Twitter: Where I prove I have no point in 140 characters or less

Have you ever had one of those days where absolutely nothing goes according to plan and by “according to plan,” I mean within a mile of the vicinity of right?

So far, I’ve had thirty-one days like that in January and … wait, let’s see … yep! Two in February.

I’m not planning my days anymore. It’s sucks my will to live through a straw, right past my gigantic uterus and putrid bladder, winding through all my herniated discs and finally right through my stuffed-up nose.

The post I intended to publish today went *poof* in midair. I have no idea how or why and I got tired of shaking my hard drive like a maraca, waiting for it to fall out. I was going to re-write the entire thing but then I figured, why bother? It’s Tuesday night and the season premiere of Lost is on and by tomorrow morning, I bet no one is going to feel like reading my drivel because we’ll all be too busy banging our heads against a bunch of different walls, yelling OH MY GOD, SERIOUSLY?

So, instead, I’ll just share some of the drivel I post on Twitter because that’s just a simple copy/paste job and won’t make anyone think or work too hard, especially me.


Remember when I joined Twitter? Where you are limited to posts that are 140 characters or less? I’m still there, much to my family’s dismay. This would be the same family who will no longer answer any of my questions without first having me prick my finger and sign a contract in blood entitled STUFF YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TWEET ABOUT SO STOP IT.


I’ll post when I’m watching TV:


I’ll post fascinating facts about reptiles:


I’ll post about my preferences in music:


I’ll post about sports and the benefits of a routine exercise program:


I’ll even post job offerings:

I’ll share my feelings:


I’ll post miscellaneous crap that randomly pops into my head for no apparent reason:


I’ll post about current events:


And finally, I’ll post about a miscellaneous body part or two:

If you like being surprised that I am able to tie my own shoes and walk upright, you can follow me here:

As you well know if you’ve spent any time at all on my blog, I suffer from verbal incontinence and am known to use eleventy-three million words when three would have been sufficient, all so I can leave you bewildered and shaking your first at your monitor, shouting THAT’S THIRTEEN MINUTES I’LL NEVER GET BACK. But by reading my Twitter stream where I am forced to express my thoughts in 140 characters or less, you can get the same result and you’ll only have to shout THAT’S FIVE SECONDS I’LL NEVER GET BACK.

I’ve just saved you one entire syllable in addition to twelve minutes and 55 seconds.

Time management.

It’s a calling.



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41 thoughts on “Twitter: Where I prove I have no point in 140 characters or less”

  1. Avatar

    *Chuckling like crazy* oh man i am so happy i found ur blog as miserable as i have been the past few days i cant help but almost laugh up a lung reading ur tweets in this post! TO DAMN FUNNY!! AND i have to totally agree with u on the one tweet when u saod “so is that all you did today?” MAN nothing pisses me off more then being asked that or “so what did ou do today” and id spent the entire day cooking an cleaning!!
    .-= Kira’s last blog post is here ..~And the winners are….~ =-.

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    OMG…the one about J Lo made me laugh so hard that snot actually shot out of my nose. That’s how funny you are. Honestly, you are a riot. And the one about Miley Cyrus…I second that sentiment. The douchebag tweet was especially cool.

    If your kids ever think you are uncool and not funny, tell them to talk to my kids. Then they’ll appreciate you a whole lot more.
    .-= Helene’s last blog post is here ..Believe it or not, there were some positive moments this week… =-.

  3. Avatar

    oh the hilarity! Such a shitty week for me and such a wonderful post to get me giggling!! I could honestly agree with over half of what you’ve tweeted. πŸ˜‰
    .-= Cheryl’s last blog post is here ..Overheard… =-.

  4. Avatar

    No way Twitter. It already takes me close to an hour to get caught up with my Reader in the morning–though you, I’ll gladly spend 13 minutes on!
    .-= Heather T.’s last blog post is here ..Running =-.

  5. Avatar

    ALMOST enough to make me join twitter. Almost. I think I’ll just click on your account from your blog and then absorb 2 minutes worth of 140 characters or less at a time. This way I can drink beer at the same time. πŸ™‚

  6. Avatar

    Well, that was 13 thoroughly enjoyable minutes. SITS sent me over. Glad they did β€” I’ll be back at least to what you do with the next eleventy-three million (or billion) words.
    .-= CCW’s last blog post is here ..Punxsatawney Till =-.

  7. Avatar

    (wow. write much, CCW?) Intended to say I shall be back at least eleventy-three times to see what you do with the next eleventy-three million (or billion) words.

    Now, clearly, I *must* get some coffee.
    .-= CCW’s last blog post is here ..Punxsatawney Till =-.

  8. Avatar

    I don’t twitter much…haven’t seen the point of it really. I guess it’s ok, I just don’t have that much to say. I did post one the other day “Customer Comment: ‘This pot says Decaf, does that mean it’s decaf?’ Yes, he really asked that.” I felt it was funny enough to share!
    .-= Jayde’s last blog post is here ..Giveaway Winners =-.

  9. Avatar

    OMG! i am laughing so hard and trying not to wake my sleeping 5 month old behind me. I love your blog, and follow you on twitter even though i dont tweet myself. Reading them a second time makes them even funnier.
    Thanks for the laughs!

  10. Avatar

    Wow I thought I put some wack job stuff on Twitter… you might just have me beat. πŸ˜‰

    Now that I think about it. I’ve been a bit lack luster on there lately. Time to throw something out pof left field πŸ˜›
    .-= Robin’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday 2/3 =-.

  11. Avatar

    I’m glad I’m not the only one on earth that makes 3 words into 50000000 words. I always have to explain until I’m satisfied. I think I’m redundant, but you gotta get the point across right?!

  12. Avatar

    Off to make sure I”m following you on Twitter. So funny!

    I have a love-hate relationship with Twitter. Seriously. I like to use it, but there’s only so much talking to myself I can do in a day – especially short succinct talking to myself.

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