Your blogger went shopping and all she got you was this lousy post

I spent yesterday finishing up my Christmas shopping. I wound up getting Nate a new Coach purse, Spanx, Bare Minerals and a gift card to Sephora, because I know that’s what he’s always wanted. Kind of like how he went out shopping for me this past weekend and came home with a brand new Sony Bravia flat panel LCD Ode to High Definition. Apparently, much to my surprise, I’ve always wanted an enormous 52″ penis in our family room.

So I spent yesterday shopping and thus, did not have time to write a decent post.

I did, however, have enough time to write an indecent post. A pretty damn good one. But I can’t actually publish it because my mom reads this blog and she’s coming up here for the holidays and we’re going to have enough on our plate to argue about, seeing as how I just set Phase 1 of my midlife crisis into motion today by having my hair colored with a blend of light blond and brown. Phase 2 is tentatively scheduled for March at which time I hope to bleach my hair stark white and add some funky black undertones. And if that topic of conversation doesn’t take up her entire stay, there’s always WHY THE HELL DOESN’T YOUR BROTHER CALL ME to fall back on, and YOU REALLY SHOULD RE-THINK YOUR WARDROBE. SCOOP NECKS ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND in case we get really stuck. No need to throw FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHAT’S WITH THE PORN into the mix just yet.

So instead, I’m going to leave you with this video I found on because watching an adorable baby makes me smile and watching an adorable baby with her daddy makes my uterus want to stage a comeback. Good thing there’s sound on this video. There’s nothing like the memory of a crying baby in the middle of the night to make my uterus not only permanently retire but also crawl all the way up into my esophagus and suck its thumb.



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13 thoughts on “Your blogger went shopping and all she got you was this lousy post”

  1. Avatar

    The video is cute. But … yah, that cry would keep me from having kids. LOL. And the dad was sweet, but just doing it wrong. I used to climb into the crib with my son (and i was pregnant with the second one) to get him to sleep. You want them to sleep NEXT to you. Then you have to move quickly, swing legs over and get out. If I could do it pregnant, a tall guy like that should be able to do it! He moved her too much. LOLOL.

    And I hope Nate likes his Coach. LOL So jealous!

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    Guess he’s not a believer in controlled crying .. the look of desperation on his face at the end is absolutely priceless!

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    My husband asked me if I thought it might be a nice present “you know, for the family” to get one of those fancy-shmancy, hi-def, flat panel TVs to replace the ginormous, very-much-the-opposite of flat panel, twelve ton TV that currently functions just fine in its nook in the entertainment center in our family room. Apparently the look I shot him as my back muscles began suffering PTSD flashbacks to the pain caused by moving that monstrosity downstairs when we moved in was sufficient to change his mind.

    I pointed out that what the family *really* would want is a new kitchen with the cherry cabinets and quartz countertops and breakfast bar with bonus cabinet space where the wall is now and tile floor that the family thought they would be putting in several months ago. Then I began to muse aloud at the new furniture we’d have to buy to replace the entertainment center so that we’d have adequate storage and homes for the various gaming systems and movie-playing systems that all have a nice little nook or cranny of their own in the current configuration. I believe I might’ve even said the word “Stickley” someplace in there.

    He dropped the subject pretty quickly after that.

    Can’t wait to see the new ‘do at lunch! I was going to get my hair cut yesterday, but Steven and Joe and Brad and Tom and Joey really needed my help on guitar, so I couldn’t take the time to get dressed and head out. Can you believe Aerosmith is totally fine with me hanging with them whilst bedheaded and in my jammies? Those guys are way cool.

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    I’m really feeling you on that thumb sucking uterus thing. I don’t think anything or anyone could give me pause regarding staging a womb incubator comeback. THE ABSOLUTE HORROR 🙂

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    I’m so glad you guys are so intuned to each other, and I’m sure you were positively thrilled with your brand spankin new television.

    And what in the world is up with that guy hopping in the crib? In all my three years of crib experiences, never once did I think, “Oh, I’ll just hop in.” I’d be afraid the thing would collapse right out from under us. Now that’s a traumatic moment for a kid.

    And yeah, that screaming just makes me so glad I don’t have middle-of-the-night screaming at my house.

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    I’d love for you to go shopping for me. You sure know how to choose gifts! That video scared me to death. All I kept thinking was the crib was going to fall apart. Isn’t that guy just a little too big to be in there?

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