What in God’s name was I smoking when I agreed to this?
Whatever it was? I’d like some more, please.
Having a puppy is almost like having a newborn baby, except that my boobs are not engorged and I can’t shoot my uterus across the room by sneezing.
A newborn baby is easier than a puppy because newborn babies come with diapers.
Puppy diapers are truly an excellent idea. Someone go invent them. Thank you.
I’m worried people are going to think I shrunk a real dog in the dryer.
You can turn a tiny, happy puppy into a furious, demented hyena simply by placing him in a crate.
If you’d prefer a screeching, rabid, pissed-off, psychotic hyena instead, one who acts as if his testicles are being french braided and then pureed in a Cuisinart, place that tiny, happy puppy in a crate and then walk out of the room.
I will never take another shower in peace and quiet.
I don’t remember what peace and quiet sounds like.
Puppies keep your feet warmer than fleece slippers.
There is something to be said for unconditional love that doesn’t come equipped with an I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DO LAUNDRY? OH MY GOD, I CAN’T WEAR THIS! MY LIFE SUCKS gene.
Puppy breath smells like ass. With infected hemorrhoids.
Dog food and treats don’t smell much better.
I thought I’d never meet another mammal who could produce ten times its weight in pee within a 24 hour period without benefit of a raging bladder infection.
Puppies are mammals, right?
Puppies are softer than clouds.
Puppy poop looks like milk chocolate covered pretzels.
Puppy poop on cream carpet looks like dark chocolate covered pretzels.
My carpet is scared.
I am scared.
I now know what it feels like to have my own personal stalker.
I did not think it was possible to love any living thing like I do my own kids.
.
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52 thoughts on “First impressions on raising a puppy”
That line about puppy breath smelling like ass with infected hemmorhoids has got to be the best line of the year so far!!! I’m gonna still be giggling about that 2 weeks from now!
I can see though why he’s won over your heart…he’s adorable.
.-= Helene’s last blog post is here ..Hubby, please excuse me from housework today… =-.
Man. He is beyond cute. Oh and I e-mailed you. To be all stalkerish. And it returned it to me. You cut me off, didn’t you. At least I can still read your blog. muwahahaha
.-= Cheryl’s last blog post is here ..Did You Know? =-.
LMAO!! Omg thanks for the laugh, I needed it!
.-= Deal-ectible Mom’s last blog post is here ..Amy Michelle EcoTote Review & Giveaway =-.
Hi! I read but don’t comment much – but couldn’t pass this one up. I keep trying to tell people that having a puppy is like having a baby, but everybody just rolls their eyes at me. We found our puppy last February left behind in a cardboard box in a shopping cart at Walmart. He was only about 4 or 5 weeks old. The first couple of nights, I literally put his first crate – he’s on crate #3 now I think due to growth – right in the bed with us at night. He whimpered a bit at first but then adapted quickly I think because he was so close to us. Then I moved his crate to a bedside table and he still sleeps there, though I do have to cover him like a bird! He’s a terrier breed of some kind and very visual and won’t relax otherwise. Thank goodness that he took to the crate, otherwise I don’t think I would survived. A rigid schedule of time up, time outside, crated naps, feedings and bedtime really helped me a lot both with housebreaking him and with behavior – and he is still on a nap schedule. Otherwise, just like a child he gets very wound up. When he was a puppy, during day hours between his feeding and playing schedule, he was crated right in the family room where he could see and hear us as we moved about the house. It was a rough start, and he’s still very much a puppy. Watch your cords! I had to replace a camera cord, a laptop cord and the cord to my Kindle. And buu LOTS of toys, LOTS and LOTS of toys, most of which he will promptly destroy almost immediately. Better than shoes. Or cords. Be warned. If you think you are attached now, the bond will only tighten.
Good luck! He is beautiful!!
.-= Mary’s last blog post is here ..Creole Stuffed Peppers =-.
That’s why I have a rabbit! Except it eats the furniture and doesn’t love me very much!
Oh, he’s so boodiful!! (I love dogs, can you possibly tell?) And yes, they can be very hard work at first
.-= Hear Mum Roar’s last blog post is here ..Evening adventure =-.
Something about reading the line about puppy breath smelling like ass just reminded me of how, when I was very, very young, my grandmother had this teeny, tiny toy (or possibly teacup) poodle named Mademoiselle (but pronounced by all of us as “ma’amzell”) that she used to treat like a teeny, tiny, toy (or possibly teacup) human being. This behavior included brushing Mlle’s teeth *every* day, morning and night. She had trained the dog from a puppy on to sit quietly on the toilet (lid down) and allow her teeth to be brushed. I do not recall what sort of toothpaste she used back in the early 70s when they didn’t have such wondrous emporiums as PetCo and PetsMart, but I’m sure that now in the 10s there is a Doggy Dental Paste or twelve someplace on the shelves of such establishments.
FWIW, that dog had the best breath of any canine I’ve ever smelled. Better than some humans, even.
Barring that, you could hope and pray that Oliver really enjoys the taste of Puppermints……..
.-= Heather @ nobody-but-yourself’s last blog post is here ..Monday Musings =-.
This is exactly why I’m glad we’re allergic to all things furry. They are like having another baby, and I’m done having babies of my own in this house.
Yeah, puppies are too much like babies for me. Honestly? I’d rather have another baby. So we got a year old dog who was already house trained from the shelter.
Because DH doesn’t want to have another baby
.-= stacey@Havoc&Mayhem’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Oh that is too FUNNY!! Yep, you just summed up what it’s like to have a puppy. Very eloquently, too 🙂
.-= Kool Aid’s last blog post is here ..Hot Lava and kids =-.
So, maybe a puppy is not a good idea? But he is so cute. I am so confused.
.-= Jen’s last blog post is here ..Connections =-.
he is still as cute as ever
.-= Kelly W’s last blog post is here ..Today is my Birthday =-.
He’s adorable!
.-= Marlene’s last blog post is here ..Snowless Sunshine Tuesday =-.
Actually, there are diapers for little dogs – I have a friend whose dog wore them. Or you could likely make some out of puppy pads, or buy human newborn diapers and cut a tail hole in them.
Milk Bones help with breath issues.
The Bissell Spot Bot is the greatest invention ever for carpet issues. I own one.
I don’t approve of putting the dog in a crate. Put the dog in a room and put up a baby gate, if you must. Or do what my mom did, and let the dog sit in the bathroom while she was showering or on the potty. Things we think smell gross, smell great to a dog.
.-= Dee’s last blog post is here ..He’s Here! =-.
puppies are great to love
The first two weeks after we brought Addie home was probably two of the most miserable weeks of my life. I actually called the breeder and asked for a refund (which, she said she would gladly give me…). I think Addie knew I was threatening to give her back, though, because shortly after I called to get my refund, she rang her potty bell and went outside. It was the happiest moment of my life…
.-= Allison’s last blog post is here ..Mystery solved =-.
Too funny! Love your post! I have a 12-year old yellow lab, Zoe and a 5-year old mixed breed (chow, shepherd, lab), Brady. Got a kick out of seeing your puppy with the remote in his mouth. When Brady was a pup, he destroyed my remote control and redesigned my cell phone.
He’s adorable — enjoy him!
I imagine you carpet is not only scared, but also scarred!!!
.-= janmary, n ireland’s last blog post is here ..Jumping for joy (or because Mum asked!) =-.
Every vet I talk to says that crate training is really important–just in case he *has* to be in a crate later on. And boy does it save wear and tear on your furniture at night. I slept on the couch next to the pup for the first two weeks (after not sleeping at all the first two nights because of howling), and now he spends all night in his crate and behaves wonderfully. We give him a Kong with a tablespoon or so of peanut butter as we put him in the crate, and he loves it. After he’s a couple of years old and you trust him, then he can sleep out of the crate if he likes.
Tycho is in the shark teeth phase right now–he has two sets, because the baby ones are still in there, and the adult ones haven’t pushed them out yet, even though they’re about the same size. Toys/bones/moozles/rope cords are our friends. No furniture debacles yet.
I’m really glad to see your pup firmly ensconced in your heart… =) Big smiles!
.-= Heather T.’s last blog post is here ..New: Dillydally! =-.
what a tiny cutie!
That’s so cute 😀 I’ve always wanted a dog of my own, but I’ve accepted that I’ll never have one. But I think if I did have one I’d love it foreverz!! 😀 I’m prolly gonna need one though when it comes time for the boy to leave home. I will be so lonely.
.-= Jenny’s last blog post is here ..On the go! =-.
If it’s not those posting about babies, it’s puppies and now I want another (I have 2 large, hairy, drooly, stinky ones!). Your pup is soooo cute – good luck and have tons of patience LOL!
.-= Brittany’s last blog post is here ..Burning Up His Pockets =-.
“I now know what it feels like to have my own personal stalker.” hahahaha I totally get this! My two dogs think there is some secret escape hatch in the bathroom cos they are always trying to get in there with me! Unless it’s bathtime which they apparantely have a 6th sense about and steer clear. Crate training gets easier! Try putting a blanket over the crate
.-= Di’s last blog post is here ..Card Sketch March =-.
I want one. Sooo cute and cudly and hard work!
.-= nicóle’s last blog post is here ..Blue October “Should Be Loved” Video =-.
How cute! Enjoy!
I’m a cat person myself but have had dogs. I hate housebreaking, it’s the reason I wouldn’t get a puppy the last dog we had.
.-= valmg’s last blog post is here ..Momover – The New Mom’s Guide to Getting It Back Together – With Giveaway =-.
OMG! He is freaking ADORABLE! I want one! Love the picture of him with the remote, way too cute!
.-= Shop with Me Mama (Kim)’s last blog post is here ..Where The Jobs Are Now Book Review =-.
Haha! Seriously, I also think that puppies are easier to take care of. They are so cute also. This post makes me want to have a puppy again. Yours is so cute.
Having a puppy was worse than our son. Our dogs are 6 years old and still not potty trained…..plus they have destroyed everything in our house.
.-= Julie {Angry Julie Monday}’s last blog post is here ..Run Julie Run =-.
Awww, what an adorable puppy!!!
.-= Kristie’s last blog post is here ..WFMW: The 30 Day Shred Challenge =-.
I’m so glad I don’t have a dog lol. When you said “shoot your uterus across the room” I about did!
.-= hairstyles for girls’s last blog post is here ..Tritzy Gift Certificate Giveaway! =-.
awww so cute!!! Congrats!!
.-= Leah-Diaries of a Domestic Goddess’s last blog post is here ..Finally! Jon Gosselin Getting What He Deserves!! =-.
I remember getting our big ol pooch. They are members of the family. I am glad we tried out parenthood with him before my son. We learned a lot!
That pup is WAY too cute for words.
.-= Robin’s last blog post is here ..LeapFrog: Math Adventure to the Moon =-.
LOL I love your blog! Too funny! My hubby keeps trying to get us to get a dog- I say NO!!
.-= eve’s last blog post is here ..To my mother =-.
but he is sooooooo cute!!!
.-= Faythe@GMT’s last blog post is here ..WW/ 1st day out of the "cave"! =-.
My husband wants a puppy once we move into our new house. I’m going to make him read this.
I love dogs, but the thought of having a puppy scares the crap outta me.
.-= Katie’s last blog post is here ..Colorado School Won’t Allow Child of Lesbian Parents to Enroll =-.
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Thanks for the chuckle and the reminder why we haven’t got a puppy! We’d love one, but I think our children need to get a little older yet before I’d want to take it on. My mother always said that it’s like having another member in the family to care for, guess she’s right.
.-= Theresa’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
LMAO! How come getting a puppy or a dog means having this biggest case of buyers/adopters remorse? When we got our dog, I was ready to drop her back off at the rescue. I kept calling the hubby and telling him that he better come home now to say goodbye to the dog. Of course, she is still a devil and we live 1000 miles for where we got her. I guess that’s not too far to go to get back some sanity. Two years later and she still acts like that dumb puppy.
.-= Tickled Pink Twice’s last blog post is here ..Wordless Wednesday: Spring =-.
You have an adorable puppy, May I ask what breed is it? Now, I’m wanting to have a puppy of my own. I just got attracted by your puppy. 😀
Hey, I’m gonna link to this post tomorrow on my blog! I just love your sense of humor!
.-= Helene’s last blog post is here ..Tell me it isn’t so… =-.
Ha so true about the shower!!! He is a cutie. I would drop kick that thing if he ate my remote though! I love the smell of puppy breath!!!!! It’s the razor sharp teeth I could do without. Thanks for starting off my morning with a smile!
Stopping by from SITS, I’ll be back soon for sure!
Alex aka Ma, What’s For Dinner?
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
.-= Alex aka Ma, What’s For Dinner?’s last blog post is here ..Buffalo Chicken Pasta =-.
Aww, I love my “puppies” too! (they’re three years old now, so not puppies anymore although being Italian Greyhounds they’re still small and snuggly).
And yes, they do make diapers – I think they’re called belly bands. We got our dogs when they were older but dog #2 had a marking problem.
.-= Wendy (The Local Cook)’s last blog post is here ..Recipes from America’s Small Farms: A Book Review =-.
Oh my goodness puppies are so much work!!! I forget those days.
Puppy pads will be your best friend, and she/he will likely pee or poop on them.
That little pup is so cute!! I must be weird but I love puppy breath!
.-= Jenna @ Newlyweds’s last blog post is here ..Becoming Sarah Interview =-.
We got the little green machine and it SAVED us! We had three puppies within two years… one being a great dane!
.-= Jenn’s last blog post is here ..Project =-.
Freaking Cuteness! Just remember they grow out of babyhood faster than kids do…which means he’ll be humping things in no time. Enjoy.
Yeah, it is unbelievable how much you can love a little fur covered poop and pee machine. Not totally unlike a baby but they aren’t usually fur covered.
.-= Sandy’s last blog post is here ..The Amazing Women of World War II =-.
Stopping by from Helene’s blog….
Hilarious post. So true. Puppies are a bitch and a half to take care of, but so hard not to love. I bought two within 10 months… I must’ve been smoking the same thing you were. But your pup is SO cute! What is it?
Also, they sell diapers (err, my dog wears one. Don’t believe me, check this out: http://ficklewhitewoman.blogspot.com/2010/02/diapers-and-prozac.html) at PetSmart and PetCo. They make them for small puppies, too.
Thanks for the laugh!
Marianne
ficklewhitewoman.blogspot.com
Like babies, puppies are so damn cute, you can’t help but want them and love them. Even when you hate them.
That could be the cutest puppy ever. Just sayin’.
I’m a cat person, but God he looks cute. And soft!
And the whole poop thing wouldn’t be an issue here, because our carpet is so damn ugly that you wouldn’t see them on it.
Although you’d probably know about it when you stepped on them. Which wouldn’t be too cool.
.-= pixielation’s last blog post is here ..The tooth fairy wields a big stick =-.
I cannot believe I missed his homecoming!!!! What a cutie patootie!!! Our mini Dachshund was our first little dog and it was a *big* adjustment after years of big dogs with big bladders.
.-= Joy (Wingnut)’s last blog post is here ..Random Sunday Thoughts =-.
any advice on a puppy and a newborn at the same time?
My daughter is 5 weeks and the pup is 8 weeks… We have had her only a few days now.. it is a lot of work.. Shes not my dog, shes the hubby and my 8 year old sons… but when hubby is at work… i have her…
need help!!!!!