Is eargasm even a word? It should be.

OK – I didn’t make an actual spread sheet or anything because I didn’t have time to be totally anal retentive, but I think it’s safe to say that the vast majority of the responses to the giveaway question of “What would you love to see on your body?” fell into the following three categories:

  1. Less of it, especially if it’s covered by a stretch mark
  2. Boobs that defy gravity
  3. George Clooney, with Johnny Depp coming in as a close second

To all of you who fell into category 1 above? I hear you. I so hear you. I’m lobbying The Big Guy to start including Photoshop in our DNA so we can liposuction at will. Look for a petition coming your way.

To those of you who fell into category 2:  Me too. And every Christmas morning when I peek into my stocking, I’m disappointed. Santa, what’s it going to take, for crying out loud?

And finally, to those of you who fell into category 3:  HANDS OFF. I called dibs on George Clooney way back when he was guest starring on The Facts of Life and then Roseanne. And just so you know, Anderson Cooper is totally cool with it and doesn’t mind sharing me. Seriously guys, don’t make me pee on Anderson and George to mark my territory. Again. I can’t come home with another restraining order. I just can’t.

There were 235 entries as of 5:00 p.m., eastern time yesterday. I asked to spit out a random number between 1 and 235 inclusive and here’s what it spewed forth:



And the corresponding comment and winner is:



Congratulations, Melinda! Contact me at to claim your eargasm! Oh, and hey … Melinda? I read your comment and came up with an idea. Why don’t we team up and send our plethora of mammary to those in need together? With the money we save on postage, maybe we could send a care package to the mailman while he recuperates from his hernia. Let me know your thoughts.

Thanks so much for participating in this giveaway, everyone! If I can convince Harry to do another, you’ll be the first to know. Actually, I will. But let’s not quibble.

I think I have the best blog readers! If you guys were wedgies, I’d totally pick you.



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12 thoughts on “Is eargasm even a word? It should be.”

  1. Avatar

    Just found your blog today – but I can tell it’s going to be a favorite. I hope you ladies are always this funny!

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  3. Avatar

    I am not even reading your post. Just commenting.

    Eargasm. I get one after every shower. I never know which ear but it takes place in one or the other everytime I get out of the shower and use a cottonswab on my wet ear. but not both ears, only one. Am I the only?

  4. Avatar

    For the past 11 internetless days, I’ve convinced myself that I would come home to find that I’d won this contest. Convinced myself that you’d let me be surprised on my first morning home as I raced here to your blog to learn the joyous news.

    Instead, all I’ve discovered this morning is a cat litter box in dire need of cleaning, a few strategically placed hairballs, a mountain of mail and an even larger mountain of dirty laundry lurking inside the suitcases. Oh, and an empty fridge, which I guess will match my empty earlobes.


    How about you make it up to me by going to lunch next week? 😀

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