Time for another multiple choice quickie!

Yay for quickies! The world doesn’t have enough of them if you ask me.

Nobody asks me.

Here we go:

It is ten o’clock at night after a miserably long, stressful, unproductive day, the highlight of which occurred five minutes prior when your puppy sat on your bare feet and proceeded to barf up big chunks of pepperoni that your husband had left on the coffee table because apparently, your recent request of him to not leave food lying around on coffee tables was spoken in Braille which you would think would not be lost in translation by your husband since he’s deaf to you 99.2% of the time but alas, you would think wrong.

You gingerly maneuver around four heaping laundry baskets to avoid the damp, two foot wide perimeter aftermath of Nature’s Miracle which you know all to well does nothing to prevent your puppy from splashing the same area with bodily fluids tomorrow but which you still use nevertheless because at least you’re doing something about the situation instead of simply spraying the area with curse words which has proven totally ineffective as evidenced by your miserably long, stressful, unproductive day thus far. You collapse upon the couch next to your husband, sigh heavily and muse out loud “God! What a shit day. I wish I knew what to do with my life. You know? Ever feel that way sometimes? Like you’re just kind of existing but not actually living? Know what I mean?”


From the choices below, choose the best response that can offered by your husband so that he will survive the next five minutes of his life without having his ass chewed off, ground up and spit out by a rusty weed whacker:

  1. “No.”
  2. “You want to know what your problem is?”
  3. “Hey, did you eat my pepperoni?”
  4. “Can you move your knee? I can’t see the forty yard line.”
  5. *no response; too busy checking email*
  6. “Huh? Did you say something?”
  7. “Identify the root cause of your problem, analyze the best potential solution and implement it. I’ll boot up my PowerPoint and show you.”
  8. *no response; you apparently also muse in Braille*
  9. “Yes? Sometimes? Maybe? Which answer winds up with us naked?”


And the answer is …. 10. None of the above. The Assless Wonder was screwed long before the puppy puke hit the floor, right around the same time he deleted all your DVR recordings of Real Housewives of New Jersey to make room for Thursday night football.



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16 thoughts on “Time for another multiple choice quickie!”

  1. Avatar

    Oh Tim would’ve been sooooo S.O.L. the minute that puppy puke hit my feet. And because Tim has wisened up over the years, believe it or not, he probably would’ve grabbed his car keys as quickly as possible and high-tailed his ass outta here before I could stare daggers in his direction.

    Our goodbyes in the morning usually consist of him saying, “I’m leaving for work…nice knowing ya”. With my response, “Not really. Good riddance. Don’t come back a minute too soon please”.

    We just celebrated our 8th anniversary. Aren’t we a fairytale love story or what?

  2. Avatar

    Well…I myself was going to vote for number 9. I mean, because, you know…you get his complete and total attention while you outline what has to happen in order to get to the naked part (& I’m just operating on the assumption that includes him cleaning the puke AND listening to the details of the horrible day). But then, I’ve never seen Real Housewives, so I’m probably not grasping the gravity of that situation as thoroughly as I should.

    On a more serious note, sorry for the awful day and I hope there’s a way for you to see the show (& for him to redeem himself from his deathbed).

  3. Avatar

    Yeah. I gave up musing. Out loud. It’s so much a waste of time.

    Screaming like a banshee does help, albiet temporarily. This act of losing your mind in front of your family will lead to about 1 hour of sheepish attempts to do all the things you’ve asked for help on. Unfortunately, they return to their evil ways shortly there after.

    Then the banshee has to make an encore performance roughly 13 days later.

    I should video tape it and just keep it handy on the DVR or something. It would save me from having heart-attack inducing high BP spikes and/or broken capillaries in my face.

    A woman can dream….right?

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