We have a winner! And someone tell Stevie Wonder to get himself a new agent
















I made it.

It was touch and go there for a bit, but I managed to fit my head through my office door and only lost my ears in the process. That’s what happens when you get inundated with compliments over the course of three days – your head swells up until it’s ready to give birth. For all I know, the sinus headache I’m experiencing at the moment could very well be my brain crowning.

I hope my head gives birth. Then I’ll have something to blog about and I won’t have to pester my family with WHAT AM I GOING TO BLOG ABOUT? SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.

And hey … if anyone happens to stumble across either one or both of my ears, I’d be ever so grateful if you’d stuff them in a box with some ice and Fedex the entire thing to me. Stick a glue gun in there while you’re at it. Thanks!

I loved all of your comments. I’m just going to conveniently forget the fact that I solicited them and instead, tell you what I did with them.

I decoupaged my bathroom mirror with them and used them for my daily affirmations this past weekend. In the immortal words of Eliot Spitzer a/k/a Client #9 a/k/a Moronic Idiot, there’s nothing like a little solicitation to make you feel on top of the world! Or on top of a prostitute. Whatever.

So, as for the giveaway … I contacted Martha on Friday via Yahoo Messenger and typed: Martha! Did you see what’s happening with the giveaway?

And she typed: Nope. I have my eyes closed.

And I typed: You do not.

And she typed: Yes, I do.

And I typed: Then how are you typing?

And she typed: Shut up.

And I typed: You shut up.

And she typed: I called it first.

And I typed: I’m dragging you to therapy, if it’s the last thing I ever do.

And in the interest of not boring you to death any further, I’ll just say that Martha was overwhelmed with the response to her artwork and I got the chance to say I TOLD YOU SO, NA NA NA NA NA NA, POOPYHEAD which was awesome because I haven’t been able to tell anyone “I told you so” since last week so I was long overdue.

Before I announce the winner, I’d like to shout out a huge THANK YOU to all 112 of you that participated. You guys make losing my virginity so damn easy and fun. Where the hell were you 20+ years ago?

Did I just type that out loud?

OK … here we go:

I used and asked it to spit out a random integer between 1 and 112, inclusive, and this is what it spat:


and the comment corresponding to that number was:


Congratulations Jacinda! Email me at to claim your prize! Please include the exact dollar amount you require in order to use one of my photos instead. Oh, and do you take Mastercard? A kidney? A firstborn? Let me know.

Now I’m going to go back to watching the Grammy’s but only after I attempt to wipe the image of the Jonas Brothers out of my mind. Am I the only estrogen walking on this planet that just cannot stand them? And pairing them with an icon such as Stevie Wonder? If that doesn’t constitute five minutes of WHAT THE HELL, I don’t know what does. One more minute and I’d have ripped out my own eyes, thrown them at Stevie and told him to take a good look at what not to do. EVER AGAIN.

Thanks again, everyone! Let’s do it again sometime, OK?



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18 thoughts on “We have a winner! And someone tell Stevie Wonder to get himself a new agent”

  1. Avatar

    Congratulations to your winner! Woo Hoo! Even thought I didn’t win, you may still keep your compliment. In case you have another give away, then, I will have an in.

  2. Avatar

    Well, gosh darn it!!!!! HOW did I miss this? Am I blind? Blonde? Contest finding challenged? I feel bad, REAL bad! Ok, I’m a loyal reader and missed your contest and I’m not afraid to admit it. Next time, next time I will not miss it or may I be hung by my toes and tickled with a peacock’s feather….

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    Your blog is the 2nd one today that I’ve read where a person was traumatized by last night’s Grammys. So glad I don’t watch them anymore. I don’t care how old that makes me. And for the record, I think all the Jonas boys need haircuts. Where is their mother?

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    YEA! I won! Can’t believe I actually WON! And what a wonderful, amazing prize to win! Thank you SO much Andy. I love your blog and as if I haven’t already told EVERYONE I know to check out your site… you can bet I’ll be randomly stopping strangers in the parking lot of my grocery store telling them to log on and get ready for some great reading and some even greater laughs AND of course, to check out what Krash is gonna do with one of my pictures and all her Photoshop MAGIC!! And…since you’re in the mood to do some bargaining…I dunno if I can give up this prize or not – you might NEED that kidney and I’m pretty sure Zoe and Helena would miss each other! You are TOO funny! Thanks again, for making my day…my week…my month, who am I kidding – her work is gorgeous…you’ve made my YEAR!!

  5. Avatar

    YAY!! I can’t WAIT to work with Jacinda’s photos! Congrats girl! Hope you like what I come up with 🙂 Now as for YOU miss Andy. Thanks for making me look at the comments AND for making me quit doing laundry and giving me the opportunity to help you with a giveaway! 🙂

  6. Avatar

    Ughhhh The Grammy’s.. deffinitly the jonas brothers are not to my liking! but then again i was a new kids on the block girl and no other boy band will ever be able to compete! congrats to the winner of the contest!!!

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