If she follows in my footsteps, I hope she treads carefully
Last Friday, we took a trip to SUNY @ Geneseo because it’s on Zoe’s list of potential colleges.
Hello, my alma mater!
Can I call it my alma mater if I only spent my freshman year there because I came down with a massive case of stupid before my sophomore year and screwed up my life for the next couple of years and ultimately wound up graduating from SUNY @ Brockport instead? Which was fine because I liked Brockport well enough but I adored Geneseo and one of my biggest regrets in life is that I graduated from a college that I would have dated and maybe even slept with had I been drunk enough but never, ever would have considered marrying. For the record, I’d have married Geneseo in a heartbeat, even while totally sober.
Is this post getting weird for anyone else?
God, I wish they’d come up with a vaccine for stupid. Then I would have graduated from Geneseo and wouldn’t have typed anything remotely resembling an admission to having drunken sex with an entire institution of higher learning. Only its architecture and geography and daily life, not its students, mind you. Just in case any of you were shouting ANDY, YOU IGNORANT SLUT at your monitors.
If you’re not familiar with classic Saturday Night Live, then this post is probably getting even weirder for you.
This was Josh, our tour guide. You can’t tell from this photo but he was smart, witty and absolutely adorable. Barring any unforeseen results from a background check, a DNA test and a quick streaming of seasons 1-3,897 of America’s Most Wanted through Netflix, he’s exactly who I’d like Zoe to date while she’s in college.
I like to think I caught him in mid “Would you go out with me, Zoe? But only after you’re done with your papers and studying for your exams. And only if you don’t like to drink or do drugs or have premarital sex. We can sit on the hill and watch the sunset and at no time will my hands or any other part of my body come into contact with your hands or any other part of your body.”
This is a massive periodic table of elements decorating a wall in their science building.
I yelled LOOK! GIANT SCRABBLE!
Zoe and Helena quickly hurried after Nate who was already out the door.
It’s lonely being me.
This is the new science center at Geneseo. Isn’t it purty? It wasn’t around when I went there. Neither was electricity.
It was spring break when we were visiting so this dining hall was actually empty.
Ergo, I did not take the above picture.
You could probably deduce that on your own but I like to be helpful. Besides, it’s not often I get to use the word “ergo.” I love that word. Makes me sound smart! And a bit snooty.
The different food stations were pretty impressive. Everything from Asian to Italian to vegan to traditional diner fare. Let me tell you, when I went to Geneseo, they didn’t have nearly as many options for food as they do now.
It was pretty hard to cook without electricity way back then.
The infamous Seuss Spruce in the quad! I bet late at night, after the bars shut down, this tree looks perfectly straight!
Again, it’s lonely being me.
The College Union with all the flags representing the countries at which Geneseo students have studied abroad.
I see Greece!
I think everyone should have the chance to go back to college in their forties, when they’re old enough to really appreciate all the opportunities it offers. I mean, c’mon … show me a twenty year old who is going to recognize the value of being able to wake up in Mykonos and order hot, meaty dolmades with avgolemono sauce all over them for breakfast? Without having to wake up in Southern Pines, pretend that it’s Mykonos and ask your eighty year old mom to make them for breakfast, only to have her yell HELLO? I’M EIGHTY YEARS OLD. HERE’S SOME TOAST.
Oh, and there’s also that thing about appreciating the opportunity to study the geography, history and culture of another country as well.
But mostly, when you’re in your premenopausal forties, it’s about the food.
The Director of Admissions was nice enough to take this photo of us. I’m going to send it in with Zoe’s application to remind her of the strong family unit that stands behind Zoe, ready to support her in her academic endeavors.
Good thing she didn’t offer to take our picture ten seconds later because then I’d have to remind her of the dysfunctional family unit that argues with one another because one member wanted to run all over campus and take a lot more photos and her kids and husband just wanted to eat lunch.
Zoe said she wanted to go to Geneseo because she liked their hoodies and sweatpants and these water bottles …
… and the fact that a Starbucks was immediately accessible.
Oh, and something about its excellent academic record.
I love that my girl has her priorities in order.
I teached her good!
We went up into the village for lunch and I recognized the bronze bear statue on Main Street from my college days! Legend has it that if a virgin ever graduates from Geneseo, this bear will climb down off the fountain and run away forever.
I guess it’s a good thing I never did graduate from Geneseo! The residents would have really missed their bear.
alsldkfowoita ooiwieras sls a owiers apwoitaspp vlwoieur apsoei.
Sorry. My fingers were laughing hysterically.
Oh my God.
*insert all kinds of flashbacks*
The Vital and the IB (In Between) were the two main bars in Geneseo back in the eighties. I can’t even tell you how much time I spent at them between 1985 and 1986. I can’t tell you because I can’t remember. Hangovers will do that to you.
To this day, I can’t even hear Mr. Mister’s Broken Wings without being bombarded by strobe lights and tasting shots of Sex on the Beach in my mouth and automatically checking to make sure no one is rubbing up against me, spreading some communicable disease on the back of my shirt.
These places would be a precursor to that whole mess of stupid that befell me right before my sophomore year.
Zoe is not going to be allowed anywhere near these places if she goes to Geneseo, even if I have to install an invisible fence all around her body.
In fact, I blindfolded her before I took her out on Main Street.
Gotta love the initiative of the young, broke, college student.
Zoe didn’t leave her phone number because she couldn’t see to write, what with the blindfold and all.
While Zoe is aware that it’s completely up to her which college to attend, provided we can afford it, I can’t lie … I hope she chooses Geneseo. It’s one of the best SUNY schools and it holds a sentimental place in my heart.
And if she does choose Geneseo, her father Dave, Nate, Helena, her fiance Josh and I will all attend her graduation and clap enthusiastically and I’ll take loads of pictures as she walks across the stage and receives her diploma and summa cum laude honors.
And I’ll make sure to get a crisp, clear shot of that little bronze bear scampering off into the wild blue yonder.