- I’ve discovered that I am deathly allergic to CSS and HTML. By the way, how many doses of epinephrine can you have without dropping dead? I’m up to 429. Am I dead yet? With any luck, I’m simply in psychosis. Or maybe I’ve developed schizophrenic tendencies? If I ever figure it out, I’ll let me know. Then I’ll clue you guys in too.
- I haven’t seen daylight in three weeks and I’m scaring myself and my family, not to mention the occasional bat.
- My brother has better things to do than spend three hours on the phone with me, trying to figure out why CSS code works for the entire human population, as well as some higher functioning primates, but not for me. I’m not sure what those things are, but I’m betting they’ve got hair down to there and legs up to here. I have hair and legs, too. In fact, I have hairy legs. But I don’t think he cares.
- I am constantly in violation of city noise ordinance §75.1 which prohibits residents from shrieking epitaphs and emitting blood curdling screams after 10:00 p.m. The fines are killing me and my neighbors are looking at me funny.
- I am in violation of city ordinance §91-3 prohibiting littering. Or rather, my computer is. Just because I throw it out the window doesn’t mean it has to stay out there and make a spectacle of itself on the front lawn, for crying out loud. It’s got a mind of its own, right? It could crawl away if it so chooses. It simply chooses not to, the obstinate, stubborn, spiteful, hideous little beast.
- Life is too short to spend five days making my navigation buttons pretty. That’s five days more than I ever spent on my own face. If I ever want to add a page to this blog, Nate’s going to have to build me a fountain of youth in our back yard and the last thing he wants is something else to mow around.
- Life is too short to constantly have to remind myself that life is too short.
- I am a tweakaholic, which means that I won’t be totally satisfied until I move my navigation menu .235 millimeters to the left. And then back to the right. Twice. Three times on Wednesdays.
- I am so stressed out that it is entirely possible I may morph into one ginormous cold sore with a raging bladder infection, hives and a stuttering problem. We’ve got a wedding to go to in a couple of weeks and they don’t make dresses in a size HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU? D-d-d-d-do they?
So if you see a maintenance page on my site soon, no worries! It shouldn’t be there long. With a little luck and lots of liquor and a few illicit narcotics, my new blog will be up and running Wednesday morning!
Because Wednesday is April 1 which is April Fool’s Day which is a day that no one should get plastic surgery or launch a website lest they be considered colossal twits.
It says so in the bible, I think.
But it’s too late now because it’s already written in indelible ink on my calendar which is made out of stone so April 1 it is!
I hope to see you here!
And I hope you’ll be reading something other than “This site down for maintenance” or “Here lies the Creative Junkie, a colossal twit. She died on April Fool’s Day, 2009 from a head full of stupid.”