Chew on this

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Chew (choo):  a verb meaning …

… to use one’s teeth to grind something, such as your owner’s favorite toy and reason for living. That would be the favorite toy and reason for living that is located on the couch and that controls the TV, not the one that is located in the vicinity of his groin and that controls every other aspect of his life. Because using teeth on that particular favorite toy and reason for living is a deal breaker. For anyone.

… to chomp.

(PS: Our house is where pens come to die.)

… to gnaw.

(PPS: Our house is where writing utensils of all shapes and sizes and colors come to die.)


… to bite repeatedly, with no regard for potential electrocution or mommy’s sudden onset of agoraphobia stemming from her inability to leave the house without a fully charged cell phone lest some bizarre misfortune befall her, such as a pack of crazed, suicidal alpacas breaking free of their herd and smashing into her car at full trot, leaving her with no means by which to call her husband and shriek incoherently that she needs help immediately as she is being attacked by ugly, short camels. The fact that for the prior forty years she functioned just fine without any kind of cell phone or alpaca incident whatsoever, notwithstanding.

… to munch on, with no regard for mommy’s sudden weight gain due to her inability to run down the driveway, let alone for three miles, without a fully charged iPod because a fully charged iPod helps her forget the blood, sweat and tears that is her daily run, whereas strapping Lady GaGa, Rhianna, Ke$ha and Usher onto her back only serves to remind her of how much a hernia sucks.

… to nibble ferociously, until the point of amputation.

(PPPS:  It’s like 127 Hours boiled down to two minutes except the scenery sucks and James Franco is pudgy, bald and seasick.)

… to gum.

… to masticate.

(PinfinityS: Which, sometimes? Is a good thing. Like when your owner is prone to buying up the entire world over the Internet when his wife isn’t looking.)

… to feast upon, especially when you are not let out of your crate for a full ten seconds after your owners walk in the door.

… to consider, deliberate, reflect, dwell upon, ruminate or otherwise ponder.

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26 thoughts on “Chew on this”

  1. I just can’t believe that cute little ball of fluff can do such damage! Shame on you blaming such an innocent little doggie! LOL

    P.S. If it’s not one thing it’s another.. if not chewer, a digger, a biter(that would be my cat!) and my dog.. well she is a barker and howler. I’m sure our neighbors hate us:(

  2. WOW, what a chewer. Poor little thing, some of the chewed stuff looks scary to bite into. So glad he’s ok! Cute adorable sweet puppy, needs some serious rawhides!

  3. Such a cute dog! MINE is BIG and lives outside. My swings, chairs, boat wires, water hose, and event hammock have been chewed to death! 🙁

  4. Look at that sweet little face! I don’t believe for a minute that he could have caused so much mischief – he’s just too precious!!!

  5. Invest in a box of small Milk Bones and give him a couple every time you let him out of the crate. Coco chews those like nobody’s business and they help with stinky puppy breath. Unfortunately, we find them in the beds, the sofa cushions, under the piano, etc. it’s worth it though because she doesn’t chew anything else…

  6. Best photographic definition, ever.

    What a cutiepie!! When we first got our Golden Retriever, my husband remarked that “it’s all about the mouth!” We gave him cow knee bones, which don’t splinter, and rag cloth tug of war toys. Even a towel. But at least he never chews on something we don’t want him to…

  7. What a cute story! And this adorable little puppy doesn’t look like the Tasmanian Devil, but boy you sure have the evidence to prove otherwise! Hahaha. Still he IS adorable so maybe he keeps you running around the house after him instead of outside-built in workout!

  8. OH NO….. but your puppy is SO CUTE I bet he just needs to give you a puppy dog look and he gets away with it all.

  9. I recognize some of those items! My cat is the cute and cutting culprit. My dogs? Nah. My cat Jaguar, he chews. His two faves are my MacBook Pro cord (I’ve already gone thru one with him)… and my purses. (We’ve been thru 3 of those together, he and I)

    Good luck with this.

  10. Pingback: Found and Shared | A Hen's Nest

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