Vertigo sticks and their relationship to softball. Or lack thereof.

Helena, my nine year old, has played softball for at least five years now and she’s doing pretty darn well. She even pitched a game this week where she struck out the first batter with her first three pitches.

I didn’t get photos of it because I was too busy programming all the Division I and II colleges for women’s fast pitch into the speed dial on my cell phone.

However, there are still moments when I feel like we’ve been transported back in time to her very first season, when the girls were clueless as to what to do, how to do it, why they had to do it whilst standing far away in a field where nothing ever happened and, most importantly, who could land the best cartwheel while wearing a glove?

Sometimes I wonder if Helena is really paying attention? Or is she mulling over the lyrics of Bad Romance and wondering what a vertigo stick is and why Lady GaGa wears big, wooden, bedazzled jock straps on stage? And should she ask her mom about it?

I’m glad she hasn’t because Lady GaGa confuses me. I don’t know why she wants anyone’s psycho or vertical stick and while there’s some debate as to my possession of the former, I’m pretty sure I’m not equipped with the latter. I’d rather avoid the entire subject so I wouldn’t have a clue as to what to tell Helena other than HEY, I KNOW! HOW ABOUT WE DISCUSS HOW DADDY PLANTS HIS SEED IN MOMMY’S BELLY AND MAKES A BABY GROW INSTEAD? WITH PROPS? AND A POWER POINT PRESENTATION! AND THEN WE’LL EAT COOKIES!

Its just seems to me that sometimes, Helena appears … preoccupied.

You know … daydreaming.

Somewhat distracted.

Otherwise engrossed in other, more riveting activities.

Sometimes she’ll even do something that makes me break out in a panic sweat while envisioning her head engulfed in a swarm of creepy crawlies but then she’ll telepathically holler RELAX, MOM. I DIDN’T WEAR ANYBODY ELSE’S HELMET. I’M JUST I’M BORED OUT OF MY GOURD to calm me down.

Thank you, Helena. Now please stop touching your head because it freaks me out.

Sometimes, I simply worry that Helena just isn’t actively engaged in what’s happening around her.

But then, something will happen, such as a pop fly will soar overhead and travel in her general direction like a heat seeking missile and suddenly, my worries are lessened, my fears are alleviated and my concerns are put to rest because there is no doubt in my mind …

Helena is totally in the moment.



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18 thoughts on “Vertigo sticks and their relationship to softball. Or lack thereof.”

  1. Avatar

    Ok. Now I totally want you to win the Nick Blog Award thingy because Helena will be mortified that her face in that last picture will be put on display for more of the world to see! She’s not my kid so, that makes it hilarious to me.

    And seriously, what is it with Lady GaGa and 9 year old girls?

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    I remember being that age and playing in the outfield. There’s really not much happening out there. I think she’s handling herself really well. As I recall, catching pop-flies requires a wide open mouth. It’s the contingency plan ~ miss it with your glove and there’s a chance you might catch it in your teeth.
    .-= Cheryl’s last blog post is here ..The truth will set me free =-.

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    Here I thought her final expression was when it dawned on her how clever Gaga was, perverting Psycho, Vertigo and Rear Window into sexual innuendo, instead of Hitchcock horror.
    .-= RJFerret’s last blog post is here ..RJFerret: #xkcd I really laughed when I read the pop up alt-text (urushiol is the oil from poison ivy) =-.

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    LOL!! Hannah is just like that..I’m convinced she’s sort of ADHD with a tad less of the hyper-activity thrown in..She’s too busy watching a butterfly or bee to worry bout a ball coming near:) Great pics!! Especially that last one! hehehe!! byw…don’t die of shock that I posted a comment!! ACK!! sorry kiddo! Check your e-mail as I threw one your way 😉
    .-= Martha’s last blog post is here ..eclecticRed on Hiatus… =-.

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    This was a hysterical post! I was laughing so much the hubby came in to see what was wrong with me. I can so relate to being in the outfield bored beyond belief. Her expression is priceless! I’m just glad my mom didn’t have the internet to share “those shots” with the world. Is she speaking to you yet?
    .-= Jules’s last blog post is here ..Thrifty Finds or Presents =-.

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    I totally get her. I love baseball, but I can’t sit still and watch an entire game without getting up upteen times to get something to eat, to go to the bathroom, to check my laptop, to get something to drink, to use the bathroom, to stretch, to get something else to eat…it’s a boring game.
    .-= ConnieFoggles’s last blog post is here ..Ronzoni Smart Taste Pasta Review And Coupon =-.

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