Andrea

Andrea

We are one boob grope away from a Jerry Springer highlight

Every time I look at our wedding photos, I’m reminded of how much older I am than Nate. In reality, I’ve only got about a year and a half on him but in my mind, which is usually about 82 light years due north of reality, it looks more like a decade and sometimes at restaurants, I feel compelled to complain about osteoporosis and then reach over and cut up his steak into small bites.

I think a lot of this has to do with Nate’s hair. Unlike me who obviously somehow pissed off God in utero and was born with unruly, prematurely DON’T LOOK NOW BUT THERE IS AN OBESE SKUNK SLEEPING ALL OVER YOUR HEAD hair so filled with cowlicks that I actually emerged from the womb with a loud moo, Nate was blessed with a head full of thick, black, perfect hair so shiny that it that looked as if it had been shellacked onto his head. Couple that with his youthful appearance and I knew every time we went out that people were commenting to themselves What a handsome son she has! Right before frantically whispering Oh my Gawwwwd, did he just cop a feel? He did! What the hell? That is SICK. Quick, someone YouTube this.

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Oh sure, he had some gray specks in his hair. But as we all know, gray hair makes men look distinguished and women look like their mothers.

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It used to be that all Nate had to do was lean forward and squint and he looked exactly as if he was racing the last leg of the Tour de France. And I could be found right behind him, yelling WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR HELMET, YOUNG MAN? THAT’S IT! YOU’RE GROUNDED.

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But last week, Nate went out to rent a movie and came back with a buzz cut. And Zoe, Helena and I just sat on the couch in shock and stared at his near bald head. A million thoughts raced through my head, not the least of which was how much money we were going to save on mousse.

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I have to admit, I love it and I think he looks even more handsome than before. I even used the word “hot” at dinner one night but that was only because I wanted to see Zoe and Helena gag up their pizza.

Nate’s new ‘do kind of makes me feel like I’m married to a marine! Or a prison inmate!

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Or a 12 year old on the brink of puberty.

Forget Jerry Springer. I’m worried I’m a Nancy Grace episode just waiting to happen.

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16 thoughts on “We are one boob grope away from a Jerry Springer highlight”

  1. Avatar

    Snort!

    Looks great! I made an unfortunate discovery about Mike, back in the day. He made a similar field trip, ran out to grab some chips and salsa and came back shorn. And as handsome a man as he is, hiding under his hair was a skull topography that is as lumpy as a ninety year old mattress. Very distressing. Not a good look.

    But I must say, Nate has a very nice skull configuration. And I know that of which I speak. Comparatively speaking.

    Blessings!

  2. Avatar

    My hubby goes for this look too – hides (a bit more of) the gray/grey, hides (a bit of) the receding hairline and feels lovely too (in my opinion!)

    I am 9 months MORE MATURE than my man 🙂

  3. Avatar

    I once dated a guy who was 2 years younger than me, and he used that as an excuse to break up. Since he isn’t on Facebook, I have hopes that he is now dead, or at least married to some old hag…

  4. Avatar

    At least you weren’t the one cutting his hair when you had to suggest he shave it all off. Yeah. Doing a high and tight for my husband one day, and I said “Um, there’s nothing to make ‘tight’ anymore, can I just shave it all?” He was traumatized for awhile, but now he shaves it totally bald and I think it looks better than trying to hang onto those last 10 hairs.

  5. Avatar

    Wow he did have nice hair but a change is good too. Both photos of you two are very nice and I think your hair is pretty. Ill trade my thick curly expensive hair for your light pretty colored hair anyday:)

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