Pretty soon, she’ll charge us admission


Remember the notes my nine year old posted on her bedroom door?

There was this one:


And then who could forget this classic, the one that made me fear I was raising a narcissistic egomaniac with little to no effort on my part:



As of this past August, there’s a new sign gracing her door. This one is a love note to her sister, her dad and me.



Some close-ups, just in case you’re anything like me and are squinting, wondering why I’m posting a Jackson Pollock painting on my blog because who the hell do I think I am, some big whoopity-doo, like an ar-tiste or something?



We were barred from her bedroom and Helena was especially specific as to the date the banishment went into effect.



As well as to its duration, lest we think her bout with fascism was temporary.



And just in case we thought the note did not pertain to us, Helena was kind enough to elaborate, specifying that only those under the age of thirteen would be permitted access into Helenaland.

Zoe complained and tried to make the case that perhaps Helena temporarily forgot that Zoe was fifteen and really meant to bar only Mom and Dad from her room, not her beloved sister. And after I asked Zoe what the color of the sky was in her world, I told her to quit her complaining since technically, she was still permitted entry into Helenaland because of her uncanny ability to morph into a two year old upon frequent occasion. And then I stamped my foot.

Maybe I’ll still be allowed entry too every now and then.



Just in case we didn’t understand what 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1 meant.

I do believe Helena has inherited a smidgen of my anal tendencies.

I am swelling with pride!

Or water retention.




It’s almost as if she’s daring us.

I’m visualizing a short, female Clint Eastwood wannabe with glasses, an overbite and an aversion to long division, snarling YOU’VE GOT TO ASK YOURSELF ONE QUESTION: DO I FEEL LUCKY?







Could that possibly be any more ominous? If we enter, there will be consequences.

I’m familiar with Helena’s consequences and if her current game of choice, How Many Times Can I Say CAN WE, MOM? CAN WE? CAN WE Before Mom Hangs Herself With Her Own Tongue is any indication, I do not want to get up close and personal with them again.

And there’s no way Zoe’s going to step even her little toe into Helena’s room because she knows all too well how hard it is to repair a reputation shattered by a little sister shrieking into the phone ZOE THINKS YOU’RE HOT!



I think Helena is going to be an artist when she grows up. Or maybe a graphic designer. Or an illustrator.

Or a gun wielding vigilante named Harry.

It’s too early to tell.



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24 thoughts on “Pretty soon, she’ll charge us admission”

  1. Avatar

    lol!! Oh maybe a club bouncer?!! I am SO familiar with these threatening entry notices, but none so creative and elaborate as this!!

  2. Avatar

    My kid is more of a “write a threatening note, fold it up into an impossibly tiny square, march into the room where the Offending Parent(s) is/are and slam it down in front of their face” than the posting a sign on the bedroom door type.

    I have such a hard time not cracking up when the drama queen does her note-delivering shtick that I think I might prefer the note on the door method. At least that way she wouldn’t hear me giggling, what with her being on the other side of the door and all. Heh.

    And, my dear, I think you made it eminently clear in your last post that you are, in fact, an ar-tiste despite your protests to the contrary. 😀

  3. Avatar

    LOL! My 11 year old daughter has a note on her door that says…No one is allowed in her room with the following names. Use to be only the dog was allowed, but somewhere along the line she was added.
    However, we are allowed into her room if we know the password! Too Funny!

  4. Avatar

    ok this is hilarious. love it! our DD put a sign on the door (i need to take a pic of it, but have kept it) last year with the “ruls” (rules) for her little brother if he wanted to go in her room. it included her best spelling of consequences, as well as the following (not in her English but mine): “no hitting, no messing my stuff, no reading my books, no jumping on the beds…”

  5. Avatar

    Well its gotta be better then my son telling his kindergarden teacher that he is only there because his mom said he will learn how to use a sniper rifle. and then promptly asked when that lesson was going to start.

    To funny, Hey on another note, I usually read you from DST so yesterday it was from MOMDot.. took me a min. I thought it the blog was familiar! Just a different avatar pic!

  6. Avatar

    I think you should combine your previous door adornments, with her “fine print”, for the ultimate product of creative door declarations!

    Could you just see it now? Little icons representing each barrier of entry? Caution symbols? With cute identification so no sole could bear a grudge against the limiting occupant?

    I detect a future mother/daughter collaboration!

  7. Avatar

    ROTFLOL!! hey i’m seriously and i mean SERIOUSLY impressed that she can spell “consequences”! LOL!! hey! I surprise myself! i was sure spell check would come on when i tried to spell it!!

  8. Avatar

    Just rest assured you are an awesome Mom for pounding it into her that “there will be consequences” – now that’s a valuable life lesson I don’t think she appreciates (but I sure you do!)

    Stan at Scrappers Workshop

  9. Avatar

    I am the mother of a high school junior going to her first DANCE tonight, and I was so inspired I wrote a post about it [and some other stuff] over on my blog. I was channeling you as I wrote, Andrea. I have all the attitude but sadly lack your amazing design sensibilities. Check it out, though. I am also raffling some cool PRIZES!!

  10. Avatar

    OMG!! 🙂

    lol!! 🙂

    definitely a club bouncer in the making!! 🙂

    PS Was kidnapped door keys of my room as a teen and they *still* haven’t gotten found after all those years?!! 🙂
    PPS Maybe call in Super Nanny? Or the marines? 😉

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