Weekend regurgitation: Hairspray on crack

Helena was a vampire cop for Halloween this year.

I bought her the hat, sunglasses, teeth and badge in the middle of October. Right around the time I was trying to figure out what she could wear as a uniform, because I was damned if I was going to spend $AreYouOutOfYourFriggingMind on a police costume, my father had his stroke.

When I was in North Carolina alternating between visiting my father and trying to teach my mother how to pay bills online, Nate was busy at home juggling work and the kids, shuffling them to and fro, feeding them fast food, avoiding laundry, waking up Helena seven minutes before the bus arrived and spending $AreYouOutOfYourFriggingMind on the police costume.

The handcuffs we already had. Long story.

I leave you with a post I wrote two Halloweens ago, when I went batshit crazy with hairspray and wound up creating reasonable facsimiles of love children between Lady GaGa and (1) a strung out zombie; and (2) Little Orphan Annie.

Yes, that is all their own hair.

Happy Sunday, everyone!



Get ready Hollywood, here I come …

(originally published November 2, 2008)


I’ve found my calling.

So move over Ken Paves, Sally Hershberger, Vidal, José Eber, Cristophe and all the rest of you hoity toity, I-charge-one-arm-and-one-leg-to-touch-your-hair stylists and colorists.

There’s a new girl in town.

She’s armed with hair color in a can, two pounds of hairspray and a pick.

And if it’s not too much trouble, she’d like her own reality television show now, please.

Thank you.



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13 thoughts on “Weekend regurgitation: Hairspray on crack”

  1. Avatar

    First, sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope he is doing better. The costume rocks, but the part about the handcuffs and long story, has my mind wandering. 😉

    And OMG!!! The hairspray is WILD!!!

  2. Avatar

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad’s stroke. We completely missed Halloween this year because I’ve been sick with pneumonia and hubby started working second shift. Helena’s costume looks fantastic, though. I love the hair from 2 years ago!

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  4. Avatar

    LOVE that you are not afraid of a little blood for Halloween! Being mom of 3 boys, every year we have the same argument about how much blood is appropriate for their costumes. The argument really has nothing to do with my kids and everything to do with judgement from the other moms who think of it as irresponsible parenting. Well, this year I gave in. The more blood the better, I say! And you can’t have blood without guts! Anyway, we are Halloween fanatics over here! You might giggle at my Halloween story, if you are at all a fan of the macabre. Thanks for posting such great stuff! I’ll be back (insert evil cackle, here)

  5. Avatar

    Helena’s costume this year looked great! Did Zoe dress up?

    I am in awe of the holy-hell-how-did-you-do-that hairsprayed hair-dos. But, how could you expect anything less from the proud owner of half the styling products in New York state? Amazing. 🙂

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