Directions: Examine the photos carefully, read their descriptions and then answer the question below to the best of your ability
Along with healthy portions of fresh fruits, raw vegetables, grilled chicken, ground turkey, protein fortified pasta and low fat peanut butter, the above photos show what Andy eats and drinks every week to maintain her weight. In addition, she still runs two miles a day several days a week, despite Jack Frost getting drunk on power and heaving his guts up all over western New York for months on end.
Andy has been in the throes of maintenance since she reached goal weight nine months ago at which time she stopped taking up the entire eastern hemisphere of a photo and saw her feet without use of a mirror for the first time since her uterus was a virgin. She has discovered that one throe lasts an eternity plus twenty minutes and while daunted by the task ahead of her, she is determined to persevere and remain a size six and not give in to the temptation to drive to Wegmans and lick their bakery department until it sparkles or sues her for sexual harassment.
It is a struggle every single day to remain focused on her goal and not lose her shit when Valentine’s Day rolls around on ganache-infused, chocolate covered wheels.
Andy has recently gained four pounds.
Along with frozen pizzas, fourteen inch cholesterol-laden subs, Bill Gray’s, McDonalds and enough chocolate chip cookies to make Cookie Monster beg for mercy and become a vegan, the above photos show what Nate eats and drinks every week in an attempt to lose the extra twenty pounds he’s carrying around so that he can win the Biggest Loser competition at work. His exercise regimen consists of talking about exercise, making sure the couch doesn’t run away and playing ONE TWO THREE FOUR, I DECLARE A THUMB WAR with the remote.
Nate has recently lost two pounds.
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Based on the above photos, where do you think Nate’s genitalia will wind up?
- Not in Andy
- Buried under the deck
- Pittsburgh
- Who cares?
- All of the above
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24 thoughts on “Quiz time! Their shit or their weight: which one do women lose faster than men?”
I’ll go with 5.
And, ugh! I hate that! My husband just says “I think I’m going to go on a diet,” does some half-assed excersize twice, and eats seventy-billion “little” snacks and loses pounds. Meanwhile, I think “I’ve gotta do something about this three year old *coughcoughbabyweightcough*, go for endlessly long brisk walks (not a runner and probably never will be), eat anorexic chicken breasts, broccoli, and drink skim milk, and if I’m lucky the scale will tell me I’ve lost .1 pounds. Usually, though, nada.
Boys suck.
Friggin… grumble grumble.. My husband is the same way.. he goes on a “diet” to where he eats a salad instead of a burger for lunch and loses 10lbs in like a week and a half… I on the other hand walk 4 miles 3 to 4 times a week AND do heated yoga and I’ve actually put on some weight lately.. !!
my hubby stated he was going to start walking on the “treadmill” to get rid of some unwanted belly ~he lasted 3 walks on the treadmill!!!
This made me smile because I am going through this right now. For two weeks, I am eating right, exercising 5 times a week, and moving more and my dh lost 4 pounds. Me? Zip! WTH!??
Jeez, that’s a tough one. I’m going with 5 since Bobbitting isn’t on the list.
I am guessing #5 😛
I choose 5 as well. DH makes & eats cookies by the dozen, though since he has crossed over into the 40s he finds he does put on weight more easily, but all he has to do is the most minor amount of physical activity for a short period & it’s all gone. He’ll lose 8 pounds spending the weekend doing yard work.
My dad could cut out his morning toast and lose 10 lbs. while my mother was trying to exist on 500 calories a day. There is no justice in the world. I suggest you check out Suzanne Somers’ weight loss tips. You can eat pretty much everything, just be careful how you combine it, and you are never hungry. I plan to start it tomorrow. Right after I finish off my box of Valentine’s Day candy…
All of the above, right?! It is soooo not fair why it’s easier for men to lose weight than women. I think, for that reason alone, we have the right to banish them from ever having sex with us again.
Ain’t that the fack, Jack! GRRRRR.
And your post was incredibly funny. =) I’m always thrilled when I see a post from you pop up in my reader… =)
Muscle mass + testosterone = men are shit and can lose weight without blinking. My husband is a body builder and requires little to no effort to lose the weight if he wants to. So while he is weighing himself, I sneak a toe on the scale …. that’s usually enough to add 10 pounds right there.
#5!
Lol, definitely number 5
LOL. I vote who cares, but that’s just me.
5. That is my final answer.
I would gladly concede not being able to lose weight as fast as a man if I never got my period. Ever. Again.
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First, Nate will find that his genitalia will not be in Andy any time soon. While he is coming to terms with this revelation, Andy will be weighing the pros and cons of digging through 50 layers of ice to bury it under the deck versus flinging it out the window as she drives through Pittsburgh (She will also say hi to my BFF Carol while she’s there). Andy will then decide “Who cares? He ain’t getting any any time soon. That thing will shrivel up like a bad prune before I let it back into my sugar box. HA!”
She will then tell Nate all of the above. Nate will ponder this for a bit, then announce he has just lost 5 more pounds. Andy will make a mental note to check that his life insurance policy pays out double for accidental death and dismemberment and commence planning said accident. Preferably involving ice and/or several feet of snow.
Andy will then make preparations to move to Jamaica so she can tell Jack Frost to fuck off forever.
@Shan – I am impressed! You get a gold star for extra credit.
Thank you. I was in a mood last night. 😛
I have had horrible year health wise! Fell and broke my finger, had shingles,twisted my ankle and ruptured my achilles tendon.Had to stay on couch for almost 4 months,except to go to millon dr appointments! The brace they put on my leg crushed 2 toes,I kept telling them it hurt,but they said oh it will be fine when it comes off! I now have 2 toes that are killing me. So now I have to go to Orthopedic dr and get special ugly shoes! Also last week had to go to Neurologist for 3 hour test,today blood work and Friday back to special foot store because the $159 shoes I got are not the right ones! Needless to say I am not happy! Bitch Bitch! Also I have to use cane to walk,foot makes me walk off balance!!!! I am going to see my mom at nursing home today and hope to use soom gift cards I got for xmas,depends on how bad the pain gets walkingf!!!!! I have put on weight because I have to sit and keep foot elevated ,I will not say how much weight ! We all have hang in there,I hope to get puppy in the spring that is keeping me hopeful!!!!!!
I vote #5, but upon seeing the 1st picture, my only thought was “I wonder if those Fiber One bars make Andy fart as much as they do me and everyone else I know who eats them.” So? Do they? The probiotic I got is much more effective if that’s the effect you’re going for. If it’s for a filling, fairly tasty granola bar, then I say stick with them.
I tried to explain this post to my husband without him reading it…..he said, “What? What’s the answer?” OH. MY. GOSH.
You are hilarious Andy! And my husband is the same way. KILLS me
Yeah, I’m going to have to go with Shan’s answer, I guess, and then move to Jamaica. Is it very warm there? Because I think a few of Jack’s frat brother’s have been carrying on his traditions in Texas where they surely don’t belong.