OW, OW, OW, OWIE
I made it.
It was touch and go there for a bit, but I managed to fit my head through my office door and only lost my ears in the process. That’s what happens when you get inundated with compliments over the course of three days – your head swells up until it’s ready to give birth. For all I know, the sinus headache I’m experiencing at the moment could very well be my brain crowning.
I hope my head gives birth. Then I’ll have something to blog about and I won’t have to pester my family with WHAT AM I GOING TO BLOG ABOUT? SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.
And hey … if anyone happens to stumble across either one or both of my ears, I’d be ever so grateful if you’d stuff them in a box with some ice and Fedex the entire thing to me. Stick a glue gun in there while you’re at it. Thanks!
I loved all of your comments. I’m just going to conveniently forget the fact that I solicited them and instead, tell you what I did with them.
I decoupaged my bathroom mirror with them and used them for my daily affirmations this past weekend. In the immortal words of Eliot Spitzer a/k/a Client #9 a/k/a Moronic Idiot, there’s nothing like a little solicitation to make you feel on top of the world! Or on top of a prostitute. Whatever.
So, as for the giveaway … I contacted Martha on Friday via Yahoo Messenger and typed: Martha! Did you see what’s happening with the giveaway?
And she typed: Nope. I have my eyes closed.
And I typed: You do not.
And she typed: Yes, I do.
And I typed: Then how are you typing?
And she typed: Shut up.
And I typed: You shut up.
And she typed: I called it first.
And I typed: I’m dragging you to therapy, if it’s the last thing I ever do.
And in the interest of not boring you to death any further, I’ll just say that Martha was overwhelmed with the response to her artwork and I got the chance to say I TOLD YOU SO, NA NA NA NA NA NA, POOPYHEAD which was awesome because I haven’t been able to tell anyone “I told you so” since last week so I was long overdue.
Before I announce the winner, I’d like to shout out a huge THANK YOU to all 112 of you that participated. You guys make losing my virginity so damn easy and fun. Where the hell were you 20+ years ago?
Did I just type that out loud?
OK … here we go:
I used random.org and asked it to spit out a random integer between 1 and 112, inclusive, and this is what it spat:
and the comment corresponding to that number was:
Congratulations Jacinda! Email me at email@example.com to claim your prize! Please include the exact dollar amount you require in order to use one of my photos instead. Oh, and do you take Mastercard? A kidney? A firstborn? Let me know.
Now I’m going to go back to watching the Grammy’s but only after I attempt to wipe the image of the Jonas Brothers out of my mind. Am I the only estrogen walking on this planet that just cannot stand them? And pairing them with an icon such as Stevie Wonder? If that doesn’t constitute five minutes of WHAT THE HELL, I don’t know what does. One more minute and I’d have ripped out my own eyes, thrown them at Stevie and told him to take a good look at what not to do. EVER AGAIN.
Thanks again, everyone! Let’s do it again sometime, OK?