I will be a virgin no more!

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

You do know that I’m married with children, right?

And no, my name is not Peg and I’m not married to Al and my last name does not rhyme with … hmmm.

Here’s Blank. I just drew him.

blank-character

What rhymes with Bundy anyway?

Nevermind.

I’m married with children, right? Two girls? One’s a teenager? So I take deflowering very seriously and the only deflowering going on in this house better be when I throw out the umpteenth African Violet that I’ve managed to kill. Because otherwise? Don’t even bother shooting me as I’m sure the brain aneurysm I’ll have will do the job nicely and in a much neater fashion.

So in order to clarify: soon, as in … by the end of this post … I will no longer be a virgin in a strictly “blog giveaway” sense.

That’s right!

I’m about to offer my very first blog giveaway. I’ve been blogging for almost nine months now. That’s just about long enough to conceive and gestate a little human being and to celebrate the fact that I no longer conceive and gestate little human beings, I thought I’d do a giveaway.

My uterus is doing the happy dance all over my office as I type. It’s a little distracting, I must say.

Once upon a time, I made these:

magnet1

magnet1a

They’re two inch square magnets, designed by Moi when I had my custom digital design business.

Ha! I used the word Moi! Somebody call my mother and tell her those three years of French class and that trip to France in my junior year finally paid off.

The set below was created with photos I took one year from the Rochester Lilac Festival. If I had a better camera instead of my DSLRTCALOM (my dslr that I lovingly refer to as Damn Stupid Little Ratshit That Cost A Lot Of Money), then maybe my photo wouldn’t be out of focus and you’d actually be able to tell that the magnets spell out b*l*o*o*m.

Maybe I should just shut up and pretend that it’s crystal clear. That way I could loudly exclaim, “What do you mean, blurry? I think you should go get your eyes checked. And I think you should bring me back a donut.”

Maybe I should just shut up.

magnet3

magnet3a

I love these magnets. They’re ultra thick and durable and I had to stop Zoe from hanging Helena up on the fridge with them one day. I’m the only one allowed to hang people up in this house. Apparently, Zoe never got that memo..

magnet4

magnet4a

I think I was channeling someone named Vinnie Boombotz when I created this set. Either that, or the Sopranos threw up all over my muse.

I’m not sure..

magnet5

magnet5a

Each magnet comes encased in its own protective plastic wrapping.

I’ve ordered a bubbled version of this protective wrapping so that I can wrap up Zoe like a mummy in hopes of warding off any more broken bones.

Then again, she’d probably be allergic to it and go into anaphylactic shock and we’d be right back in the hospital.

Decision, decisions..

magnet2

magnet2a

Oh, come on! The tin clearly says “retro, funky, groovy.” What do you mean, blurry? I think you should go get your eyes checked. And I think you should bring me back a donut.

This is simply to give you a sense of their size. It’s my former business card.

magnet6

That’s Helena there. On my business card, lest you think I was describing Helena as “blah.”

As if.

Helena is so far from blah that you can’t even see her from there.

And I know that makes no sense but I’m going to pretend it does because I don’t feel like retyping it.

I thought I’d give away two of these magnet sets, winners’ choice. I have two each of the Bloom, Blah and Funky. I have one Bada Bing and one Ho.

I wish I had two Ho’s. Then I’d have a HoHo.

I’m hungry.

Here’s the scoop:

  • To enter, leave a comment in this post telling me if you like them or hate them or can’t make up your mind or there was this one time in band camp …
  • I’ll randomly select two winners. Those of you who are familiar with my blog know that I tend to be a bit random on occasion.
  • Hugh Hefner is a wrinkly, dirty old man.
  • This is my first giveaway so please, I beg you … don’t enter more than once because that will make my head hurt and spin off my body. I won’t be able to take Helena to gymnastics without a head and then she’ll be mad.
  • Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t show up right away. I have no idea why, but some need approval and it just means I’m laptopless and can’t approve a comment immediately. Mark my words, this will be the only kind of topless I will ever be in my life. You’re welcome.
  • No entries after 2:00 pm eastern time on Saturday because that’s when I’ll be busy yelling at Nate to get his cute butt into the shower because we have a wedding to go to that night. He won’t comply until 4:25 pm which is five minutes before we have to leave, but that’s another post entirely.
  • I’ll announce the winners on my Sunday Regurgitation post.

Sound good?

Let the giveaway begin!

Excuse me while I go tackle my uterus.

.

.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest

85 thoughts on “I will be a virgin no more!”

  1. These are way awesome, Andy! I really love them. I think my favorite is “blah” =) I don’t have a sarcastic bone in my body. *giggles* (I’m not being sarcastic about thinking that the magnets are fun, pretty, and great design, though). Please put me in the hat! (well, my name, that is). Thank you!

  2. Now, being a Rochesterian, I am, obviously, a huge fan of the Lilac Festival. (Well, I’m just huge in general, but that doesn’t really have any relevance here, plus I’ve lost 2 pounds this week thanks to my New Year’s Resolution and going to the gym four days in a row so far…) I think the BLOOM magnets, therefore, are the shizzle. (I hope I’m using that right – I mean I like them a lot. I am most likely entirely too old to try and sound hip, I know. I’m just practicing for the age to come when my daughter is old enough that she no longer thinks I am cool, but rather an embarrassment by my very presence. I figure I have a few more years of coolness yet…)

    I also adore the Ho ones except they’d in all likelihood stay on my fridge year round, because, let’s face it, I’m not nearly organized enough to remember to remove the seasonal magnets from the fridge.

    Anyhow, congrats on doing your first giveaway! I did my own back in December and it is a fairly painless exercise. Imagine that – painless exercise! Isn’t that an oxymoron?

    Okay, off to take the kid to the bus and my hugeness to the gym. Yee-ha.

  3. Oh wow! Those are amazing! So neat! The “Bada Bing Bada Boom” ones made me crack up, and I haven’t even finished my first cup of coffee yet, so that is truly a feat!

  4. VERY cute!! I love them! Can I trade you a set of magnets for an otherwise-sweet cat that is currently voicing her opinion in the living room and driving me nuts??? πŸ™‚

  5. These are awesome- and I am so not a magnet on my refrigerator- like I need to be hanging out there more- person. But these, I would allow. And high up, so only I could reach them.

  6. Oh I love them!! I have made the marble magnets (which are always a huge hit!), but never like these, or packaged so beautifully!

    And yes, Hugh IS a wrinkly old man. But (hanging my head) I am hopelessly addicted to Girls Next Door, as much as it creeps me out at times lol

  7. Sadly, I *do* need glasses. Bifocals. And am very anxiously waiting for them to come in because I am tired of everything being blurry. Once I do though, I will know if your pics really ARE blurry or not πŸ˜‰ Love the Bloom set – I always take a gazillion pics at the Lilac Fest and have of those come out blurry, come to think of it… New camera this year though, so maybe that will make the difference with better macros… You subbing for Bunco tonight? πŸ™‚

  8. I love your magnets! Why did you stop making them?? This is the first time that I’ve seen your blog and I’m adding it to my bookmarks!

    PS I agree with you 100% on Hugh! lol

    Have a great Friday!

  9. Those are all so cool, you have impressive talent! I really enjoy your blog, and congrats on having your first giveaway. Thanks for the chance to win!

  10. Jacinda Andrews

    Andy I stumbled on your blog one day while at work, loved it, bookmarked it, and now I check it daily (religiously) to catch your new posts. Your writing is amazing, your ability to tell a story is phenomenal and based on what I’ve read…you’r ability to be a mom, a wife, a daughter, a homemaker, a blogger and whatever other role you play in life is truly something to be admired. Hey, you’re even crafty!! Love the magnets and would also REALLY love to be the winner of your first give-away. What a great conversation-starter they would be…Keep up the great work, and please know this…your blog brings a lot of joy to me and many, many others. By the way, if I am lucky enuf to win the magnets I’m gonna use them to hold up the daily planner calender on my fridge, too – an idea I’ve taken from you and from your blog, of course!

  11. i love reading your posts! you are under my file entitled “random bits of loveliness” in my art files. see? i knew that you were random and lovely before i even started reading you regularly!!! i love the magnets. must say i am partial to the blah, blah, blah and badda, bing, badda, boom although the retro, funky, groovy certainly inspires as well. however, with a 12 year old in the house i am thinking blah, blah, blah totally hits the mark!

    Olwyn

  12. Ummmmm, yeah. I think that you were in my head there for a minute. You write like I think. Scary stuff.

    Personally, I love them all. Be hard to choose…

  13. Wow. Love ’em all. It’s not often that I get to deflower a junkie, let alone a creative one. And on a Friday too. Ahh..life is good.

  14. Wow….these are GREAT! I love the “Bloom” one, and the “HoHo” one also, and and and actually I liked them all!

    I’d love to find out how you created them…maybe I can do it???

  15. As usual, your post cracked me up! I love the Blah Blah Blah ones, cause I’m ALWAYS telling DH that, that is all he hears when I talk to him. He nods his head with that up and down palsy thing he has going on, but never listens. he only hears “blah blah blah”. Sometimes I throw the word “BOOBS” in just to get a reaction. It works.
    Oh, back to the giveaway — I LOVE EM!!

  16. OOH OOH pick me pick me!!! those are gorgeous!!! I think i like the blah blah blah ones and the bloom ones…or the ho ho ho ones or the bada bing bada boom…tough decision!

  17. Andrea love the magnets – can’t pick a favorite. All are great. Once again a blog that keeps me in stitches. Always looking forward to the next one.

  18. Are you kidding, I love these, so cute. The Blah ones are my fav with the bloom ones a close second but they are all so cute.

  19. Okay just stumbled across your blog and it almost got me fired. No really..it did. I’m hovering very close to my monitor so that my nosey bossy boss won’t see that I’m not actually working and I let out a snort so loud that she snuck up behind me to make sure I was alright! Geeze thanks! Anyways back on track I looooooooooooooooooooove these, they are very pretty and well the Blah ones fit me to a T. Although I’m not really sure how a T should fit…or what one really is to be totally honest with you. But still they fit πŸ™‚ Thanks for the chance. And I’ve book marked your blog, you know just in case I’m feeling extra brave and wanting to risk the chopping block! Have a great weekend. πŸ™‚

  20. I love the bloom magnets. Blurry can be an art form, so I think I can get away with not bringing you a donut if I give you flattery instead. Besides, the donut will be really stale by the time I get there since I live 2000 miles away. I’ve never been to band practice and if I did go they’d kick me out because I don’t play any instruments well, although I could probably play any of them badly. But, because I also really like the Bada Bing set, I will say there was this one time in the car when my 5 year old said about my 7 year old that we should just let her live at school and that I wouldn’t miss her because I’d still have him. And that he knew I loved him more than her, anyway. So why not? Beyond that, I won’t decide between the two till I win and just say I hope I do win so I can decide on something more interesting that what to fix for dinner.

  21. They are so cute! And would look so nice on my fridge…then I can get rid of my cheesy magnet advertising the apartment complex I live in!

  22. Love all the magnets and would love to see them on my refrigerator. If I could find the refrigerator, under all the magnets and stuff.

  23. oh i LOVE them…and your blog. you sound like…well…me. seriously. love it here!! is that being slightly narcissistic? did i even spell that right?
    ok…anyway…
    those magnets are too cute. i’ll start writing my acceptance speech…

  24. I sooooo love the magnets. I’ve collected magnet for years now. I started when my kids were young. Now they are older and I have 2 married. They use to stand in front of the fridge with their friends. One person would turn their head while the other person removed a magnet off the fridge. The person who turned their head tried to guess which magnet was missing. YES, they were bored a lot, but had fun. I’d love the BLAH BLAH BLAH or the BADA BING BADA BOOM. They are all FUN! Thank you for sharing.

  25. I saw your post @ DST and of course the title got me so I had to come see what it was about. Well I’ve been laughing for the last 15 minutes. I have to add you to my blogroll. Although I will next time make sure I relieve my bladder ahead of time before I begin reading.

    I personally think all of them are great. My fave are the groovy and the “Soprano’s”. The “blah” would totally work too.

  26. 74 posts already! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You made it sound like you were so unpopular on 2Peas! I ran over here in hopes of hitting the jackpot! The odds are against me, but I’m entering anyway. I love your magnets…SUPER CUTE….and I’m SUPER untalented, therefore I couldn’t make any of my own and it is imperative to my childs artwork that I win these!

  27. Love the magnets…love the blog! Now I have ANOTHER blog to check out every day. I think I need a job reading blogs all day. Do you think one exists?

  28. OMG, I didn’t read the other posts, but you are so FUNNY! I almost spit my coffee on my screen! Thanks for the uplifter this morning!
    I love your magnets! Why oh why did you stop designing? I really like the bada boom bada bing magnets and the and I have to say the blah ones, aren’t so blah, i LOVE them! Thanks for the opportunity and so glad you can claim unvirginness! Thanks!

  29. Pingback: Giving away magnet tins on my blog | thecreativejunkie.com

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *