Why don’t they just rip out my eyelashes one by one?

The fact that I am blessed with decent health, a pretty great husband and two healthy wonderful daughters is not lost on me. I am grateful. Very grateful.

But I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days when it’s all I can do not to carry the lot of them to the curb, stick a “FOR SALE, ALL REASONABLE OFFERS CONSIDERED” sign in their mouths and call it a day.

Case in point:

Are you guys just messing with me? Making me salivate needlessly over a snack that isn’t really there? Trying to psyche me out or what? Do you really want to come home to a mommy who has not had her chocolate fix? Well, do you? I didn’t think so.

What’s that, Nate? You want a ginger ale? Sure, I’ll get one for you. Oh my goodness, looks like we’re all out. Huh. That’s weird. I mean, the box is in there, but there’s nothing in it. You’re the only one that drinks that stuff in this house and I know I saw you drinking one yesterday. Huh.

Mom, where are my earrings? The ones I got for my birthday? I LOVE THOSE EARRINGS. They were on my dresser and now they’re not. Now what am I going to do? I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR. Helena, did you go in my room? Did you take my earrings? STAY OUT OF MY ROOM. Mom, can I borrow your earrings? I DON’T HAVE ANY. (disclaimer: please ignore the dust. I do.)

I do not allow my kids to eat or drink in the living room. So maybe I should just be grateful they actually used a coaster for one of the cups but God forbid, not both. And yes, that is a toothpick. Hey kids, can you throw me that hay bale over there? That one, next to the horses. Oh, that’s right. WE DON’T HAVE A BARN AND THUS, YOU WERE NOT RAISED IN ONE. I am officially grossed out.

Coming soon to a laundry basket near me. Just to clarify, yes … that is a wadded-with-the-legs-rolled-up pair of jeans lying on my eldest daughter’s bedroom floor. And yes, that is her underwear sticking out of them and a sock stuck to the bottom of them. I don’t know how long she’s been working on the ability to undress in one fell swoop but apparently, it’s been time well spent.

Judging from this photo, I think my youngest has been studying at the feet of the master.

While we’re on the subject Helena, what possesses you to just drop trow in the living room? Am I the only civilized one in this house? And for all of you blessed with 20/20 vision … yes, that is a safety pin in my daughter’s waistband. I bet my mother is having a coronary at this very instant. No, I cannot sew. And contrary to urban legend, duct tape doesn’t fix everything. Moving on …

Mom, where’s my Nintendo?!? I need to take it to Natalee’s! Mom! Where is it? It was right here! Can you help me find it? I did check my room! All over it! I moved everything! I did! I really did! I promise! I’ve looked everywhere and it’s not there. Zoe, did you go into my room? Did you? STAY OUT OF MY ROOM. Mom, I’ve looked for a hundred thousand years and it’s not there. MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM.

You’re killing me. Just killing me.



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16 thoughts on “Why don’t they just rip out my eyelashes one by one?”

  1. Avatar

    Ok. This isn’t fair!! Just NOT fair I’m tellin’ ya! WHY does your mess look better than MY mess???? LOL!! Oh and Helena doesn’t have anything over on Hannah! Hannah’s DS was missing for um….about 8mths!! Finally found it…wedged way underneath the loveseat in the family room…sigh..yes I’m admitting it took me that long to finally move it to clean, I was scared!! :p

    LOVE the photos! lol!!

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    Too funny, my girls rooms used to look like this. Now they are married and have their own homes and kids and guess what? They are now telling them all the time to pick up, but theirs do.

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    For a minute there I thought I was looking at pictures taken from my house! LOL! What is it with kids (especially my oldest) taking their clothes off and leaving them all in one pile as if they just magically dropped off of their bodies – socks, undies & pants all at one time.

    Hope you had some backup cookies for you!

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    Oh, it’s nice to know I’m not alone! The clothes would have looked different, since I have boys doing that, but I have the same kind of piles in various places in our house. And the cups in the living room, and the snacks all gone… yep, I’m not alone!!

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    Wow! been there done that – with my HUSBAND! Thanks so much for sharing this little insight into your life – makes me feel less alone and also gives me a big laugh! 🙂

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    What about leaving the van sliding door open all night and the lights on so I am stuck with a dead car to drive the kids to school in the rush of the morning? A miracle the car or the contents weren’t stolen! Or, leaving the milk out for 7 hours, along with the rest of the finished meal on the table? Or, leave the front door open all night? We live in an urban neighborhood, for godsakes!

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    OmG..this is so great! Reminds me of this house only yours looks much better. I was laughing..thanks for this great blog.

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    I love you! You are my new hero! My daughter does that with her clothes and my husband does that with the toilet paper all the time. I’m like, jeez, you are sitting there for an hour, you can’t take the time to put it on the holder? it’s not like he’d have to get up to do it!

  9. Pingback: Sunday regurgitation for January 18, 2009 |

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    OMG! You live at my house? But the furniture isn’t right. And I have boy clothes. I am *so* *so* *so* glad that my family isn’t the only ones who thinks anything that I say or command must be utterly ignored and in fact, do things to flaunt their insubordination.

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