interest me and if I’m not interested, I just can’t fake enthusiasm. This applies to all offers of roach spray, dehydrated fruit and sex at 3:30 a.m.

Guess which ones come from my husband?

An email that has a better chance of grabbing my attention is a request for promotion by a small business. I used to own one of those myself and I know first hand how hard it is to get your product “out there” without forking over at least one arm and one leg and leaving yourself all lopsided. It’s really hard to promote your business when everyone thinks you’re a drunk because you’re constantly tipping over.

Last week, I received an email from Bill Maguire, owner of Jamboo Creations, a small company in the business of child proofing homes without implementing the Butt Ugly theory of design. And I figured, hey … helping a small mom and pop business, promoting style and curbing blunt force trauma to little human beings’ heads? All at the same time? Sign me up! Because if this doesn’t get Anderson Cooper to sleep with me, nothing will.

Jamboo Creations is the maker of HearthSoft™ which is exactly what it sounds like … a soft cover for your hearth. I remember sixteen years ago when my eldest was a baby, I gave my OCD tendencies free reign to childproof every single room in our house and I spent many an afternoon duct taping pillows and couch cushions and rolls of toilet paper and the like to anything in our house that had corners. And Dave, my husband at the time, was all “Ummm, where is our mattress?” and I was all “It’s stuck to the fireplace.” And he was all “Where am I supposed to sleep?” And I was all “On the floor. Safe and sound in the knowledge that our baby will not bleed out from a gaping head wound. YOU’RE WELCOME.”

Jamboo Creations is offering a 10% discount to my readers – simply enter the code CJ10 when you purchase online. You can read about how Gina and Bill came up with the name Jamboo Creations here. And to those of you about to hit “send” on an email addressed to me, asking me to promote a 2 for 1 sale on coyote urine: calling your child by the name of one of the characters from the movie Monsters Inc., like Boo or Sulley or even Fungus or Bile, makes your email float directly to the top of my inbox for the coolness factor alone. Just a heads up.

Happy Sunday, everyone!



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20 thoughts on “No regurgitation today. Instead, just say NO to skull fractures in ugly ass houses!”

  1. Avatar

    Man, I wish they had those 14 years ago. When my son was a baby my hubby duct taped a remnant of carpet from our living room onto our hearth. Actually it did not look that bad, but these look so much better. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Avatar

    Cool product. We don’t have a fireplace, but grew up in a house with 3… it isn’t just toddlers that whack their noggins on the dang fireplace. I can’t count how many times battles between my brother and I ended abruptly when one of us bonked into the hearth.

  4. Avatar

    Those are cool. We don’t have a fireplace, but we have visited houses with them, and I swear the have magnets that draw the heads of children of all ages.

    Oh, and the dehydrated fruit offer comes from your husband LOL. That Target post was right up there with the Chia Pets.

  5. Avatar

    Happy Sunday to you! These aren’t fugly at all. It’s about time! We used to keep a big plastic white gate around our fireplace when Max was young. Looked swell…not!

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    I could totally use one of those. For now, we usually keep one of our two couches in front of our fireplace so our son doesn’t try to mess with the fireplace (or our cat).

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  8. Avatar

    Okay few things.

    1. I love your mom. I’ll be this way when my kids are grown.

    2. Honey Anderson Cooper is gay. So not much of anything will get him to sleep with you.

    3. These are awesome. I love them.

  9. Avatar

    What a great idea! When I see a fireplace in a home, I always think about safety. When we were looking around for a house to buy, I didn’t want one with a fireplace, because all I could imagine was one of my kids falling and cracking open his/her skull.

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    Yes Anderson Cooper is a sad waste of a good looking man! I love his freakin hair. I love the fireplace padding too its very stylish and not butt ugly compared to products of the past!

  11. Avatar

    I actually could send you a picture of my now 11 year old dd with a scar on her forhead from falling into the fireplace when she was about 3! Horrible experience for all of us. I guess I didn’t have any of those OCD tendencies, too bad I didn’t!

  12. Avatar

    Ok, so my comment ended up on the wrong post, sheesh, anyways, I was reading this post and I was cracking up! But what a great small company you found.

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