Short and sweet, part two

Remember my short and sweet post from yesterday?

I’m extending that philosophy to today’s post as well because my head and my back hate my guts right now and are staging a mutiny. My innards are in utter chaos. I think it’s because I stressed them all out by spending the entire weekend hosting a garage sale at my former mother-in-law’s house and dealing with people who:

  • want to buy $875 worth of stuff for 25ยข
  • think that “sale starts at 9:00 a.m.” means DOORBUSTERS AT DAWN
  • think that “sale ends at 3:00 p.m., means HEY, CAN WE STAY FOR DINNER?
  • don’t want what I’m selling
  • want what I’m not selling
  • don’t know what they want, but hey, can they use our bathroom while they mull it over?
  • smell

Seriously, where do these people come from? Can’t they be quarantined or something?

I’m going to leave you with a funny from my bloggy friend Deb Wisker. She tries to be all grown up and mature on her blog but she’s not fooling me. Anyone who sends me jokes about blow jobs and erections and boobs, complete with visual aids, cannot be taken too seriously. Ifย  Deb and I ever meet in real life, I will piddle in my undies. And if she ever takes me off her email list, I will still piddle in my undies but not in a good way.

Enjoy:

.

The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Woman blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

.

.

Share this post

25 thoughts on “Short and sweet, part two”

  1. I think my garage sale “guests” stopped by your sale. I agree with every single stinking (literally) example that you gave. And yeah, I’m still a bit pissed about some of the ruder ones.

  2. I.don’t.do.garage.sales.

    I mean, at one time in my penny-pinchin’ life, I did. But then I had encounters like yours this past weekend.

    I tell myself I ‘make’ more just donating and taking the tax deduction.

    But maybe I’m just weak.

    That’s it…garage sales are for the strong.

    You are the Mother Theresa of Garage Sales. Or something like that.

    Blessings!

  3. Least you HAD people come to your garage sale! We did one last year and I sold a cracked flower pot for 1$..that was IT! Hey I’ll even take the stinky, wantin’ to use my bathroom people as long as they’ll take the years of junk we’ve accumulated! LOL

    ummm… thanks a lot btw! Now I HAVE to check Jim’s thumb! I’ve never heard that one before! rotflol!!

  4. We’ve started giving everything to charity and writing it off. I’m so over garage sales.

    Loved the list and joke at the end. Thanks for the laughs, as usual…

  5. LOL Good luck with your garage sale, I know what you mean.
    LMAO at Deb, go girl TYVM for the wonderful funny!!!
    Happy Scrapin’ Kat

  6. I totally love that! The first thing I did after reading this was to ask my hubby, “Hey, let me see your thumb for a minute”. LOL!!! I have to say that the whole theory is pretty accurate. Now I’m gonna be staring at all men’s thumbs from now on….gotta get my mind out of the gutter, I know.

  7. where’s my ruler? It’s gotta be 5 times the length….

    We always succeed with garage sales by HUGH Signs and a willingness to tolerate. A lot.

    Stan at Scrappers Workshop

  8. That’s a lot of useless facts to get stuck in my head and float around. Funny though. I wonder how many women checked their husband’s thumbs?

  9. I hope your garage sale went well. I dont do them anymore because of those exact same reasons! Love your friend’s humor-birds of feather as they say. You two are funny peeps!

  10. Garage sales scare me. I’m always baffled when people show up early too. It’s like, hello, do you still see me setting up? It’s why I specified a time so I’d be READY. Ugh.

    And going to garage sales are an adventure too. Most of the time people are selling complete and utter crap. This one guy was trying to sell a pot with NO bottom for $5! I kid you not. Someone questioned him about it and he was all, “You can make your own bottom, right? The rest of the pot is still good..” I left soon after that.

  11. You list a few of the many reasons why I refuse to do yard/garage sales. And I’m not fond of going to them either. ::::shudder::::: You are a better woman than I.

  12. FWIW, you’d be incontinent of bladder and bowel if we ever met.
    Thanks for the shout out! I was wondering why I got so many hits on my blog the other day!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *