I think the North Pole and Pier 1 were separated at birth

There are few places on this earth which make me hyperventilate and literally quiver with excitement at the mere thought of visiting:

  1. San Francisco
  2. New York City
  3. My bathroom
  4. Anderson Cooper’s lap
  5. Pier 1

I’ve been fortunate enough to visit both #1 and #2 this year which was so much damn fun, I can’t even begin to tell you. And thanks to the rotting, battered, decrepit piece of crap that is my personal waste management system, I’ve practically moved into #3 where I’ve done so much #1 and #2 of a totally different sort, which was so not fun, I can’t even begin to tell you that either.

Unless you want me to? Because I’ve got nothing to blog about this week so … maybe?

Let me know.

As for #4, I’m still working on it. Stupid restraining orders.

This past weekend, I visited #5. I adore Pier 1. Adore it. I’d move in there if I didn’t think my family would find me in less than thirty minutes and drag me away to make them dinner. How is it that they have an uncanny ability to hunt me down, no matter how far away I’ve run? I’m beginning to wonder if I came equipped with GPS. If and when I ever meet The Big Guy, this is definitely going to be included on my list of discussion topics called WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, right after ultra low rise jeans, fat free cheese and Jon Gosselin.

Pier_1_table

I’ve had my eye on this at Pier 1 for awhile now. I have no idea what I’d do with it. I just like it. It’s funky and colorful and different.

Come to think of it, those are the three criteria guaranteed to send Nate hurtling toward psychosis.

Not that that’s any incentive, mind you!

At least, not consciously.

Subconsciously? That’s possibly a definite maybe.

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Pier_1_dresser

I like this one too, for pretty much the same reasons.

And it’s bigger!

Go big or go home, if you ask me!

No one ever asks me.

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Pier_1_rug

I’d like that one even better if it were sitting on this rug.  I can see both the dresser and this rug in my dining room. Quite clearly, in fact, because there’s nothing else in my dining room to obscure my view, like a table or chairs. But that’s OK because I’d be perfectly content to simply stand on this rug and admire that dresser without any additional distractions. Besides, if I had a table and chairs in there, people might sit down and actually expect me to feed them.

I’ve got enough of that nonsense going on in the kitchen. No need to let it spread to the rest of the house, like some hideous, infectious disease from which there is no recovery.

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Pier_1_christmas_tree2

But what I LOVE LOVE LOVE the most about Pier 1 is their holiday decor!

Every year, I look forward to their Christmas trees.

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Pier_1_christmas_tree

They are literally STUFFED with happy.

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Pier_1_christmas_tree3

Nate doesn’t like them because they’re gaudy and don’t look like trees. In fact, he doesn’t even believe there’s an actual tree under there. He thinks the North Pole had an orgy with Las Vegas and this here is their bastard spawn.

I love the man, but he’s in serious need of a Ho Ho Ho adjustment.

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Pier_1_christmas_tree4

It’s the absolute excess of these trees that I love! The sheer overkill. The utter, enormous, exorbitant extravagance of them!

For the record, I’m all for unprotected sex between consenting hedonistic geographical regions.

And adjectives that start with vowels.

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Pier_1_snowman_ornament

I want these ornaments.

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Pier_1_santa_ornament

And these.

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Pier_1_owl_ornament

I’m on the fence with the owls, though. They don’t look very Christmas-y to me. Then again, I have a thing about owls. Did you know that my mom used to collect owls? And that I bought her this really pretty owl sculpture for her birthday one year, when I was young and had no taste? And that I caught her trying to sell it at a garage sale over fifteen years ago? And that for the past fifteen years, I’ve never let her forget that she tried to sell a symbol of my love for $1.00 or best offer?

I told this little story to the sales clerk and she looked at me funny and then backed away. Slowly.

Obviously, she has no idea what I went through.

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Pier_1_stockings

These high heeled stockings remind me of my younger, carefree days. Stick them on some shapely legs under a shorty short black leather mini skirt, take a picture and you’ve got yourself a photographic memoir of my ill spent youth.

I miss the eighties.

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Pier_1_snowman

I love this guy. He reminds me of my vertebrae, only taller. And more festive.

Next time I go to Pier 1, I’m going to take out a loan and buy one of those trees. And maybe I’ll get lucky and score a few of those stockings too. And after I pester Nate to put the tree up in our living room, maybe I’ll try those stockings on before hanging them on the mantle. Who knows? Maybe Nate will get lucky himself and score something as well.

And finally get his Ho Ho Ho adjustment after all.

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44 thoughts on “I think the North Pole and Pier 1 were separated at birth”

  1. Ok, that last comment is just too crass for words. Too bad I found it enormously hilarious. And oh, that rug! If it were under my kitchen table (which is the only table we have to eat on, mind you) I could just curl up in the middle and no one would know I was there. The cats and I could just bliss out… =)

  2. Love those stockings! Too funky and fun! As for the 80s, I swear my 18yo daughter has started wearing my old clothes – little denim skirts and off the shoulder, oversized t-shirts with bold pastel or stripey patterns. Doesn’t she realize I’ve been there and it’s all so passé?! Or does my thinking need adjustment, too?!

  3. I have never seen Christmas stockings with killer heels before!

    I think I have also found a MUST VISIT store for our trip to US next summer. Our home exchange is finalised (I hope) – heading to Boston and Cape Cod.

  4. The first time I felt like a real, functioning adult was the time I went into Pier 1 and bought something NOT on sale and it cost more than $20! I was excited beyond rational thought. I still have those hand-blown Mexican water glasses, too!

  5. Those are some awesome stockings. I have to stay away from Pier 1 because it is the site of most of my best/worst Martha Stewart moments, when I forget exactly who’s life I am living and buy a bunch of stuff that just will not work in reality at all. I love that christmas tree & if I stand in front of it my imaginary life will take over and I will buy it. Or at least some of the ornaments.

  6. Ha ha – with Nate when it comes to the tree! Like MOST of the other stuff though….and PLEASE dont go into any more detail about your inner workings – not today…. or tomorrow! Feeling a bit delicate!

  7. I love the photos too, did they give you any trouble when you took them.

    I love Christmas, I love decorations and everything. Aww, I love this time of year

  8. This is exactly why I never go in there. I would seriously try to come home with the whole store. It’s definitely the overkill of those trees that makes me fall in love with them too though.

  9. Their holiday selection is beautiful. I love so many of the things in that store. My only complaint is that I can’t afford anything. I do often wonder though if some of the stuff would look to crazy for my house…but it looks so great in the store!

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  11. So as I am reading this I am pictureing you wondering around Pier 1 taking pictures of everything while the same sales lady is probbaley laughing at you behind your back…that or calling security! i share your love for the Pier 1 and dont hate me but my sis in law actually works there so i get doscounts…woo hoo! love the blog

  12. now your passing out the koolaide. your such an enabiler.. lmbo. I did have a whistful moment at the stockings. I really could drive to pier 1 now and go buy one. do you not get stalked when you walk around in the store with a camera? they always look at me like Im taking photos to remind myself what i should come back and steal!

  13. There may very well *not* be a tree in there. You’d never know.

    Are you the kind of person who cares about typos? I don’t recall. If you do, I think that “hurdling” should be “hurtling.” If you don’t care, then please disregard this.

    (I love the way you write!)

  14. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, right after ultra low rise jeans, fat free cheese and Jon Gosselin.” OMG! You are hilarious! Where have you been all of my bloggy life?! You have an awesome writing style, totally digging your blog!

  15. Ooh, now I’m practically leaping out of my skin to go to Pier 1! I used to go there all the time back in the “good old days that weren’t really good” when I was single and childless and making a good salary. I LOVED it. Cost Plus Imports, too. I could live in either of those places and be perfectly happy. I love that funky chest thing. And the holiday decor – almost gets me in the mood!

  16. Oh my gosh. I wish I had not come here to visit tonight. Now I MUST go to Pier 1 tomorrow. Must. Must. Must! I feel like a druggie that needs a fix! Those santa ornaments are the best!

    I am sorry about the restraining order… Hope it is lifted soon! : )

  17. Did you know men are genetically programmed to loath Pier 1?

    it’s true -ask any of us…..

    I actually will always have a slightly fond place in my heart for Pier 1 because it was outside of a Pier 1 in Rochester NY that Jenn and I had our first wicked fight. (and luckily not many more after that)

    Stan at Scrappers Workshop

  18. I think Pier 1 used to be called The Pier in the UK but it sadly went bust last Christmas – and I do really miss it (not least because I now can’t drop any more plates, bowls, glasses etc because there’s nowhere to find replacements!)

  19. The owls, the owls! I have to find them and own them. Well to give gifts for my daughter and son-in-law who love owls. The tree! I’d be drooling if I were to walk past a Pier 1. Never been before. Now I must find one and never leave.

  20. Does anyone know where I can find the snowman in the last photo? They are from
    Christmas 2009. I went to by one at the after Christmas sale last year and they were
    gone. I would love to find one!!

    Tami

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