Let’s play Russian roulette with an IRS audit!

Because I have raised nagging to an art form, we filed our taxes back in February and have already received a much needed refund which was spent before it even hit our checking account. As I sit here perusing our census form, I am convinced that had we thought a little more out of the box, we could have done even better on our taxes and I’d be typing this while fondling my brand spanking new Nikon D90.

For instance, we could have written off the box as a second residence.

And we forgot to claim a whole slew of dependents, like:

“IT WASN’T ME” who likes to eat all the Skinny Cow truffle bars before I even have one and who leaves empty boxes of Weight Watchers peanut butter cookies and FiberPlus Dark Chocolate bars in the pantry, just to screw with my head.


“IT’S NOT MY TURN” who is allergic to clearing the table, cleaning the shower, rinsing a plate and taking Oliver out to potty.


“I DON’T KNOW” who spits gobs of toothpaste in the bathroom sink and nicks the kitchen granite countertop by dropping something heavy on it when no one is looking.


“I DID IT LAST TIME” who refuses to move laundry baskets from the downstairs to the upstairs because they are presumably made out of gravity.


“IN A MINUTE” who tells time by charting the stars and thusly, only moves from the couch once every nine days.


“HOW SHOULD I KNOW” who gets her jollies by hiding the cordless phone inside the couch and watching everyone else scramble around for it when it rings and when I say “everyone” I mean me, since I am the only one who ever answers the phone around here even though 99.99% of the time, it’s not for me.

And finally,

“I’LL DO IT LATER” who looks suspiciously like a teenager.

Next year, by golly, we’re going to be a bit more creative. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even get a chance to take a portrait of our very own personal IRS auditor with my brand spanking new Nikon D90.



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31 thoughts on “Let’s play Russian roulette with an IRS audit!”

  1. Avatar

    Wow, just add one more dependent to the mix and you wouldn’t have to worry about extra money from the IRS. You’d be the next Octo-mom, receiving hand-outs from everyone out of pity!

    I just love your sense of humor…I tell you that in almost every single comment, don’t I??
    .-= Helene’s last blog post is here ..Real kitchen utensils for small hands… =-.

  2. Avatar

    After reading this, it occurs to me that perhaps I don’t have just one kid, after all. I’m pretty sure I DON’T KNOW and IN A MINUTE both live under my roof, as do I’LL DO IT LATER (though she looks closer to 7 than a teenager) and HOW SHOULD I KNOW, too.

    No wonder I’m so tired. It’s hard trying to raise such a large family.

    We also had filed and received our refund by mid-Feb. Hooray for husbands who are financial advisors and therefore anal about all things money-related. 😀
    .-= Heather @ nobody-but-yourself’s last blog post is here ..Bitch and Moan Monday, just what I needed! =-.

  3. Avatar

    As usual everyone had to visit my computer to see what I was laughing about. So relate to the variety and type of extra persons living at your home, since they live here too.
    .-= Tea’s last blog post is here ..Tea and Comfort =-.

  4. Avatar

    I so relate to the phone thing. My dh’s dad called and left a message tonight. My dh wanted to know why no one answered the phone (he was talking about me because I am the only person who will answer the phone).

    Great post – you made me laugh.
    .-= Sunshine’s last blog post is here ..Response to Comments =-.

  5. Avatar

    Love it! Sure you wouldn’t notice a couple of extra kids if I pack mine off to stay with you. You could be “The Old Lady” who lived in a shoe, who had so many children she didn’t know what to know …… except you are not old, as you are an offspring of ’67, and as we both know WE ARE NOT OLD 🙂

    Heading to Dublin tomorrow for a last minute house swap for Easter – 5 nights – can’t wait!
    .-= janmary, n ireland’s last blog post is here ..Some Shabby Chic Wall Decor for our Cottage =-.

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