Chew on this


Chew (choo):  a verb meaning …

… to use one’s teeth to grind something, such as your owner’s favorite toy and reason for living. That would be the favorite toy and reason for living that is located on the couch and that controls the TV, not the one that is located in the vicinity of his groin and that controls every other aspect of his life. Because using teeth on that particular favorite toy and reason for living is a deal breaker. For anyone.

… to chomp.

(PS: Our house is where pens come to die.)

… to gnaw.

(PPS: Our house is where writing utensils of all shapes and sizes and colors come to die.)

… to bite repeatedly, with no regard for potential electrocution or mommy’s sudden onset of agoraphobia stemming from her inability to leave the house without a fully charged cell phone lest some bizarre misfortune befall her, such as a pack of crazed, suicidal alpacas breaking free of their herd and smashing into her car at full trot, leaving her with no means by which to call her husband and shriek incoherently that she needs help immediately as she is being attacked by ugly, short camels. The fact that for the prior forty years she functioned just fine without any kind of cell phone or alpaca incident whatsoever, notwithstanding.

… to munch on, with no regard for mommy’s sudden weight gain due to her inability to run down the driveway, let alone for three miles, without a fully charged iPod because a fully charged iPod helps her forget the blood, sweat and tears that is her daily run, whereas strapping Lady GaGa, Rhianna, Ke$ha and Usher onto her back only serves to remind her of how much a hernia sucks.

… to nibble ferociously, until the point of amputation.

(PPPS:  It’s like 127 Hours boiled down to two minutes except the scenery sucks and James Franco is pudgy, bald and seasick.)

… to gum.

… to masticate.

(PinfinityS: Which, sometimes? Is a good thing. Like when your owner is prone to buying up the entire world over the Internet when his wife isn’t looking.)

… to feast upon, especially when you are not let out of your crate for a full ten seconds after your owners walk in the door.

… to consider, deliberate, reflect, dwell upon, ruminate or otherwise ponder.



Creative Junkie

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: