Just a few odds and ends. Probably more odd than end.

The girls’ bathroom remains in transition. The new tub is in and the tile has been grouted but the floor is torn up and the vanity looks like that dead sperm whale that spontaneously exploded in Taiwan a few years ago. I want Nate to replace the vanity, remove the soffit above it and cover the wall with big pieces of broken tile butted up against two large pieces of mirror in the shape of trapezoids. Nate wants me to go far away.

In the meantime, we’re all sharing the master bathroom which means Nate gets to shower in the company of 53 various bottles of girly body wash, shaving gel, shampoo and conditioner, all of which he avoids like the clap because he doesn’t feel like explaining to his boss why he’s walking around smelling like fruit salad.

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Remember the $140 juicer Nate bought? It was delivered, opened and promptly stowed away in our hall closet until such time as WHO THE HELL KNOWS?

If this photo could talk, it would be screaming I TOLD YOU SO.

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A long time ago, I posted about Bar Keepers Friend.

Can I just say again how much I love this stuff?

Why yes, yes I can.

I have a small skillet that apparently suffers from Ethnic Identity Disorder – it was born 100% stainless steel but insists that it is half Black.

This is the skillet after soaking it for thirty minutes in hot, sudsy Dawn water, rubbing it raw with a brillo pad and Soft Scrub and having it go a few rounds with the power washer Nate uses to clean our deck.

I also yelled at it for twenty minutes straight but that seemed to have no effect whatsoever.

Kind of like my kids.

This is the skillet after five minutes of hanky panky with Bar Keepers Friend.

I know!

No, I am not a paid spokesman for Bar Keepers Friend. Although wouldn’t that be nice? If it works this well on a skillet, can you imagine what buckets of the stuff could do for my putrid, shitty, scorched bladder?

I want a shiny bladder for Christmas.

Heads up, Santa.

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Zoe is walking around with $600 stuck onto her eyeballs. That’s because she came down with a particularly nasty eye infection from contacts last year, necessitating new glasses and a frequent flier pass to the opthamologist so this year, it was highly recommended for us to try Acuvue TruEye which goes for approximately six zillion times the cost of regular contacts.

I about had a heart attack when we purchased these damn things from 1-800-Contacts at Walmart. I about had two more when my $100 rebate form was rejected by Acuvue because apparently, Walmart does not participate in their rebate program, a little fact that the manager of the Walmart optical department neglected to tell me.

Reason #1,366,349 why I despite Walmart.

Also, item #749 in my arsenal that I like to call STUFF I CAN YELL OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD TO REMIND MY KIDS WHY IT’S KIND OF SHITTY OF THEM TO STICK ME IN AN OLD AGE HOME WHEN I TURN FIFTY.

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This is a jar of hot pepper jelly from my friend Barb who was nice enough to post her recipe here. It came in the mail yesterday and I loved the color so much, I ran right out to my driveway to take a shot of it and make my neighbors call each other up and whisper She’s at it again. Poor thing.

Isn’t it gorgeous? I don’t want to open it. I want to keep it by my kitchen window and let the morning sunlight filter through it so I can stare at it instead of at confused skillets. But I’m married to man who can sense hot, spicy things across three time zones and he called me from the airport in Chicago and yelled I’M SO EATING THAT WHEN I GET HOME and then hung up.

It took me a second to realize he was referring to the pepper jelly and not me.

Because apparently, my own hotness and spiceness is not detectable past eastern standard time.

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30 thoughts on “Just a few odds and ends. Probably more odd than end.”

  1. Ooooooh! it’s the pepper jelly! I agree that the color is really cool. Lucky for me, I can eat the goodies that remain in the jar in my fridge, while keeping another jar in the driveway waiting for the best light in which to be photographed in it’s habenero glowing glory!

  2. I love Bar Keeper’s Friend too. Someone should just make Dawn dish detergent infused with it for stainless cookware (and then pay me lots for that idea).

    The juicer picture would’ve been better with a Chia pet on either side of it. You could probably win every argument ever with that one picture.

    1. Creative Junkie

      OMG – you are so right! Dammit – why didn’t I think of that?

      I could have dressed one of the chia pets in the $25 Shihpoo Buffalo Bills Jersey as well.

      Dammit.

  3. Where, oh where did you find that horrifying picture of the whale? Do I even want to know? I can’t decide what is more insane… that it spontaneously exploded, or that they were parading it around the city on a flatbed tractor like that. I can’t imagine walking down the street and watching a whale trucked by. And then explode…

    I’m sorry, I read the rest of the post but it’s all a blur. A weird Moby-Dick-macabre-nightmarish blur.

    ((The color of that jelly is really pretty though. Much prettier than whale guts.))

  4. I will probably have fallen through the floor of the master bathroom by Christmas; we have that juicer but our is yelling “I told you so” from the pantry floor-which is NOT falling through); and I discovered Bar Keepers Friend last year from our married daughter’s wonderful Mother-in-law and I LOVE IT! Love your blog too!

  5. Take the juicer and put it on eBay. Do you still have the box? You can recoup at least part of the money.

    After wearing contacts for 30 years I developed terrible eye allergies to everything associated with contacts and now I just wear glasses. Life is easier. I also have short gray hair and glasses and I look like a librarian. Ten years ago I would’ve cared; now I don’t.

    If you want a laugh, click on the link to my Bad Date Stories website. I just updated it.

    Where did you find the Barkeeper’s Friend?! Not sharing that information is so cruel….

  6. I look for that Barkeepers stuff every now & then at various stores around here. But like Lawry’s Guacamole mix and the evil dip, it has vanished from stores.

    You know, if you kept the box, you can resell the juicer on ebay for what you paid for it. Probably Nate would never notice it was gone

  7. Dude, I thought the red pepper jelly was your urine sample. I thought you had a lot more wrong with you then a bladder infection, there’s shit floating in that jar! But then, I read and realized it was jelly. Phew. So glad your innards aren’t on the outside right now. 🙂

  8. Pingback: Tweets that mention Bar Keepers Friend, Walmart & other bits of randomosity | thecreativejunkie.com -- Topsy.com

  9. Wow! Beautiful jelly & skillet (and you in the skillet, heh)! Amazing hunk of a juicer (does Nate even know how expensive it is to pour 5 lbs of oranges into one juice glass?)! Actually I think you should put it under his pillow every night. And I’m sorry about the contacts. My eyes did the same thing, and yep, now I wear glasses all the time. It’s not so bad.

  10. LMAO
    No one blinks an eye when I take photos anymore, I took a pic of our pizza because when I cut into the pepperoni it was in a shape like a heart, yours is so much prettier and tastier as well.
    That fry pan is beautiful. Ya I have issues with perfection
    Hope your daughter feels better. My eyes are watering just thinking about it.

  11. LOVE LOVE LOVE Barkeeper’s Friend, but our craptastic Walmart, which used to be the only place I could find it in this hell-hole in the middle of nowhere has stopped carrying it. I nearest place I can get it is over an hour away. **digs out the Visa and pulls up Amazon.com**

    That stuff is the only thing that takes off the cooked on burnt bits of crap off of my flattop stove too. That useless scraper and “polish” that came with my stove went straight in the trash as soon as I found BKF. 🙂

  12. Hate, hate, hate Walmart! From the lame, no-social-skills paint “Associate” who if she had to crack a smile at me, I’m sure her butt would fall off, she’s pulled that tight…. to the almost, but not quite (because I’d report them in an instant) rolling their eyes at me and my price-matching ads, checkers (Hey! It’s your job, do it with a smile “Sweetheart.”) Not to mention corporate pulling from the shelves products that are on a wonderful sale so they dont’ have to price match. (Fine! I’ll do all my shopping somewhere else then too. And you can put my cart-full of groceries away.)
    And their gross produce that spoils as soon as I exit the store!

    Just a few of my millions of reasons I hate Walmart also!

  13. Your posts always make me smile. That is a beautiful colored jelly. Those contacts are crazy ridiculous! I take it they are not throw away?

  14. So funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We get Bar Keeper’s friend at the grocery store. But I like Bon Ami better, because it hasn’t scratched yet. I think it’s really the same stuff though.

    Good luck with getting a new bladder for Christmas!!!!! That doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request. And avoid all those smelly bath things too. They’re icky and I don’t think the bathtub every really gets a very good scrubbing once they start to reproduce , ’cause who wants to move all those bottles every time? (I assume they reproduce – all I know for certain is that the girls’ bathroom always seem to have way more bottles than anyone without two or three jobs could possibly have purchased)

    1. Ooops! That wasn’t actually supposed to read as an imperative!!!!!

      I meant to say, “And *****I***** avoid all those smelly bath things too.” not “And avoid all those smelly bath things too”. Ooops!!!!! Actually, you can do whatever you want to the bath things. But I tend to avoid them more like the plague than the clap. But that’s only because that’s how I know the expression.

  15. Confession – yet to buy Barkeepers Friend but it is calling my name EVEN LOUDER now!

    Ps – with reference to your comment on my blog – DON’T YOU DARE – I could not afford the therapy to replace you 🙂

  16. LOL love the picture of the juicer. Hmm, maybe you should suggest an all juicer thanksgiving and see how that goes over!

    Sorry about the rebate, I could have told you if I had known. Walmart and Costco are excluded because they are getting your rebate in their pocket. Though it sounds like my office sells them for about the same price. 🙁 and you would get the rebate.

  17. I’ve not used Bar Keepers Friend. I’ve heard of it but never bought it. Strange considering my love of cleaning products. For my tough to get off stuff I usually try kosher salt and lemon/lime juice. Let it sit for a bit then scrub.

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