Sunday regurgitation: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

For those of you wondering why Sunday is throwing up, fear not. Sunday Regurgitation occurs every Sunday, when I link to a prior post of mine, because I am trapped under something heavy and am unable to write anything original or riveting. Hopefully someone will notice I’m missing, remove whatever is suffocating me and I’ll be back to normal by tomorrow. But just in case you never hear from me again … think of me fondly.


Nate went to the doctor to talk about his sleep habit and by habit, I mean the fact that he doesn’t so much fall asleep as lapse into a six hour succession ofย  little micro-comas that are just filled to the brim with snoring, snoring, snoring and … wait for it … more snoring. And it’s not the kind of snoring that stops with a light tap on the stomach and a quiet plea to roll over. I could use a bull horn to scream ATTENTION NATHAN: I WILL RIP OUT YOUR TONSILS WITH MY THUMBS IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP ALREADY directly into his ear and it wouldn’t change a blessed thing. It’s like trying to sleep next to a freight train that’s busy giving birth to a baby space shuttle on the pillow next to you. Breech. With no epidural.

Nate does not wake up from these dead zones, no matter how hard I pummel his body. I’d say that in an average night, he experiences approximately 652 of these episodes. Oddly enough, he wakes up every morning, refreshed.

Know how I wake up?


Me neither. Because if you never actually fall asleep, you never actually wake up, right?

Know what the doctor told Nate?

Go to bed earlier.


Why not just tell Nate to duct tape his nose, mouth, tongue, tonsils and soft palette directly to my face the second he comes home from work and be done with it already?

I’m going to leave you with my post I did last year about this very topic:ย  Sleep deprived.

Not much has changed since then.

Now excuse me while I go start the lawn mower, jump on its engine and try to fall asleep in relative peace and quiet. And with any luck, I’ll dream of Anderson Cooper and donuts and giving Nate’s doctor a high colonic with a rabid gerbil.



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12 thoughts on “Sunday regurgitation: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

  1. Avatar

    ROFL!!! Oh, the mental pictures your words conjure up .. “a high colonic with a rabid gerbil” sounds like it would be mighty interesting to watch!
    Seriously though, has Nate done a sleep study to be tested for sleep apnoea? I could never understand why my husband complained about my snoring .. it’s only a bit of noise right? .. until I had a sleep study done and they told me my noise level was the same as an industrial chainsaw(!!) and that I stopped breathing about 40 times each hour. I now have a CPAP machine which has stopped the snoring completely and keeps me breathing as well.

  2. Avatar

    Awwww… I know how he feels- I’m a snorer too. I did a sleep study, they say I have mild sleep apnea and gave me a machine I’m supposed to use at night to keep me from snoring. Tried it- really gave it my best (not just a one nighter) and HATED it. Our resolution? Separate bedrooms and let me tell you, it’s a beautiful thing! I have my space AND get to sleep ALL night without being woke up and told that I’m snoring. Haha : ) Hope you find a resolution also.

  3. Avatar

    Andy Even though I LOVE Nathan , MY FAVORITE son in law, he does not hold a candle to your father’s snoring decibel so there.

  4. Avatar

    Go to bed earlier? GAH! Dennis snores too. I wear earplugs. Amazing how it blocks out his snores well enough for me to get to sleep, but I can still hear every peep the kids make on the monitors.

  5. Avatar

    Wow, I feel for ya. My husband did that for a long time, and then I realized that he was not breathing a lot of the time, and that finally convinced him to go to a specialist, and now he wears a special sleep apnea mask, and I can finally sleep again…Here’s hoping for better nights!!

  6. Avatar

    My mom has sleep apnea and that can be scary! I didnt realize that snoring could be a sign of not breathing. Im glad he got help. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  8. Avatar

    Rofl on the rainbow note system. Not school is different in that way. Why can’t they discover email notes instead? It would make my life so much easier! The current school system has an automated phone call system that calls the number of a parent’s choosing to notify you of emergancies, meetings, and to come pick up standard test scores because they are trying to safe on postage expense.

    Ugh…i just love getting woken up when I have gone to bed early or have family in town and my phone goes off its the school again.

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