I suppose it’s no surprise that I always sucked at bumper cars

Remember last week? When I made an executive decision in which I deemed myself unfit to teach my sixteen year old daughter how to parallel park?

I’ve done it again! Made an executive decision, that is. Not parallel parked.

I’m never doing that again. So all you sidewalks and curbs and pedestrians out there? Unclench and relax.

Anyway, I hereby declare Executive Decision #2, to wit:

I  deem myself unfit to teach Zoe how to back into parking spaces guarded by mercenaries. You know, the kind who get their jollies by lying in wait, camouflaged as innocuous cement lamp posts? They stand perfectly still until they don’t. Then, without warning, they leap forward two feet and go all Rambo on your bumper and, in the process, scare the utter bejesus out of you in a desperate attempt to smear your unblemished driving record and deprive you of one of the most useful weapons in your arsenal against a husband who insists, despite numerous speeding tickets to the contrary, that he’s a better driver than you, ultimately leaving you with no choice but to go home and holler YES, NATE. THE LIGHT POST AMBUSHED ME. IT JUMPED OUT OF NOWHERE, RAPED MY BUMPER, LEFT ITS DNA AND SUCKED UP ALL MY BEJESUS. WHAT PART OF THAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?

You’re welcome, Zoe.



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9 thoughts on “I suppose it’s no surprise that I always sucked at bumper cars”

  1. Avatar

    Oh, I totally understand. I avoided teaching my eldest daughter how to drive quite successfully. Now my second daughter is wanting lessons. Agggh!!

  2. Avatar

    My parents found the money to pay someone to teach me how to drive after my dad nearly had a heart attack as I tried to merge into traffic on the highway while he was teaching me
    .-= stacey@Havoc&Mayhem’s last blog post is here ..Priceless? =-.

  3. Avatar

    Teaching my daughter to drive as well. She only does pull through parking LOL.
    And those cement baracades why do they use them?
    We had a truck and I was at a parking space, no on in front of me. So I figured I would just pull threw. Ummmm didn’t see that 3 ft by 5 ft cement blockage in front of me LOL.
    .-= Tracy’s last blog post is here ..Love that blog candy =-.

  4. Avatar

    LOL – I will be your witness! I have seen MANY lamp posts, parking baracades, gas
    pumps (yes, true story there! But it was my 16 yr old dtr not me) etc jump out for no apparent reason! So call if your dear hubby doesn’t believe you! WOMEN UNITE AGAINST VENGEFUL ‘INANIMATE’ OBJECTS! We all know they aren’t inanimate!
    .-= Marlene’s last blog post is here ..Collin and the STATE Chess Tournament =-.

  5. Avatar

    Love your blog! So much so that I’ve read every single post, right from May 7, 2008. In the last month, actually. So read this comment if you or your blog needs an ego boost someday.

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