Ordered chaos

I used to be very artsy in my prior life and even had a digital design business for a few years in the early 2000s. Since 2011 however, I have pretty much spent my life buried in legalese, billable hours and tunnel vision, with the primary goal of pushing my family forward and leaving the past far behind us. My writing has been my only creative outlet recently and that’s been sporadic, at best.

This is a diaper cake I made for Zoe’s baby shower last year and it was the first time in a long time that I unleashed my tactile creativity on something other than hemming my skirts with duct tape and gorilla glue and I was surprised at how happy I was while working on this cake. So happy, in fact, that I briefly considered side hustling diaper cakes but then I thought about marketing and profit margins and shipping a cake further than my kitchen table and I decided the only hustle I was going to do was in my car with Van McCoy blasting and me shimmying my disco loving self all over the driver’s seat.

Several weeks ago, I was furloughed indefinitely and no longer had to concern myself with MacGyvering alterations or writing legal briefs and I decided, what better time to reconnect with my artsy side and try to stop worrying about new and silly things like mortgages and car payments and food?

I’ve been dabbling in the art of zentangle, which is sort of like mindless doodling, sans the mindlessness, and incorporating structured patterns, or “tangles.” It’s supposed to be meditative and relaxing (hence, the “zen” aspect) and perhaps, possibly, maybe, I could stand to relax a teensy bit and that noise you just heard was every muscle and nerve in my body yelling in unison YA THINK?

I can’t draw worth shit without digital help. Actually, if I’m being honest, shit is probably worth more than whatever I can draw with a traditional pen or pencil. But! There are supposed to be no mistakes in zentangle so no eraser is needed.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA times infinity.

I haven’t completely lost my mind, so I have an eraser and that noise you just heard was my left brain yelling SUCK IT to my right brain.

I am a total newbie and apparently afflicted with a shaky hand and while I can’t yet describe my experience thus far as zen-like, it’s definitely somewhat meditative and I am enjoying it and really trying to come to terms with my wobbly lines. EMBRACE THE WOBBLE.

I do, however, find it ironic that my anal, worrisome, quasi-OCD self who is addicted to right and wrong, straight edges and right angles, chose a medium founded upon the exact opposite. So, to balance it out, I am also experimenting with dot mandalas which are all about balance, symmetry, order, and proportionality. I like to think they mirror my life! Except for the balance, symmetry, order and proportionality parts.


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