Maybe the stupids who ask if we’re identical aren’t so stupid after all?

Although Tino and I were born exactly one minute apart, we have never had that special connection that is so common among twins. As children, we weren’t hungry at the same time, we weren’t simultaneously sleepy, we had our own separate and distinct groups of friends, we never had a secret language nor did we have a sixth sense about each other. Except for that one time we engaged in a little twin telepathy from our cribs and decided it would be a good idea to whip off our diapers during nap time and decorate ourselves and our immediate surroundings with our freshly homemade feces although if you hear our mother babble on incessantly about it, she would have you believe that had it not been for *my* instigation and prodding, Tino would have napped soundly and our nursery would not have smelled like a herd of incontinent cows for months and she would not have needed therapy until Christmas.

But whatever.

We also have never looked alike. Well, except for maybe five minutes back when we were embryos.

And maybe for a short while during our formative years when we shared the same inherited physical deformity known as ARE YOU AWARE YOU HAVE A THIRD ELBOW GROWING OUT THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FACE?

But then Tino eventually grew taller and I eventually grew boobs and we each had a plastic surgeon go Michael Jackson all over our faces by cutting, sawing and scraping enough bone from our noses to sculpt a reasonable facsimile of a human skeleton and donate it to the biology department of a local high school. Who knew rhinoplasty could be a tax write off?

Now, as middle-aged adults, I’d just about given up on trying to find some sort of special “twin” connection between the two of us. At this point, we’ll probably never own pets with names that are palindromes of each other because I don’t see Tino overcoming some commitment issues and getting a dog anytime soon and naming it Revilo, even though I happen to think that’s a wicked cool name. And we’ll probably never both marry people with the same name because I’m married to Nate and I don’t see Tino marrying a Nate of his own unless he (1) overcomes some commitment issues; (2) spontaneously turns gay which is not likely because he likes to have sex with women, or (3) marries a woman who should have been named Kate but wasn’t because she had parents and/or a birth registrar with dyslexia and/or a drinking problem and/or really bad eyesight.

I had pretty much given up hope of discovering that special connection between the two of us when I took another gander at this photograph of Tino and then, all of a sudden, it hit me.

*BAM!* <——————— (This is it hitting me. I typed it out loud to get the full effect.)

We have a connection, all right. It’s spanned over forty years and while not immediately apparent, it does more to cement a cosmic twin relationship between us more securely than any DNA ever could.






And to think all this time, it was right under my nose.

Or on it, as the case may be.



Share this post

22 thoughts on “Maybe the stupids who ask if we’re identical aren’t so stupid after all?”

  1. Avatar

    OK, I admit it, I don’t get the connection. I guess I need more coffee…

    My brother and I look nothing alike except we both have blue eyes and we’re extremely sarcastic. Oh, and we’re not likely to ever get married. He’s divorced, I am out of the dating game since I became an adoptive mom.

    Here’s the funny connection though – we both inherited dad’s short legs. So I am 5’4 and he’s 5’11 and his legs are only an inch longer than mine! He hates when I mention that…

    1. Avatar

      Dee! You don’t see the similarity in the crooked black glasses? It’s all I can *see* now when I look at those photos.

      1. Avatar

        I started to say well, there are glasses in both photos but I thought that would be too obvious. I don’t see where they are crooked. then again, I have an irregular skull and my glasses are always crooked. I don’t let it bother me. My right shoulder is much smaller than my left shoulder because I am missing a bone in my shoulder [birth defect] and that’s what always looks awful to me, in photos…

  2. Avatar

    you did look alike as babies. of course so did my oldest and his girl cousin who is 3 months younger than him. My mom dressed them alike while babysitting one day and I almost picked up the wrong kid to take home. Thank god she had a dirty diaper.

    I like Revilo as a dog name

  3. Avatar

    You guys look soooooooooooooo alike, at least in a “family resemblance” kind of way. Except in the baby photos. In those you look COMPLETELY alike – just male and female versions of each other. 😉 🙂 🙂

    1. Avatar

      Tino had lasik years ago. I think glasses are much more fashionable – and it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m too much of a chicken to have a laser shot into my eye or that contacts bug the holy hell out of me.

      That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

      1. Avatar

        Me too. I was just explaining to a friend’s daughter that I’m going to wait until I’m already old and in a nursing home to have lasik surgery. That way, not only will they have that much more practice doing them, but if I accidentally go blind, I won’t have to worry because I’m already living somewhere with all kinds of things already in place for blind people!

    1. Avatar

      Hmmm – that’s appears to be true, doesn’t it?

      But tell me … you do see the connection with the crooked black glasses, right? I was stunned that Dee above didn’t see it! I thought it was obvious?

      Then again, I often look at things differently than the rest of the world.

      1. Avatar

        I was TRYING to be funny!

        But now that you got all serious on me, nope, I don’t see his crooked I’m afraid, if you rotate his pic to compensate for the tilt of his head…see here: (or should be able to click my name above, I put it in the website link)

        His frames are horizontal, his brow ridge too, his pupils are horizontal to each other, his lower lids are pretty much horizontal, the only things not would be what shows of his ears, but one is more covered by hair!

        As for the crookedness of your glasses, you know how hard it’s going to be for me to get that info out of my head now? It’s a great pic of you that I like, but now all I see…

        I know what music I can listen to to drive earworms out of my head, but what do you look at to supplant askew visions?

  4. Avatar

    Hilarious! I totally saw the glasses, maybe you ARE identical. My uncles are identical twins, well at least according to my grandmother. The doctor told her in 1939 that they were identical, so even though by the age of two they looked completely different, she could NOT be convinced that they were indeed fraternal. She stuck to that notion for the rest of her 93 years completely convinced that doctors are never wrong. But obviously WE know better!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *