Some goings on

Some going ons?

Which is it?

I could probably avoid the whole issue by changing this post title to “Some happenings” but then I wouldn’t have had anything to write about these past three sentences.

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I don’t like playing video games. No Xbox, PlayStation, Nintendo, blah blah blah and the last time I even attempted the Wii, some short, squat, rotund thing that looked suspiciously like me appeared on my screen and informed me that I had exceeded a healthy BMI by approximately HOLY SHIT, DID YOU EAT A WHALE FOR BREAKFAST points. I’ve never gotten into the gaming part of Facebook either. In fact, I block all those kinds of updates from my wall so I can concentrate on the really important stuff in my feed, like that post from that person I haven’t talked to in over twenty years, advising me that she’s checking in from Starbucks. THANK GOD,  I WAS WORRIED.

But then I got an iPhone.

And then I got Angry Birds.

And then this happened:

Mom, when are we leaving for karate?

After you tell me why I can’t get this chicken to fly high enough to poop an egg between these trees. And why does the egg explode but not the chicken? And why are those … what are those things? Frogs? Pigs? Seasick gerbils? Why are they allowed to wear helmets? And what’s up with the red birds having no super powers? How am I supposed to detonate the TNT and kill the pig under the boulders on the glass train in the basement without super powers? And why can’t I get that stupid mountain to move? IT WON’T MOVE no matter how many birds I fling at it. How come I can’t just have a hundred of those exploding black globs? And why are some of the pigs winking at me? Do they know something I don’t? And I think that one ate my bird. Are the pigs supposed to eat the birds? What the hell? And why do I only have two stars on level six? I just blew up forty pigs in glass houses with one chicken and I only have two stars? Does it have something to do with how far I pull the slingshot? OH MY GOD, ARE MY CHICKENS DEFECTIVE?

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Do me a favor and go check out my new sponsor: Bullgrit! He’s over there in my sidebar. I “met” Bullgrit online a couple of years ago. In fact, he was the one who gave me the idea for my Sunday regurgitation posts. I guess you could say Bullgrit made me throw up! But don’t say it to his face because he’s a good ol’ southern boy and he might strap you to the hood of his 4×4 truck and pelt you with beer cans if you do. Then again, he might own a minivan and drink White Zinfandel out of a champagne flute. I really have no idea. But who cares? Bullgrit runs a t-shirt design business and I think some of them would be great for Father’s Day.

I like that first one.

How many of you have a husband who refuses to read directions because he thinks it will cause him to spontaneously grow a vagina on his forehead?

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Helena, Zoe and Zoe’s friend Nicole, on our way to Ithaca College for a tour, somewhere between ARE WE THERE YET? and ARE WE EVER GOING TO BE THERE YET?

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This made me happy.

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20 thoughts on “Some goings on”

  1. That was meant for Sam.

    Junk: have you watched a video on how so solve a level yet? Oh yeah. I have. I’m using the Chrome version, so I don’t have mountains and glass trains.
    Ditto the unlimited exploding birds… I’d pay even.

  2. OMG…I about spit out my Coke with the “grow a vagina on his forehead” comment!!
    Seriously, this post was hilarious!

  3. I don’t allow x-box or Wii in my house, only handheld games. I caught my son playing one of the handheld games last night and I confiscated that little game thingy and it won’t be given back until he reads for another hour. In my presence. Yes, I am the Queen of Mean, according to my kids. I love that title. // I never tell the kids I am addicted to Farmville. Oh, the shame of it…

  4. I just started playing a game on Facebook, after 2.5 years of avoiding them. But I promise – no status updates about it & I don’t need neighbors to help me play.

    I like the second shirt. It’s scarily accurate.

  5. Fortunately the status updates are totally hideable by clicking the x in the upper-right corner and choosing “fry this game in oil and let it die a smoky death”.

    I have no IPod/Pad/Patch/Penis, so no Angry Birds, either. I’m so glad you’re playing, though, so I can giggle at your posts a lot… =) Have a great weekend, Andy!

  6. Did you eat a whale? Why are the birds angry? Did your husband grow a vagina on his forehead? Are we there yet????? Isn’t there a game where you have to answer a question with a question? Why am I asking so many questions? Aghhh, it’s late and my Mom brain is fried. Sorry!

  7. I’m sucked into Words Free scrabble on my phone. I just keep telling myself I’m warding off Alzheimers. I also sneak in the odd game of solitaire when no-one is looking.

  8. I play games on Facebook. I found Bejeweled when I was pregnant with my oldest and had severe insomnia. It’s evil.

    I have a vagina, and I don’t like to read directions. My husband makes fun of me about this all the time. We definitely have a role reversal here.

  9. I share your love for Angry Birds.

    And just today I wrote about 3 insanely addicting iPad games.
    It’s a disease. really.

    Also, I greatly enjoy your witty, stream of though, blogging style.
    Fun to read. I feel like you are talking to me, or maybe that I’m talking to myself. Either way, glad to have found you from momdot

  10. Since you’ve been a little absent lately, I’m discovering old gems! I couldn’t help but laugh at the picture of your trip to Ithaca college – I have taken photos of my daughter like that and boy, I had hell to pay later!

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