** At the end of this post, I’m giving away one free month of ad space on my redesigned blog to three winners. If you’re like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally and immediately read the last page of a book to find out how it ends, you already know this, and I might as well be talking to myself. I’m fine with that as I find myself rather fascinating. On those occasions when I’m not boring me to death.
However, if you’re like me and read every single word and every single line and everything in between the lines, you’re reading this now, while waiting for your therapy appointment. So I just wanted you to know … at the end of this post, I’m giving away one free month of ad space on my redesigned blog to three winners.
Carry on. **
I’ve been blogging for almost a year now and when I first started, I had no idea what I was doing and didn’t know if anybody other than my mother would read this blog and even then, only after I popped a Xanax and called her to explain in excruciating detail how to scroll.
And now, here I am almost a year later, surprised and pleased as Eliot Spitzer in a brothel that there are people all over the world who are actually interested in my bathroom tile and decrepit bladder and fluorescent pee and the fact that I name my hideous cold sores and secretly think that my appliances have cognitive thought.
I never anticipated how much I would love blogging.
But I do. So much so, that I’m going to do something that goes against every single natural instinct I was born with and a few artificial ones I bought specifically for when I want to show off.
You know my tendency to go into anaphylactic shock at the mere thought of change? And how I carry an EpiPen with me on those occasions when I find myself in aisle 2 of Wegmans only to discover that the Wegman gods screwed with me and moved the Cheerios to, oh, I don’t know … somewhere else other than the big puddle of DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT I’m currently standing in?
And how the exception to that rule falls squarely in the arena of home decor, especially if it means knocking down a wall or two?
Well, it turns out that home decor includes my blog. Who knew? I was surprised too! But it’s high time for a blog makeover. As opposed to low time. Is it ever low time to do anything?
Spring is right around the corner here in New York and since spring is typically the season for renewal and regrowth, I’m going to celebrate by rebirthing my blog. I have to admit, I’m excited to be a part of a birthing process that does not involve vomit, a mucus plug, bloody show, hands up my hoo-ha or Nurse Ratched massaging my freshly stitched uterus.
And because money is tight and flows through my cold, dead hands like hardened cement, I’m foregoing a professional and redesigning my blog by myself.
This entire process would be so much easier if I actually new how to redesign a blog. But I’m learning and other than chasing some obstinate CSS and HTML all over my office and threatening them with immediate evisceration, it hasn’t been too horrendous.
To be brutally honest, with regard to that whole birthing thing, there has been some bloody show atop my head from ripping out some hair in frustration but I just yank on my big girl panties and slap a few Always Super Absorbent pads on my scalp and I’m good to go. Because I am a trooper and I suck it up. Hey, I’d even pull myself up by my bootstraps if I could find them amidst the pile of CSS and HTML carcasses littering my office floor.
So if all goes well, you’ll see my blog makeover on April 1. And yes, I know that’s April Fool’s Day and probably not the best time to try anything new but as my mother will tell you, I do not listen to reason. Exhibit A: every guy I ever dated.
My new blog will be clean and simple and reflect my anal compulsive tendency towards all things linear and orderly. I’m so not into fluff and foo foo unless it resembles a donut. Then I’m all about the foo foo.
With my new blog design, I will be saying goodbye to the BlogHer ads in my sidebar and instead, opening up advertising spots to anyone who is interested. I’d like to support all of you who have supported me during the past year. It’s a win/win and haven’t we all had enough of lose/lose lately in this cesspool we call our economy?
So, if you are interested in advertising on my new blog, in my brand new, sparkling clean sidebar after April 1, shoot me an email at admin [at] thecreativejunkie [dot] com and I can give you the specs and prices and reserve a spot for you.
And now that I’m rambled on and on about my blog, I think I’ll do it some more.
Up for grabs is one free month of ad space for three winners.
As long as your business/service/blog/website/whatever is not related to porn or erectile dysfunction or the Jonas Brothers, it’s do-able! And God willing, this will be the last time the Jonas Brothers and porn and erectile dysfunction are ever mentioned in the same sentence as “do-able” on this blog. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. And if that’s the case … step the hell back.
OK … here’s the scoop:
- To enter, leave a comment in this post, telling me about something that you changed recently. The oil in your car? A diaper? Your gender? Change is good! Right? Right? Bueller?
- Who’s got a spare EpiPen?
- No entries after 7:00 pm eastern time Sunday, March 22, because then I’ll only have two hours to choose the winners and write Monday’s post before I park my fanny in front of the TV and find out how desperate those housewives have become and whether Dave is ever going to get a move on and knock off Mike and Katherine. I’m tired of waiting already. Get on with it. You’d think a show with an effeminate kleptomaniac and quasi-albino psychopath would keep me interested. Maybe they should throw in a plane crash or two and some time travel and I’ll shut my mouth.
- Who am I kidding? I hate time travel. And shutting my mouth.
- I’ll use random.org to select three winners. Randomocity rules.
- I scored 100% on my Algebra regents exam 28 years ago and won a steak dinner with my teacher. Thought you should know.
- Please don’t enter more than once. C’mon, live on the edge! Take a risk! Please.
- I’ll announce the winners on Monday!
Has anyone seen my CSS running amuk anywhere? About yay high? Snotty little expression? Let me know. If I ever catch him, he’s in for a world of hurt.