The last twenty-four hours

Shoveled snow.

Swore.

Wished I lived in Hawaii.

Wished I lived in California.

Wished I lived in Fiji.

Wished I lived someplace that had lots of i’s and no snow.

Shoveled more snow.

Took off snow soaked jeans and sweat soaked underwear in the powder room before realizing I had forgotten clean pairs of each on the kitchen island.

Swore some more.

Yelled for Zoe or Helena to throw me the clean pairs.

Remembered they were both at school.

Wished I homeschooled.

Came back to my senses.

Said a prayer, ran out of the powder room commando.

Grabbed the clean pairs off the island.

Shocked, blinded and traumatized the UPS guy standing at the front door, ringing a broken doorbell.

Swore lots.

Made a mental note to buy the UPS guy some eye bleach for Christmas.

Continued shoveling snow.

Went against everything I believe in and bought Oliver a little wool sweater but only because I thought he’d be more apt to potty outside if he wasn’t shivering.

Thought wrong.

Stood outside and froze while begging Oliver to potty in the snow.

Yelled IT’S SNOW! NOT ANTHRAX! IT WON’T KILL YOU.

Yelled FINE! IT’S ANTHRAX! STOP EATING IT OR *I’LL* KILL YOU.

Yelled FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP too many times to count.

Yelled I MEANT OUTSIDE, NOT INSIDE, NUMNUTS! Also too many times to count.

Made up new swear words.

Shoveled.

Went Christmas shopping.

Returned 75% of everything I bought.

Wrapped Uncle Pat’s gift and placed it under the tree.

Shoveled again.

Found Uncle Pat’s gift in the middle of the floor.

Yelled STOP IT, OLIVER.

Re-wrapped Uncle Pat’s gift and placed it under the tree.

Shoveled and swore.

Found Uncle Pat’s gift on the stairs.

Yelled I MEAN IT, OLLIE. KNOCK IF OFF.

Re-wrapped Uncle Pat’s gift and placed it under the tree.

Swore my head off.

Shoveled my guts out.

Found Uncle Pat’s gift in Ollie’s mouth.

Put all wrapped gifts in the basement.

Put Ollie in his crate.

Gathered up my guts, found my head and took them all with me to Home Depot.

Bought a new shovel. And eye bleach.

Swore.

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20 thoughts on “The last twenty-four hours”

  1. Once again, you have made me snarf my coffee. I feel for you. I hope Nate is getting back into town VERY soon. And I hope he surprises you with a lovely solo ticket to Hawaii so you may have some rest and relaxation in a pretty, warm place with lots of I’s in the name!

  2. Atlanta has tons of jobs in Nate’s field. TONS. There’s no reason for y’all not to just move down here. We have ALMOST NO SNOW. There’s certainly never enough to shovel – we may get 1 inch of snow a year and it melts within a day. We do have 4 seasons, though, unlike Miami. You won’t have to learn Spanish, or Californish, either. Get busy.

  3. Buyt a 4×4. I have yet to shovel, and i live in Canada where we have had snow for over a month now.
    If hubby doesn’t shovel or plow, I just ram the snow banks. LOL.

  4. So DON’T get a dog you’re saying? Sorry for all the swearing & swear worthy moments, but it made for a really funny post if that’s any consolation. And also Texas is good if you’re looking for somewhere with very little anthrax participation.

  5. Oh wow, what a day! I feel exhausted and overwhelmed just reading about it! I hate shoveling snow too, but on the up side it burns some calories 🙂 But, then again, the calories burned probably equal less than the amount of hot chocolate you have to drink once coming back inside, so never mind- if only swearing was a workout, then we would be on to something!

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