Warning: Orange pee and obscenity ahead. Proceed with caution.

I’m currently nursing my … let’s see … dammit, I ran out of fingers and toes so I can’t count that high, so let’s just round up to, say, TOO MANY TO REMEMBER …  urinary tract infection.

This will be a short post since I’m busy munching on cipro and tinkling neon agent orange every 3.5 minutes. Again.

Remind me to call my contractor, would you? I need to find out how my wing at the urologist’s office is coming along. I’m thinking of naming it the Andrea Chamberlain Toxic Wasteland Memorial Wing – In Honor of Putrefied Bladders and Urethras Everywhere.

Grand opening is scheduled for February 1.  There’ll be complimentary cranberry juice and antibiotics for everyone. Lots of fun to be had! Door prizes available, based on highest individual volumes of expressed urine and most concentrated levels of bacteria. Those with e-coli get double the chances to win!

Grand prize of a free catheterization goes to the lucky owner of the brightest, most fluorescent orange pee.

No cover charge, just leave a urine sample at the door, if you please.

Casual dress, paper robes optional.

Hope you can make it!


I’m trying to find the humor in having a hazardous no-fly zone in the general vicinity of my urinary tract system. I’m trying, but quite frankly, I’m exhausted from battling the vermin that insist on squatting and breeding in my innards.

I know I should keep fighting the good fight, but you know what?


I think my friend Deb summed it up best when she emailed me this:


Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words.

But five will do.


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35 thoughts on “Warning: Orange pee and obscenity ahead. Proceed with caution.”

  1. Avatar

    having just recovered from my second only bout I empathise with you. It wiped me out for a week, I felt like I had been in a boxing bout with the current heavyweight champ! I so don’t want to go there any time soon. Love the picture, just perfect for how I have been feeling in the run up to the end of the school holidays (summer here in Australia). Yay for Monday though.

  2. Avatar

    I totally sympathize.

    Have you been referred to the WCC here in town yet?

    I had the pleasure of going a few weeks ago and was treated to a catheter the first week and it was so much fun, I went back the next week for a camera to be inserted in my bladder! It hurt, but the pics were waay cool. 😉

  3. Avatar

    I know that it really sucks, but that pic made me LOL! Cipro sucks almost as much as chronic UTIs. I’m sorry Andy. Hope you’re better soon and for good this time.

    I’m jealous that you and Kristin know each other outside of the laptop.

  4. Avatar

    Well, I don’t really… but I keep hoping I’ll see her in a certain Wegman’s.

    Of course, I suppose I’d have better luck if I shopped at that one more than once every 3 or 4 weeks.

  5. Avatar

    Hope you feel better soon! I always find a way to laugh when I read you. I was very sympathetic for you until I saw the poster, then cracked up!
    Tip: eating asparagus once a week and drinking cranberry juice once a week has worked for me. I haven’t had an issue since I started. You may “doctor” the cranberry juice, I don’t, but my girlfriends do.

  6. Avatar

    Respiratory infections are the bane of my winters, and I’m off to the doc today for my own round of antibiotics. I love that picture. I may have to steal, I mean borrow, it for my computer. That about sums up how I feel today too, especially after all the snow and ice we just had with more coming next week.

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    I am mentally crossing my legs and wincing as I read this post. Been there. Done all that. Those little cranberry extract pills are a good thing, btw.

  8. Avatar

    omg… ya know what? I was innocently reading and lightly scrolling when I saw just the top part of that picture! WHEW was I relieved to see what it was!! ROTFLMAO!!! For a min. there, given the subject matter, I was scared!! LOL!! Hope you feel better kiddo! give me a shout ok?

  9. Avatar

    I HAVE TO HAVE THAT POSTER. I want to hang it on the wall in my office. Actually, I’ll hang it on the door.

    What is up with your urinary tract? Do you really need it? Can’t they just remove it? Sheesh.

  10. Avatar

    You are hilarious, you know, but I know how unfunny it is to live through this situation. I had UTI after UTI until they finally ran tests on me and determined that it’s because I have a rare disease called medullary sponge kidney. Don’t faint at the “rare disease” label like I almost did. It’s not something leading to dialysis or anything. It’s that the blood vessels in my kidneys don’t go from large at the top to small at the bottom like a good filtering system should. They are all mixed up, so bacteria builds up where it shouldn’t and Boom! I’m crying when I pee.

    The cure is basically to take 6 months worth of antibiotics at a time whenever you get a UTI, and drink lots and lots and lots of water every day. But it’s very helpful to know you have this condition, because all kinds of things (like too many vitamins a day; yep, I’m not making that up! My kidney couldn’t process them) can cause a UTI that wouldn’t phase a normal person.

    The tests mostly involve peeing, and having them scan you with some kind of dye in your veins, then pee again. No catheters.

  11. Avatar

    I went through too many of these too mention when I was younger. They, surprisingly, completely stopped when I went on an Atkins Diet five years ago and have since limited my intake of “bad” carbs. But I also started drinking about that time, so maybe the alcohol helped? I do not miss that orange pee crap, or the pain, or the horse-pill-antibiotics. Hope you feel better soon.

    By the way, Deb sends the best stuff. I ALWAYS read her forwards. They make my day.

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    I know how you feel-I get them alot too. They are not fun! I love the poster. I would love to get one G rated to put up in my husband’s office. Maybe, “Forget it” haha.

  13. Avatar

    Sorry that you have a UTI but your post did make me giggle.

    Am I a bad person for wanting to eat a ton of beets just before the next time I have to give a pee sample? The bright pink pee is so much prettier than boring old yellow (or bright orange!).

  14. Avatar

    Seriously? The woman who makes me cry and scream and laugh and in general just be happy came to MY blog? OMG.

    Thanks for stopping by and come back any time. All I can promise for the most part are digi layouts ~ no clever witticisms or biting descriptions of plain old life (I’ll leave that in your capable hands).

    Seriously. Totally made my day!


  15. Avatar

    Never been here before. huh. Go figure. I had a bladder infection for TWO YEARS. Cipro enough to kill every STD in Harlem and all my urine tests showed negative, yet with blood. huh? So, hospitalization for me and an intensive catheterization/camera while screaming and climbing the sheets on my hospital bed. Bled like a stuck hog and yelled my head off the next six times I peed, but they said I had polycystic disease of the bladder.

  16. Avatar

    What about the idea of having a laptop on your lap for many hours a day increasing the risk of bladder infection? Has anyone ever heard of any research being done on that? I know there is a small amount of radiation and certainly heat output from the computer. I am struggling too. aarrgh.

  17. Avatar

    Hi all.

    I too have been struggling and suffering with a sort of UTI; I get the urgency feeling and then lots of discomfort afterwards.

    I recently went on a website Waterfall D mannose. This is a powder similar to glucose powder and you take a teaspoon every 3 hours initially, but need to take it regularly thereafter; like 1 or 2 times a day to maintain. Seems to work if you stay on top of your condition. Has anyone else tried this?

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