Stuff you didn’t know you needed to know …

I’d like to express my gratitude to all of you who commented on my last post, letting me know where you stand/sit/hover on the comment issue. It was so refreshing to ask a question and get a response that didn’t consist of

  1. Dunno
  2. It wasn’t me, I swear
  3. What? I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE TV

So, thank you very much for your time and effort! It’s nice to know that I’m not completely screwing up my blog and that everyone has their own opinion and ways of doing things and that there really is no one right way, just lots of different ways. Wouldn’t it be nice if this translated flawlessly into the real world? Maybe then, Nate wouldn’t have a seizure any time I pick up a paint can and a roller.

I was doing some housecleaning on my hard drive because I was trying to find any excuse possible to avoid doing some housecleaning on my house, and it worked amazingly well. My hard drive is neat and orderly while my house is currently suffocating under two stories of dust, laundry, crap and misplaced priorities.

During my cleaning streak, I stumbled across this questionnaire meme which I found kind of amusing. I can’t remember where I got it though, so if anyone recalls having seen it before, clue me in? And while I’m at it, I can’t remember where I left my mind so if anyone has seen that hanging about somewhere, please tell it to come home because its mommy misses it.

Here we go:

Would you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your husband?

We’re all adults, aren’t we? I’m sure I’d be pretty upset but we’d hash it out for a few hours and then probably go for drinks afterwards. But no food because without her teeth, she’d have an awful hard time chewing. Actually, without her tongue, she probably couldn’t swallow anything. Maybe we’d skip the drinks entirely and just go the hospital to visit Nate. Could someone direct me to the Lorena Bobbit Wing at Strong Memorial? Thank you!

Where were you last week?

You’re kidding, right? I can’t remember where I was two paragraphs ago. Last week? Please.

Have you ever seen a live bat?

Years ago, I was on our deck, cranking open our umbrella which was bolted through the middle of our patio table. The umbrella was just about 1/3 of the way open when all of a sudden, this black thing dropped from overhead, bonked me on the head and plopped onto the table, unconscious. It only took me twenty minutes of jumping up and down, hysterically shrieking at the top of my lungs, before I calmed down. Well, that, and two hours of showering with bleach. All in all, I was pretty proud of myself.

Do you like Big Macs?

No.

Now, if you ask whether I love Big Macs, that’s another matter entirely.

I’d have to take the fifth on that.

Along with twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun.

Supersize, please.

To go.

Do you like the color orange?

Love it! But when I pee that color? Not so much.

Would you rather not eat or not sleep?

Considering that I’ve had a total of four hours of sleep in the past nine years courtesy of the deafening ROAR OF THE SNORE from the other side of the bed, I’d rather go without sleep because I’m used to it. I can go without sleep in my sleep. If I slept, that is. Which I don’t.

Have you ever seen a real redneck?

As opposed to a fake one? I grew up in Hilton. Enough said.

Are you single?

Depends. Are you George Clooney or Anderson Cooper?

Do you like tattoos?

As long as they’re not on anyone who can thank me for their belly button.

How long do you use the phone daily?

Depends on whether my mother has called me to ascertain whether she’s reached my cell phone or my land line. If she hasn’t, then about five minutes. If she has, then about an eternity, give or take a millennium or two.

Do you like snakes?

Do you like getting a colonoscopy with a power drill? Same answer.

.

And on that note, I’m out of here. Once again, thank you all for your input the other day! You guys gave me the warm fuzzies. I’m going to show your comments to my family as proof that, contrary to public opinion running rampant in my house, when I open my mouth, sound actually does come out and people actually hear me.

In blog land, that is.

Now, if that translated flawlessly into the real world, wouldn’t that be something?

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31 thoughts on “Stuff you didn’t know you needed to know …”

  1. Your answer to the tattoo question – THE BEST EVER!!!!

    Our kids have a swimming teacher with quite a lot of tattoos. My middle kid was reluctant to learn to swim with him as “He wears a tutu!” fortunately she got over it without the need for therapy, and is now our little Ariel.

  2. I just caught up on your blog today and I have been LMAO for the whole time, I believe you and I were separated at birth, when it comes to our family life.

    BTW, I’m watching Anderson Cooper on Regis and Kelly and he is yumilicious!

    Take care!

  3. “Do you like snakes?

    Do you like getting a colonoscopy with a power drill? Same answer”

    This is how my husband feels about spiders. Cracks me up. Big tough Army soldier and all.

  4. Would you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your husband? HELL NO, THEY’D BOTH BE DEAD, OR IN THE HOSPITAL!!! He is MY husband for a reason… that is MY PENIS AND MY PENIS ONLY!!! HA! LOL
    Where were you last week?
    Home with my kids or at school, depends on what times LOL
    Have you ever seen a live bat?
    Yes I have, scary… I think the fruit bats are cute…
    Do you like Big Macs?
    no, I love Whoppers
    Do you like the color orange?
    I just recently started liking orange…
    Would you rather not eat or not sleep?
    Not eat, I HAVE TO SLEEP!!!
    Have you ever seen a real redneck?
    Yes, my dad! LOL
    Are you single?
    NO! I am happily married to the best man alive… he’s good at everything…
    Do you like tattoos?
    Yes, I wish I had more money to get more!!
    How long do you use the phone daily?
    30minutes a day about
    NEW QUESTION: How long do you use the internet?
    4-5 hours a day… about
    Do you like snakes?
    Yes, some…

    I liked doing that… fuN!

  5. Colonoscopy just bring it on. Couldn’t care less whether its done by a drill or otherwise thanks to the beautiful twilight drugs. In the moment they hit the bloodstream that fussy “I love all People” feeling takes over and I start telling everybody in the OP all my deepest secrets (didn’t even know that I had any, but apparently I have a hideous deeply flawed split personality). Lucky that I have only about 40 Seconds before I’m out of it. The good thing is that I can’t remember anything afterwards. So in the end it’s all “honky dory”.

  6. Great list! I love Big Macs too, that’s why I refuse to read any of those anti-fast food books, because if I do, I may not love them so much!

  7. That is one of the craziest memes I have ever seen, but I guess I’m kind of ignorant with the memes sometimes. But what’s with the orange pee?!

  8. Okay, I Just. Know. you’ll be Very Impressed, so here goes:

    I nominated your blog for An Award. Come on over to check it out.

    kwr221.blogspot.com

    I bet your’re virtually RUNNING, aren’t you? Thought so.

    No? huh.

  9. You are so funny! I would love to have 1/100th of your wit… thanks for the laughs tonight… I’m cleaning out my reader right now… over 800 posts to read… exhausted and halfway asleep right now… but conscious or not, I can still recognize funny… and that was it!

    okay, I’m rambling now… must go to bed. NOW!

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